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Updated on November 18, 2010

When I Left

When I left,
It was like walking the plank
And falling
head first into the abyss.
Wave after wave
Would wash me ashore
Only to drag me out again,
Over and over till
I reached a point
Where I just gave up.
I stopped struggling.

Each time I sank
To the bottom,
I could see the currents,
The turmoil,
The underwater battles,
Battles that were fought
And lost
A very long time ago,.
Long long before us.

But I continued to fight
Inside my heart and soul,
Only to scar people,
Like you,
Who simply wanted to love me.

My good fortune
Was a motley band of loving friends
Who did not feel sorry for me,
But who insisted
I get ahold of myself,
Reset my compass,
And swim.


I am forever grateful
For those who not only held me
But who insisted
I NOT survive,
Who insisted
Through this time of pain
And healing.


And who continue to insist
That I clean up the spill
And pay the price
For the damage.


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    • vrbmft profile imageAUTHOR

      Vernon Bradley 

      8 years ago from Yucaipa, California

      THANKS, AMY, for reading and commenting

      Well, after reading your comment, it made me wonder what the heck was I thinking when I walked the plank!! I really enjoy and appreciate your thoughtful, thought provoking, and insightful comments. They add something extra.



    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 

      8 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      The picture at the top of your piece perfectly illustrates the turbulence, just over the edge, the past receding, but blending into that dangerous water right next to the boat, threatening to take a brave soul under. In my life, the realization of what I need to do is difficult. I'd rather not jump in the thick of all that turmoil, beating me up and casting me off and back, only to have to struggle back on the boat and start anew. Stirring writing that churns the readers brain and imagination. Awesome

    • vrbmft profile imageAUTHOR

      Vernon Bradley 

      8 years ago from Yucaipa, California

      Wow, three comments to respond to. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. It has been an incredibly wonderful three months of facing demons!! As well as scary and painful. But I am relieved, so to speak, that I can take responsibility for the messes I have made. I don't know what healing between us may lie down the road, but I am open to doing the healing work and at least I want healing for each of us no matter what happens to our relationship.


      Thanks so much for sharing your personal story in response to any number of my hubs lately. It is helpful when we share with each other for many different reasons, especially between men.

      FGual, quite soulfully and eloquently spoken there. We resent what we need, repel what we want.... What is wrong with our species?!!!

      And SYLVIA

      You have shared with us such an incredible journey of your own and you are a testimony that it is really okay to go the distance even tho it doesn't turn out the way we wished. Just hang out with life for a while and don't draw any conclusions!!! At some point each day, I keep giving up trying to make sense out of my present life and just live it for today.

      So Men and Woman, thanks for being fans and sharing in what is a very profound time in my life as it seems to be for each of you as well. Love you all and peace.


    • FGual profile image


      8 years ago from USA

      There is soul in your writing. It's tough being a man sometimes, and layers of regrets pile up on our brains, sometimes unbearable. We resent what we need, we repel what we want, not wanting to accept.

    • profile image


      8 years ago


      The romantic in me yearns to hear the happy ever after. But the newly forming me is wondering about the me and you instead of us relationship and wondering if that may not be a happily ever after...

      Sorry I am rambling, but your writing makes me think.

    • justom profile image


      8 years ago from 41042

      Vern, sometimes it's really hard to comment on you writing. I feel like we've in some ways walked the same walk but I guess a lot of us guys have. I normally am a pretty upbeat guy but when my past love life comes up I'm like a motherless child. My only regret in life is not being a better man to the women who cared enough to say they loved me. As always I wish you Peace brother! Tom


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