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Unplanned Pregnancy Advice for Unmarried Youth
Unplanned Pregnancy Advice
Some young men and women involved in romantic relationships have to face the difficult situation of deciding what to do with an unplanned pregnancy. According to Womenshealth.gov, about half of the pregnancies in the United States are unplanned.
An unplanned pregnancy can cause a young man and woman who are in love, but who never expected this to happen, a lot of worry, anxiety, and psychological torture. Additionally, the situation can cause anger, frustration, and mistrust between the man and the woman. Consequently, the couple may grow apart and this will weaken the bond of love between the two of them.
When you overcome your initial shock and frustration, you have to face the reality and choose what you will do next so that you can take care of the baby.
In this article, I want to share some unplanned pregnancy advice with you so that you can deal with such a situation, if you are a young couple who have discovered that the woman is pregnant.
Let us look at what you can choose to do so that you can ride through the storm.
The Girlfriend Should Break the News to Her Boyfriend at the Proper Time
Some guys get angry when they get to know that their girlfriend is expecting a baby. When the guy thinks about the fact that he will have to provide financially for a girlfriend in addition to a demanding new baby, it can scare him and make him apprehensive about his future, and about the relationship. Consequently, the guy may get confused and so react angrily to your news, if you do not find the appropriate time to break the news to him.
So, you must be very circumspect how you break the news of your pregnancy to your boyfriend. Accordingly, decide to tell him when he is in a happy mood or in a relaxed state, and not when he is tensed or going through a negative emotional trial. For example, do not break the news to him if he is going for an academic examination or when he has just received news that his mother is dead or when he has just been fired from a job. Wait for a time when he is happy to tell him about the situation.
Telling your boyfriend about the pregnancy at the proper time will increase the likelihood that your boyfriend will receive the news with a good heart so that you can discuss your future as a couple in a calm manner so that you can decide the best way to solve the problem.
Try to Understand What You Are Both Feeling
After the girlfriend tells her boyfriend that she is pregnant, the two of you should find one cool evening when you are both in relaxed moods to try to come to terms with your feelings.
This exercise is important because you may have so many negative emotions rising up in your heart and in your spirit. Coming to terms with these emotions will help both of you to adjust to the situation as quickly as possible. You will heal emotionally and be able to have civil discussions as well.
To do this exercise, the boyfriend should write down how he feels. He should be honest and truthful about how he really feels about the unplanned pregnancy.
- If the boyfriend feels guilty, he should write, “I feel so terrible for not listening to Yaa when she told me she was in her fertile period.”
- The girlfriend should also write how she feels. She should make no attempt to mask her feelings because she wants to appear nice to her boyfriend. So, if she is happy about the pregnancy, she should write, “Although I know this is a bad time for this to happen, I am happy about this pregnancy.” Do not write that you are disappointed about the situation when you know in your heart that you are glad about the pregnancy.
Have an Honest, Open Discussion
Exchange the sheets of paper so that each partner can know how the other feels about the unplanned pregnancy.
Then, in controlled tones and in a calm manner, talk about what you can do to deal with your negative emotions. Tell your partner what he or she can do to make you feel less resentful and angry about the situation. Doing this will help both of you to manage your emotions better so that there will be no acrimony and bitterness.
Furthermore, take turns to voice out your worries, fears, uncertainties, embarrassments, and disappointments about the situation. Say it with confidence. This exercise will help you to get rid of some of the negative emotional energy in your body so that you will feel better.
As your partner speaks, listen to him or her. Empathize with your lover and let him or her know that you understand how they are feeling. Then, pledge your support and loyalty to your partner. Additionally, assure your partner of your cooperation so that together, as a team, you will be able to solve the problem.
Don't Blame Each Other
Do not accuse your partner of being responsible for the present situation. For example don’t say, “You are to blame for all this! If you had only listened when I told you the time was not right for us to make love, I would never have gotten pregnant! Now, see what you have done!”
Instead, always acknowledge the part you played which contributed to the situation. So, think in such a manner to yourself, “I should have been more assertive. That would have prevented this situation. I can’t put all the blame on Isaac. I will keep my peace so that there can be peace in this relationship.”
Adopting the approach where you don’t blame your partner will prevent fights which will disturb the peace of mind of the girlfriend who needs peace of mind at this time so that she can be healthy for herself and the baby.
