WHERE DID ALL MY FRIENDS GO

I was explaining to an acquaintance today just how overwhelmed I was, when she asked, “Don’t you have anyone you can talk to about it?”1 This got me to wonder, “Where did all my friends go”?

I remember in my grade school that I had a few friends, not a whole lot but a few really good friends. There was Lana and Cathy, back then we did everything together, we had each other’s back all the way till Grade Eight and then we graduated.

We set off to different high schools and agreed that we would always stay in touch but I don’t even think I passed by them on the streets. I don’t know what happened there but all of a sudden I was in high school with new friends. Then I was certain that Christine, Lisa and Jackie were my best buds, we stuck together like glue.

Jackie, I remember was hilarious, she used to make me laugh so hard and all my new friends taught me things that I had not a clue. I remember we were at every school dance together and we danced as a group when the boys were too scared to ask us to dance, those were the good old days.

High school years were my toughest years, I went through all my changes then, I grew up and I cried as well but those girls, my best friends, were all there for me. I thought that going through all that cemented our friendship forever. We picked out our prom dresses together and even shared the limo ride together with our dates, but what happened after graduation? It feels like our life just ended after high school and I couldn’t really tell you where any of them are today, where did all my friends go?

I chose to go to an out oftownCollegein a big city and that is the last that I can recall of my girls, my best friends.

While in College, I met a few more new friends and as I headed off into the work world I met a few more. So why is it that when I look around today I don’t have a single one of them left?

Somewhere along the way I got married and had children and kept working, and as I changed and my life changed, I lost some friends who were going in a different direction. With a few kids I got lost in my focus on them, their schools, their sports and their lives. As they switched from one thing to another so did my friendships, they switched from one friend to another, I lost my best friends, I lost my good friends, now all I have are friends from my children’s school and outside teams. Which to be honest they were not really my friends; they were just people I knew because my children were on teams with their children.

As my children got older and older and the first one moved from high school to University, I found that I lost some friends. As the second oldest moved off as well I found that I had even fewer friends and now every time my last one goes on summer vacation, I realize that I have no friends.

I am now left wondering, “Where did all my friends go”? When I say friends, I am not talking about the soccer moms that I laugh with and chat with whenever I see them but never off the field. Nor the parents from their schools that I say hello to at parent teacher meetings or when I drop my kids off to hang with theirs.

When I say friends, I am talking about the ones back in the day that had my back and I had theirs. The ones that I could share everything with; cry on their shoulders and they would help me through it all. The friends that I could call first thing in the morning if I need to talk or late at night when I want to talk. They didn’t judge me and they knew me inside and out, they understood what I was going through even when I tried to hide it.

Where are those friends, those are the friends I need right now, I need them to make me laugh and to keep me smiling. I need them to talk to right now.

It is completely insane the number of good friends that I had throughout my life and I don’t mean ten or twenty, I mean a good amount like maybe six or seven. Still here I sit not knowing where they are or what they are up to, I some how lost them along the way. I can’t really say how, but I know that I no longer know where they are or even how to get in touch with them and if I did would things really be the same. What is really crazy is that today I am here with no one really to talk to, no one that I can trust with my deepest darkest secrets, no one to laugh and joke around with. Never thought I would end up here but I sure as heck wish I had my friends.