ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Waiting to Exhale with No strings Attached

Updated on September 15, 2015

Determined to move on, the struggle to remain focused is definitely real. Its one thing to break up with your boyfriend, but an entire divorce from my husband is another story in itself! Acceptance came soon after we made it official to split. I noticed the signs long before we were really over, but I desperately tried to convince myself that this just couldn’t be. I have lived by this motto in life; never say never. At the drop of a dime my whole life changed and I had little to no control over the situation. Believe me you, I have thought of many sinister methods of how I could sabotage his life with his new woman. I smiled wickedly to myself as I pictured busting out her living room windows…that smile faded as I thought about police officers and being jail for attempted murder. I love my children and my freedom far too much. Fighting fire with fire just won’t do in my case. Worry does nothing to the human mind but infest & clout it with outlandish possibilities that really has nothing to do with reality. I’ll have the last laugh for sure, but right now, this is no laughing matter.

Many of my female associates have tried to influence me to get him back for all the hurt he has caused me. If you know like I know, then you know where they told me to hit him hard. His pockets. Make him pay they said. Get child support, get alimony, and get your truck they said. On the contrary, I have no desire to be the bitter black woman who goes after a man’s money once he no longer wants anything to do with her. No way, not me! Of course I expect him to care for his children, but all those material things…he can keep. I am in transition to receive better. Better as in, better than anything he has ever or will ever own. He can have the car, I don’t want his money, but he will take care of his kids. PERIOD. In the meantime and between times, I have bigger fish to fry. I am no longer concerned about him and his new lover. The peace I gained when I TRULY let it go, was magical. It was like I was hindering myself from true happiness. Sooooo, what now?

As a woman, it is natural to long for warm hugs and attention. Call me picky but I can’t have just anybody hugging on me, some people do not wash their hands! Most men are intimidated by me because they already know when they see me, I’m nothing to be played with. I believe it is the way I carry myself, or the intent I have in my eyes. Either way, men hardly ever approach me in person. If they do, they had better have something meaningful to say. I tend to appreciate their respect for my privacy, I have no desire to “rap” or get to know anybody. I’d rather guys NOT try to holler at me, then I won’t have to hurt their feelings. I need a moment to get my mind right. I talked with one of my older girlfriends and she said, “Well you know Kris, the best way to get over one man is to get under another.” In any other circumstance I would have disagreed with her to the fullest extent. However, seeing as though my ex has moved on and happiness is key to my survival, I might have to change my way of thinking for a moment.

People are going to have an opinion about my life whether I like it or not. Who cares what other people think? If having consensual sex is what is going to me happy then dammit, where’s the beef? I’m a grown woman, and as a woman I do not have to tell you that a woman has needs. I’ve been missing in action and haven’t given anyone the time of day. A lot of men in the society talk a good game but they fall in love quicker than women these days. I don’t want to fall in love just now, I don’t even want to discuss what it really is. I understand Miguel when he sang, “I don’t want to be loved, I don’t want to be loved…I just want a quickie, no bite marks no scratches and no hickies.” I’m waiting to exhale. It’s been a long frustrating year for me and more than anything I want to wrap my legs around a man and release all that has been built up. Yes, yes I know! What kind of talk is this for a woman who has just barely started the processes of divorce? It’s my kind of talk, get with it or get lost. J

I takes a mature woman to be able to know what she wants, go get what she wants and keeps it to herself. Too many times we find women gloating about their sexcapades. Honestly, if it isn’t in a book, people don’t care. Earlier this week a woman and her lesbian lover were airing dirty laundry when the other caught her cheating on Facebook. The things I read in the comments would make any mother ashamed. Facebook; the #1 killer in relationships. Low-key is the way to be. That’s just how I roll. I hardly want to be seen in person, so I sure as hell don’t want to be caught checking into anybody’s motel. The last thing I want is to be coming out of a hotel while my ex is going in. The less I say, the less can be repeated. I will say this though, after a heart break, a season to heal and time to myself, I have come to the terms that I need the type of affection that can only come from a man. Not just any man…a real man. Only a real (mature) man will know what to do with a woman like me in a situation like this. Its more than just sex, this is sexual healing….with no strings attached. It takes a strong minded man to be able to do what I need done.

I haven’t explored many possibilities, this has only been theory in my mind for now. Being single is not as difficult as I thought it would be, I was just used to having a man around. When you go from getting “it” daily to not at all…it tends to mess with your mental somewhat. In my younger years, before I got married and started having children, it was a breeze for me to catch a hot date. Now that I am single again, it’s like I’ve lost my mojo. You know it’s bad when you intend to flirt but it somehow ends up awkward. It’s been a good 6 years since I’ve been on the dating scene. Granted I am a beautiful woman, but I tend to be awkward when I find someone attractive. Often times, I keep my comments to myself and keep it moving before I say something to embarrass myself. Cuffing season is upon us, and while everyone is out being in love and buying cute little matching outfits I’m at home, writing a book and maintaining a blog. Awesome.

All this time I have been holding on to my frustrations refusing to give my time to anyone. A part of me hoped all of this was just a joke and he would be home again in no time. I’ve watched the weeks fly by and quickly turn into months which is now closing in on a year. I need a distraction, something that makes me forget time exists. Someone who understands my plight and has the antidote to this horrible sickness commonly known as celibacy J (That’s me being sarcastic) God knows my heart, and He also knows when He created me, He created an undercover freak. Up until now, my husband had been the only man who I desired. He is no longer my husband, and I am no longer his wife. There is nothing unnatural about the way I am feeling. There are times when a woman has to love herself, or she is just going to be one angry unloved individual. I refuse to do that to myself. I know what I want. My eyes can see, and my ears can hear, I do not miss a beat. This is a personal mission, not to find love but to regain my equanimity. I suppose you could say I am literally waiting to exhale. Until then, I’ll be here…writing & waiting…waiting and writing.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago

      I suppose it's only natural us Chicagoland people would see eye to eye! :)

    • IWriteyouRead profile imageAUTHOR

      Kristina Riddle 

      3 years ago from Joliet, Il

      I love it dashing scorpio!!! Precisely!!

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago

      This was an very insightful article which I'm sure many women in your position can relate to.

      Wanting sex without love or commitment is still not generally accepted in the psyche of most women. Our society tends to brainwash women to view sex in terms of relationships and marriage. Any woman who behaves like a man is often looked down upon by other women!

      The reality is sex is many ways is like thirst and hunger for a particular thing. You have an urge and you want the satisfaction of getting what you want.

      Most people would agree or understand anyone having gone through a divorce is in no hurry to jump into a full-time committed relationship.

      The mental conflict arises in most women because they may only want sex but at the same time they want a man who does not see them as a sex object. They don't want to be viewed as a "booty call" even though that is what they themselves are looking for!

      If a woman dresses up and hits a nightclub there are lots of men who will gladly jump into bed with her. Getting laid is very easy for most women!

      However trying to hookup with someone you consider to be "relationship material" without having a relationship is nearly impossible. The only exceptions are being a mistress or having a "friend with benefits" arrangement with one of your platonic friends who is dating other women. Sexual exclusivity leads to desiring a relationship.

      Trust me there are tons of married men in sexless marriages who fantasize about having a sexual freak on the side!

      Even if you're only sleeping with one man you'd have to act as if you're free to do whatever you want and make sure he knows you're not interested in tying him up either. Oddly enough a lot of guys see women like that as a challenge!

      (They'll try to get you to fall in love with them!)


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)