- Gender and Relationships»
Wanting to be a good wife
I'm on the path to a wedding. It's 2 days away and the countdown begins. I will officially be Mrs. Blankenberg on Wednesday. And for the past week I've been racking my brain on how to be the perfect wife. And it's been driving me nuts. All I keep thinking is : "Am going to be a good enough wife for him." Of course I know the basics. I know how to cook (but shh don't you ever tell him that) I can clean, do the laundry, dust etc etc. But what really makes a good wife? I honestly don't think it's doing the household chores that make you a wonderful wife. It goes deeper than that. So I've been researching and reading anything I can get my hands on. And here's what I've come up with...
First and foremost you must be a secure and confident woman. Constantly putting yourself down and belittling yourself in front of him is just another way of saying to him that he has horrible taste in women. Obviously if your man is with you it's because he finds you attractive (though looks aren't the only reason) and he wants to be with you.
You must be expressive with your feelings and your needs. Don't ever expect your man to be a mind reader. If there is something that you want or need, then you need to ask. It's the only way he's going to know how you feel, or what you want. There must be a level of communication that is clear, calm, and direct. It's the only way to expressively get your points across without argument.
Remember that neither one of you are perfect. So don't expect the moon from him. You both are going to be trying from day one to fulfill every expectation. But that is not a reality. Marriage is work. And work must come from both sides in order for it to be lasting.
Pick your battles wisely. Nagging and nitpicking can destroy a relationship. Focus on what is important and let the little things go. Don't sweat the small things, live for the big things.
Accept him for who he is. I know there are things that we all tolerate in the dating stages. But if it isn't something that you like, the the issue should have been addressed way before you ever got married. By accepting him for who he is you are showing him that you have deep respect and gratitude for him. Loving him means loving all of him, faults and all. Be supportive and let him grow in the direction that he chooses to grow. We are always growing and shaping even as adults. Things are going to change the older we grow.
Manage your stress. We, as women, handle stress a lot differently than men do. So when you are feeling stressed or he is feeling stressed, learn what you can do to help each other through it. Making sure that you know how to handle and cope with your own stress will take much unneeded pressure away from your marriage.
Don't criticize your husband. Never in front of others, or behind his back. This goes back to accepting him fully. Of course there are going to be things about him that bug the heck out of you. Just like there are going to be things that bug him about you. But criticizing isn't going to help.
Be supportive, comforting, encouraging, and compliment him. And do it as much as you can. A positive marriage is a happy marriage. There is a difference between the expression of your needs and you criticizing his ability to meet them.