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Unrequited Love: Does He Love You Like You Love Him?

Updated on July 20, 2014
Unrequited Love Can Lead To Obsession And Revenge
Unrequited Love Can Lead To Obsession And Revenge

Lady Caroline Lamb and Lord Byron

“There is only one serious question. And that is:…how to make love stay?”

- Tom Robbins. ‘Still Life with Woodpecker’.

Ever thought of how common unrequited love is? The world of pop music would be lost without lovers moaning about this most debilitating of emotions. And what of poetry? Shelley and Keats were so often in the throes of this kind of thankless love, they wrote a whole lot of poetry. It was, in fact, the fuel for their fire. Curiously, this sort of thing inspires many creative souls.

The infamous Lady Caroline Lamb was so mad about the poet Lord Byron who had ceased suddenly to love her, she stabbed herself with a fruit knife at a ball. No, she didn’t die that way. She spent the rest of her life in near seclusion, lost in memories of him, which is worse.

Here are the different ways in which women react to unrequited love.

Lady Caroline Lamb Stabbed Herself With A Fruit Knife Over Lord Byron
Lady Caroline Lamb Stabbed Herself With A Fruit Knife Over Lord Byron | Source

The Crush

This is quite harmless. You know you’re not really going to get to know intimately that gorgeous colleague of yours because you’re married or he is; your dentist or the dimpled guy who comes home to fix your computer every time it throws up. All you get is a tingle when you think of him on long, lazy afternoons and a tingle hurt nobody. And who knows, maybe that dentist you dig sleeps without brushing his teeth and washes his car in his ‘lungi’ every Sunday morning.

Heartbroken Over  Him?
Heartbroken Over Him?

The Obsession

This is the type that has you alone and dressed in your spotty nightgown, bawling your head off over a romantic movie on TV and staring at the telephone that never rings. And his photograph that never talks. The words that live in your head day and night are: WHAT DID I DO WRONG? You were together for quite some time and then he just walked out on you one day.

All the conversations and fights you had run through your head as you search for the phrase that sent him away. You refuse to leave the house because he might just call you. You lose your friends, your creativity, maybe even your job. But nothing’s as bad as losing him to another woman. If it were a man, it wouldn’t really matter.

In short, you are no longer the woman he used to know. Or your friends used to know. All the guys avoid you because you look like you could eat them up in one gulp.


This could happen to you after you’ve boiled in all that obsession and nostalgia and self-pity. It’s a good sign. It means you’re on your way to recovery. In fact, if rejection ever happens to you, I’d suggest you get mad and get even. Or better still, brush him away as though he’s a mosquito and look for better objects of desire immediately so he can see that he was nothing to you anyway.

However someone did say, and rightly so, that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I know women who’ve pissed into a rejecting lover’s coffee, cut up his credit card and blown their noses into his shirts. Bianca Jagger is known to have cut off all the sleeves off Mick Jagger’s clothes.

A girl I used to know even resorted to the black arts. She made a wax model of the girl who was chasing her boyfriend (it was easy because she looked like she had globs of flesh all over her) and burned her slowly over a flame. The same day this man chaser landed up in hospital with severe diarrhea.

And the boyfriend? He was so put off, he allowed someone else to chase him. My friend said she should have tried a love potion instead – dropped spider leg juice into his Coke or something, but where was he?

One fine day you’ll wake from wild dreams of making parts of him fall off, and realize that you’re feeling fine. You can suddenly recall with great clarity the way he snores like he’s got a whistle up his throat, and that bit of hair that sticks out of his nostril.

The Bittersweet Beauty of Unrequited Love

© 2014 Anita Saran


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    • Anita Saran profile image

      Anita Saran 3 years ago from Bangalore, India

      Thank you for your insights dashingscorpio. You're right, you should not compromise on your own integrity.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      Everyone has their own "proof of concept" when it comes being loved or more importantly (feeling) loved. "If you loved me you would...etc"

      For some people hearing the words: "I love you" is enough.

      For others they need to see their mates "sacrifice" or do things they know he/she hates in order to please them. It's almost if they're saying the more hoops he/she is willing to jump through or the more crap they'll put up with from me the more I believe they "love me"!

      It's impossible to become another person and to know exactly how much (they) love you. It's also unrealistic to expect someone to become someone who they are not simply to accommodate your needs to make you feel loved.

      For example a man who doesn't remember birthdays, anniversaries, nor buy flowers just because, or comes up with romantic suggestions/surprises might give his life in a heartbeat to protect the woman he loves. Could this woman really say just because he's never made her breakfast in bed means he does not love her as much as she loves him?

      Supposed she's not willing to die to protect him does it mean she does not love him as much as he loves her?

      A while back I was doing a radio interview and the host told me whenever he starts dating someone he asks them: "How do you know when you are loved?" Based upon how they answer he knows whether or not he is the "right" guy for them.

      The goal is not to find someone who (will) do what you want or need but instead to find someone already does what you want or need. If you or your mate has to change your core being to make a relationship work it means you have selected the wrong mate for yourselves.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde