Validate Me Please, Are we seeking validation in a dangerous way?
Lord, help us!
What do you think?
The context was, I was in the class, Womanist Theology in Pastoral Care and our Professor posed a question to us, “Why do women stay with men or in relationships that put themselves in danger?” These were my initial thoughts that I submitted to her.
The question was posed, why does a woman stay with a man, when the relationship puts herself and her life in danger?
One possibility I explored is validation. Validation is a very powerful tool in pastoral care, psychology, psychiatry, sociology, musicology, etc. Validation has synonyms such as, authenticate, verify, prove. It is defined as on dictionary.com as, 1“. to make valid; substantiate; confirm: Time validated our suspicions.
2. to give legal force to; legalize. 3. to give official sanction, confirmation, or approval to, as elected officials, election procedures, documents, etc.: to validate a passport.”
Validation is a tool many of us used as children to find our friends those we found kinship with. Our friends validated our concerns in the world. They made them authentic or real. When our parents didn’t seem to understand, our friends did. And on some level they understand a part of us as children that our parents just didn’t seem to get. In your story of your father giving you the name his lucky black cat, he flipped an age old superstition as well as validated your greatness, as did the women in the juke joint. They authenticated you were going to be someone you were lucky as your father instilled in you initially. (positive reinforcement)
In terms of mates, recent studies have shown that we are most attracted to individuals that we have things in common with, no necessarily opposites attract. Therefore, to answer the question, maybe when this young woman comes across this deadly young man or vice versa, they may be on paper opposites, but in the long run, they are more similar than you think. Although he maybe or she maybe killing their partner mentally, physically, emotional, just on every subconscious social humanist level, yet she/he is so drawn to this person.
I would say there is something inside of this woman/man that is being validated by this man or woman, and also for the deadly partner something that their victim/lover is also validating. Perception is one thing, but perception only becomes truth if the person that is being perceived believes or buys into the assumption. If I think I am wonderful, but my first grade classmate points out my inadequacies and the inadequacies are my own worse fears about myself and I feel he has validated my fears.
I have bought into his claim and now the perception is my reality be it true or not. If I happen upon a man who seems to reveal this part of me that I think is hidden on some level, and then he is great, he is smarter than the rest, because he has seen me for who I perceive myself to be. That’s the tricky thing of validation it is a double edged sword it can cause a person to be affirmed and liberated but it can also be a tool of the deceiver to totally debilitate or render their target in a helpless state of purposed self-reality.
This is an interesting quote I found as I searched for definitions of Validation. "Love's way of dealing with us is different from conscience's way. Conscience commands; love inspires. What we do out of love, we do because we want to do it. Love is, indeed, one kind of desire; but it is a kind that takes us out of ourselves and carries us beyond ourselves, in contrast to the kind that is self-seeking —a kind that includes the desire for the "extinguishedness" of Nirvana. Love is freedom; conscience is constraint; yet, in two points, our relation to love is the same as our relation to conscience. We are free to reject love's appeal, as we are free to reject conscience's command; yet love, like conscience, cannot be rebuffed with impunity. Rebuffed, love will continue to importune us; and this for the reason for which a violated conscience does. Love's authority, like consciences, is absolute. Like conscience, too, love needs no authentication or validation by any authority outside itself. Speculations about love's credentials, or lack of credentials, cannot either enhance or diminish love's absoluteness."
Sound off why do women stay in these abusive relationships killing not only their spirit, but their safety, and security?
What some women have said in response to the song, Love is Blind.............
- U ain't the only one...I am feeling the same way u felt.....i was too scared to say i was done....but now me and him been broke up for two year now...-mstamekia790
I have not heard this song in forever. When I heard it it made me think of a friend of mine was in an abusive relationship and she didn't get out before it was too late, and I miss her so much! Rest In Peace my friend! I miss you everyday!-PinkAngel85
Had a friend in this similar situation, thank God she left before she really got hurt. My heart goes out to all the ladies to have gone through this or are going through it right now. Don't ever let a man put his hands on you ! Get help before it's to late :/-Abby Cruz
listen i been here men will find your weakness and prey on it i promise if you are in a relationship like this it is NOT LOVE he just wants to controll you get out NOW dnt stay cause it will only get worse i promise i love yall and i feel yalls pain cause i been there -brittanybritt23 (not me another Brittany)
this song gives me goose bumps my bestfriend tammy passed away april 2nd 2011, the father of her babies did her soooo dirty n i hate him for that n this song sooo describes this situation... r.i.p tammy i love u baby girl "dueces" as she would say- MrWaxworldwide
I CRY WHEN EVER I SEE THIS VIDEO OF HEAR THIS SONG. BECAUSE I TOO WAS IN TWO SITUATIONS LIKE THIS BUT WAS TOO SCARED TO SAY IM DONE OR IM LEAVING OR JUST IN FEAR OF WHAT THIS PERSON MIGHT DO. I ACTUALLY TOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE SOMETIMES. SO LADIES OUT THERE IF YOU ARE IN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS PLEASE DONT BE AFRAID TO LEAVE. PLEASE!!!!! GET HELP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.-DESTINY22251
Love is blind, here's some glasses, if this is you there is help available
What do I do quick help in your local area?
- Help for Abused & Battered Women: Domestic Violence Shelters & Support
- Domestic Abuse Shelter - A New Beginning
Domestic Abuse Shelter helps survivors of Domestic Abuse begin again and provides immediate safety needs of abuse victim & their children and educates, supports and promotes community awareness about Domestic Violence in the Florida Keys
- Domestic Violence Statistics - AARDVARC.org
Tactics of abuse. An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection. Information, referrals, publications and assistance for victims and victim service professionals including law enforcement, victim advocates, domestic violence shelte