- Gender and Relationships»
Understanding the Man You Married: What I Learned from Dr. Kevin Leman’s Book ‘Have a New Husband by Friday’
© 2012 Katina Davenport
Someone told me that men and women will never understand each other. Well, at least that is what I have read. Just about every article, publication, or book regarding male and female relationships have painted the grim picture that the two genders will never understand each other. In reality, men and women can understand one another. The best way for men and women to understand each other is to have understanding; meaning you will have to learn the opposite sex.
In his book Have a new Husband by Friday Dr. Kevin Leman guarantees you will have a new husband by the end of the week if you follow certain steps. Well, in my opinion, the entire premise of the book is understanding what your husband needs, meeting those needs so that your husband can meet the needs of his wife.
Husbands Need to Feel Respected
Undoubtedly every man is different, but the core of every man, every husband is the same. Every husband wants to be respected, needed, and fulfilled. Dr. Leman makes a very important remark about respect. He says “a man needs to feel your respect in order to love you the way you want to be loved.” He used the example of nagging. Many women nag their husbands when they feel like they are not being heard or when they want something done. Just about every husband or man will tell you that nagging is not respect. It is annoying. If you are a nagging wife your husband will shut down and won’t hear anything you say.
Husbands Need to Feel Needed
If a man feels that he is needed then he will feel more inclined to step-up to the plate and complete those honey-do lists. Women have this incredible, God given ability to multi-task whereas men are better at completing one task at a time. So, as wives it is better to let our husbands complete the tasks one at time in his own fashion. If you find that your husband needs a little reminding do so respectfully. This may sound old fashion, but it works. I have tried it myself.
Where to Find Dr. Kevin Leman Online
- Dr. Kevin Leman | Dr. Kevin Leman is a New York Times best-selling author, an internationally known
Dr. Kevin Leman is a New York Times best-selling author, an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker who has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology.
Husbands Need to be Physically Fulfilled
Understanding that your husband is wired to have his sexual needs fulfilled is essential to having a happy husband and a happy marriage. Physical fulfillment validates everything your husband embodies. Fulfilling this need as a willing wife will fix your husband’s immediate crisis. For example, if your husband had an argument with his boss and thinks he will lose his job, then fulfilling any sexual need he has may help him deal with it. He may even forget that it happened. When his needs are fulfilled he knows that he is loved and secure.
How Did Your Husband Grow Up
Dr. Leman recommends understanding your husband’s relationship with his mother. Understanding this relationship is essential to knowing how your husband thinks. For instance, if your husband was adopted, more than likely he will deal with issues of abandonment and rejection. He may even feel this way if he was ever placed in foster care for any reason. He may have low self-esteem issues or extremely high self-esteem. If your husband is on the lower end of self-esteem he may need more validation. He may need to feel very important in your life. If your husband is on the higher end of self-esteem he may not need as much validation, but he can be a perfectionist about everything.
Husband’s that grew up in a single parent home without a mother may have more feminine mood swings. He may even have more feminine mannerisms in his gestures; or a greater understanding of feminine matters.
If your husband experienced a mother that always gave him boundaries, expected him to do things for himself, and was very loving then you could have the ideal husband. If your husband had a mother like this then he knows how to be loving and how to help out around the house. He has a healthy self-esteem and knows how to treat his wife. A mother has a profound effect on her son, so how your husband was raised will positively or negatively affect your marriage.
Other Books by Dr. Kevin Leman
Dr. Leman’s Tips
Reading Have a New Husband by Friday has given me a new found appreciation of my husband. I have a great marriage already, but his tips can help me improve on how I relate to my husband. His book is all about how wives can relate to their husbands on every issue. Some may find his views on the old fashion side, but if a woman finds that her methods are not working then trying some of his tips may work. Here are a few of his tips.
- 1. Pursue him- Find ways to make your husband feel special.
- 2. Validate him- Say nice things to him especially in front of people that are important to him. He will definitely feel important and respected.
- 3. Fulfill his physical needs- Physical touch is just as important to your husband as sex. Physical touch of any kind will help him feel connected and wanted.
- 4. Don’t talk too much- Sometimes women can be wordy and beat around the bush. Dr. Leman suggests that less is more in conversation. Get to the point and mean what you say.
I really appreciated how Dr. Leman addressed the issue of abuse in marriage. He addressed all forms of abuse; emotional, physical, and sexual. Dr. Leman is pro-marriage; and as a psychologist and counselor he wants to see marriages work. However, he does recommend divorce for those marriages that cannot be saved due to infidelity or abuse. I agree with him. I was once a victim of abuse in my first marriage. I decided to leave after 9 months. I decided that this man cannot be turned around; therefore the marriage was not salvageable. Dr. Leman does explain that there are some men that will not respond to any of the suggestions in his book.
I enjoyed reading this book and would recommend it to any wife, especially new wives, learning how to relate to their husbands. Dr. Leman offers good sound advice that will work if you put it into practice.