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Unrequited love, Why does it hurt so much?

Updated on October 13, 2014

Disclaimer

I must state for the record, I am not a medical professional. My advice shouldn't be used in replacement to medical threatment. My advice comes from basic observation, basic psychology, basic human behavior, and personal experience. Please use as a guide for abstract thinking purposes only. Thank you in advance for your support!

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What is Unrequited love?

Welcome Readers, with the number of single parent to two parent households rising in rampant succession. A lot of people are left wondering what happened? This article will explore ONLY ONE aspect of that question. I believe more othen than not people are experiencing unrequited love. What is unrequited love? Unrequited love is in short when you love someone and they don't return the same feeling. Now I used the term "feeling" because it doesn't necessarily mean they don't love you back. It just isn't the same feeling of love that you have for that person. The real issue here is that most times, we don't know that we are victims of unrequited love. We waste a lot of time, energy, and money invested into someone who doesn't share the same feelings. This article will explore the signs of unrequited love, what to do if your suffering from unrequited love, and how to move on afterwards.

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Signs of unrequited love

SIGN #1: The first and most obvious sign starts with the other person's behavior towards you. It is important to observe the other person's behavior because actions are generated within and never lie. Also known as the blueprint to understanding when someone loves you. The first behavior you need to look for is how othen does this person actually want to spend time with you? Everyone has things they need to do but when this person does have downtime how much of it is spent willingly (meaning without asking) with you? If this person doesn't like to spend personal time with you that is an obvious sign that the person isn't as invested in you.

SIGN #2: When you do spend personal time together, what are you mostly doing during that time? This is an honest question you must ask yourself, for you to have a clear window as to what is keeping this person around you. If most of your time is spent for example having sexual relations, than that is probably the basis of your relationship. Or for another example, if most of the time is spent doing drugs/drinking than that person is probably attached to the "fun factors" of your relationship.

SIGN #3: Keep a personal memory of the conversations you had with this person. Where your conversations one sided or did you both share valuable feelings? What was the overall feelings and who felt them? For example, if your conversations are mostly one sided with you sharing all your personal feelings for this person and they barely say two words. You need to try to evaluate what those two words were. Did they say they loved back? Did they talk about the future and include you in them? Did they share what their dreams were? All questions that you need answers too if you don't have them already. Although if they haven't shared them with you already. Its clearly a sign that they don't particularly see your relationship going much further.

SIGN #4: Last but not least, does this person publicly claim you? Is your relationship with this person known to anyone outside of yourselves? Does the most important people in your lives know that your having a relationship with this person? The meaning behind this is when a person is fully committed to loving you above all others than that person will want to share you with the people important in their life. For an example, if the person refuses to take you out publicly or declines every chance for you to know any of their family than that is a clear sign that they aren't serious about you.

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It is unrequited love

Now if you are suffering from unrequited love, fear not because many people gone through this a couple times over. The important thing to know is that you CAN'T force anyone to love you. If they can't see all the valuable aspects you bring to the table then that is not in anyway your fault. Even if they do love you, they may not value you for who you are. They may not take you seriously. Sadly it is human nature to fix something if it is broken. Although when someone doesn't share the same feelings for you it is time to make a decision. Are you willingly to continue this unhappy, one sided relationship? Or are you willingly to be alone and look for someone who will make you completely happy? This type of love is often referred to as selfish. Meaning that the other person is viewed as a selfish person because they are milking the love from you without giving you the same in return. It is very hard to understand and see because the person DOES have some feelings for you. It is human nature to desire the things that keep us feed. It is also human nature to fight to keep the things that keep us happy. Although that doesn't mean it is the feeling your seeking. It is a type of love, but not the type you need to feel complete.

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How to move on

Moving on from someone you love is not easy. It is a very inner painful process and takes a lot of time. Although the cure here is drawing on your inner strengh and relying on it to pull you through. Even if you feel that your inner strengh is weak, by drawing on it and relying on it you will grow stronger. The suffering you feel will turn into learning experiences. The time you spent with this person will fade into memories stored away. You must understand that when a person doesn't love you the way you do them it is NOT your fault. Their inability to love you in the way you need is not your problem. It is theirs. You have to let this go because it will drain the life from you. It will turn you cold and bitter if you hang onto someone who doesn't value you. Your chances of finding someone is a billion. There are billions of men and women in the world. You will find someone else eventually. Take comfort in focusing on rebuilding yourself and loving yourself more than ever. That positive energy will attract more people to you. I hope you found this article informative. Until next time readers, ciao.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Very interesting!

      Everyone experiences having a crush on someone or being involved with someone who doesn't feel the same way. On the other hand most of us have also rejected others or attempted to find ways to let them down easy. It's the circle of life. You're not going to want everyone who wants you!

      I believe #3 is very important especially if one finds they are becoming emotionally invested. It's easy to go on "auto pilot" or make "assumptions" that you're both "in love" and want the same things. When in reality only one person is crazy in love. They mistake the crumbs that are tossed to them for being the whole cake! Whenever they do have some doubts they attempt to talk themselves into ignoring "red flags". "If he/she really didn't care about me then he/she wouldn't have said this or done that for me."

      In other instances people are too cowardly to ask the person point blank how they feel about them. It's one thing not to be all that serious early on but if three months have gone by it's good to "classify" your relationship status; "booty call", "friends with benefits", or "exclusive relationship".

      Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. You can't make another person "fall in love" with you. However in order for him/her to be "the one" they'd have to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who wants what you want from the relationship!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

    • profile image

      Trisha 2 years ago

      Thanks for being on point and on tatrge!

    • profile image

      Charles 3 months ago

      Thank you for that last paragraph.

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