On the other hand, both of you should decide to let bygones be bygones so that you can move on and tackle the critical issues at stake at this time.
Accept That You Are Going to Have a Baby
Face the reality and condition your mind to the fact that you are going to become parents. Forget about the circumstances that caused you to have this unplanned pregnancy and, rather, look forward to the days ahead.
Additionally, whenever you decide to discuss the issue at hand, talk about what you will do to solve the problem now, and not what happened last week, last month, or last year. Then, resolve to press on with hope in your hearts, instead of arguing about things you cannot change.
Be Patient With Your Partner
Your lover may be so hurt about the situation that he or she may act irrationally at certain times as he or she tries to come to terms with the hurt and pain in their hearts, and as they try to figure out what change this situation will bring into the relationship.
Therefore, do your best not to get irritated and angry with your partner. Rather, try to understand that your partner is trying to process the information and his or her feelings and learn to become more patient so that there will be peace.
Furthermore, remind yourself every day that the way your partner is reacting is as a result of the fact that he or she wants to understand the situation, and not because he or she does not love you, or because he or she does not want to have a baby with you. Be patient and give your partner some time and he or she will come around eventually.
Understand that your partner is going through emotional upheavals just as you are also going through mental and emotional challenges.
So, listen with an open ear to what your partner says to you. Respect his or her opinions. When you don’t agree with your partner on his or her view concerning how to deal with the situation, reason with him or her.
For example, if your partner insists that you should have an abortion, do not say something such as, “Are you crazy! I will never have an abortion!”
Rather, say something such as, “Isaac, I know this baby has come at a bad time. But, there are many ways we can deal with this situation. I know, this baby will make great demands on our finances, but we can work harder to make more money to take care of it. I don’t think an abortion is the best option. I believe the God who provides for over 7 billion people every blessed day will provide the money we need to take care of our baby. Please think about it, Isaac. With all due respect, I will keep this baby.” State your case in a respectful manner and let him or her see that there are options you can use to save the situation that they may not have thought of. That may help to sway their opinion and they may cooperate with you.
Look at the Options Before You
Consider your economic status as a couple and whether you have the financial wherewithal to take care of a baby. If one of you is working, can the money that partner makes take care of the baby till the other partner gets a job? If both of you are working, can your combined income help you to provide for the baby?
If you realize you cannot support your baby financially, discuss the possibility of giving your baby up for adoption. Here, you must choose whether you prefer to give the baby to the Department of Social Welfare or you prefer a close relative to adopt your baby and bring it up.
Look at all angles of the situation so that you can decide on the best option which will give the baby a good future.
Count the Cost of Taking Care of Your baby
According to the US Department of Agriculture, you will need over $12,000 to take care of your baby for a year.
- If you are gainfully employed, start making plans about how you can save money towards those expenses.
- If you are students, think about ways you can get your parents, siblings, or friends to support you financially.
- Consider taking up more jobs or starting a home-based business or doing online work. For example, working as a writer or editor online can help you to make some money which you can use to take care of the baby. It is a job anyone without prior experience can learn how to do easily.
- There are other jobs you can start with very little capital.Consider doing some of them so that you can raise the money you need to care for your baby.
Choose Not to Abort the Baby
An abortion is an option some couples consider when they are faced with such a situation. However, you must realize that there are many disadvantages of having an abortion, some of which are very serious.
So, choose to have the baby because that baby can make both of you happy one day just as others have experienced.
See a Professional and Seek Spiritual Guidance
If you make all the efforts you can and you find that you always have fights when you try to discuss the situation, see a professional who can give you insightful advice about an unplanned pregnancy. Preferably, see a therapist who is an expert in pregnancy counseling. Such a person will be able to give you advice that will make it easier for both of you to come to an agreement that will work best for the two of you.
Furthermore, talk to your pastor so that he can give you spiritual counseling and guidance to help you make good choices.
This is the unplanned pregnancy advice I have for you. The most important thing to remember in all of this is that you can outmaneuver the challenge and emerge stronger and happier if you adopt some of the tips I have given you in this article, and if you do not give up when you confirm that the woman is pregnant.
Unplanned Pregnancy Advice
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© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio