Vital Information Needed by All Newlyweds
Legal and social disclaimer: this is not a story about the latest and unusual sexual information discovered in New Delhi for newlywed couples. This is a simple story with priceless information that will help to enrich marriages, not wreck them. Thank you. Kenneth
"Mr. Husband-to-be," I need to talk to you
So here you are, “Mr. Lucky,” standing at the altar with your groomsmen and an humble priest. While you are waiting for your lovely bride (and father who is giving her away), to make her entrance to this lavish cathedral, did you ever think that you are also standing on the edge of eternity about to say the heart-felt vow you wrote to your intended and when she does the same, your two lives, although are supposed to be as one, actually will never be the same.
Truthfully. No matter if your marriage lasts for a week or ten years, your lives are moments away from changing forever.
Are you scared yet? Have you had any second thoughts scamper through your mind? These, my friend, are obvious questions, but let me ask you “the” most-important question one could ask a bridegroom: How well do you know your lovely bride?
I don't mean to scare you
Don’t look at me with your face all pale with fear. I am totally-serious. I know that you and your fiancé dated for about six months, and then you somehow knew that she was the one you wanted to spend your life with. Do you really think that six months was long enough for the two of you to get to know each other well enough for probably the most-serious area of life, marriage?
Why are you sweating and your hands shaking like a Polynesian belly dancer? You “are” scared and doubtful that I may be right in my asking you these serious questions that affect not only your future, but her future as well.
Before your bride (and father) get here, step over here behind these fake ferns and let me lead you through some vital areas of your relationship with your bride-to-be and be ready to answer the pointed-questions in each area as honest as you can.
Before You Asked Her to Marry You, Did You Ask Her These Questions?
Vintage photo of newlywed couples
- Can she read the directions in a cookbook well enough to cook a meal for you and her?
- Does she know what weight of motor oil her car uses?
- Is she a good shot with a 12-gauge shotgun when it comes to shooting crows?
- Does she have a criminal record that she is hiding from you?
- Will her widowed mother be living with you and her after the marriage?
At What Point Did She Start Talking About Marriage?
- On the second date when she rode in the new Corvette you just bought last week? (Did you not think this strange, her talking about marriage on the second date?)
- On the fourth date when you finally confided in her about how much money you were worth?
- After she did start talking about being your wife, did the subject of separate checking accounts dominate the conversations between the two of you?
In The Area of Trust
- Do you really want to know how many guys she dated before you came along?
- How do you feel about her keeping the names and phone numbers of those guys on a list she keeps in her purse?
- Are you comfortable when you are with her at dinner and every man who sees her, winks at her?
- Are you ashamed of your, let us say, non-promiscuous single life that you won’t share with her because you are too ashamed?
- Why didn’t she answer your question: Why does she have two names
Concerning Her Background
- Did she attend grade school, high school and college?
- Why did she quickly change the subject when you asked her this question about her education?
- Has she ever had a job, and if so, what kind and where?
- Is she really single and never married? Well then, why does a man named “Dave,” keep calling her cell phone and insisting that she give back the deed to a plush house located in Los Angeles?
When You and Her Were Dating, Did These Things Make You Suspicious?
- She would answer the phone in a man’s voice. Then giggle and tell you she was pranking you.
- She stood you up three times, but you saw her at a gentleman’s club pole dancing under the alias of “Barb Blaze,” and when she knew she was busted, she suddenly ran off-stage and the manager couldn’t find her.
- She says her love for you is her “drug,” but on more than one occasion a known drug dealer was leaving her apartment when you came to pick her up for a dinner date. And the rest of the evening she made several trips to the ladies room and came back with her eyes glazed and sniffing as if she had an allergy.
- She has trouble remembering your name.
Divorce stats at a glance . . .
The National Center for Health Statistics reports that from 1975 to 1988 in the US, in families with children present,
wives file for divorce in approximately two-thirds of cases. In 1975, 71.4% of the cases were filed by women, and in 1988,
65% were filed by women.
According to a study published in the American Law and Economics Review, women currently file slightly more than two-thirds
of divorce cases in the US. There is some variation among states, and the numbers have also varied over time, with about 60%
of filings by women in most of the 19th century, and over 70% by women in some states just after no-fault divorce was introduced,
according to the paper.
Marriage and Divorce rates in the US 1990-2007
"Rate of divorce" usually refers to the number of divorces that occur in the population during a given period. However it is also
used in common parlance to refer to the likelihood of a given marriage ending in divorce (as opposed to the death of a spouse).
In 2002 (latest survey data as of 2012), 29% of first marriages among women aged 15–44 were disrupted (ended in separation,
divorce or annulment) within 10 years. Beyond the 10-year window, population survey data is lacking, but forecasts and estimates
provide some understanding. It is commonly claimed that half of all marriages in the United States eventually end in divorce, an
estimate possibly based on the fact that in any given year, the number of marriages is about twice the number of divorces.
Using 1995 data, National Survey of Family Growth forecast in 2002 a 43% chance that first marriages among women aged
15–44 would be disrupted within 15 years. More recently, having spoken with academics and National Survey of Family Growth
representatives, PolitiFact.com estimated in 2012 that the lifelong probability of a marriage ending in divorce is 40%–50%.
Did You Not Think Something Was Up When She Talked to You About These Things:
- Having plastic surgery to change the look of her face.
- Taking a course in learning a foreign language.
- Making you have plastic surgery so you can look like Tab Hunter.
- She almost demanded that you allow her three nights on the town with her girlfriends.
- Making monthly payments of $30,000 to her “Uncle Slim,” in Las Vegas who is suffering from having a liver transplant go bad because the doctor, who was really unlicensed, placed the liver of an ape in her uncle.
One more question, my good man:
You and I have been standing here behind these fake ferns for almost two hours, so where is your bride?
I am fully-aware
that this piece was told from a scared groom's point of view. And that was how I designed it. I intend on publishing a hub of rebuttal from the bride's point of view.
That to me would be the fair thing to do.
And to clarify, this hub was NOT intended to make men smarter than women or grooms smarter than brides.
Quite the opposite. The fictional man in this hub was rather gullible when it came to women. Especially women who, in the olden days were referred to as, "Gold diggers." But this guy was to happy that he had found a woman who would live with him, he never bothered taking off those "rose colored glasses."