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Warning (to Guys): Hugging Certain Females Can Devastating to Your Confidence

Updated on August 12, 2015
Now this hub is just too inappropriate between a male and female friends who see each other on a regular basis.
Now this hub is just too inappropriate between a male and female friends who see each other on a regular basis. | Source

Hugging: Today is a minefield

Here is a "Did You Know" fact? Note, that this is not a jab at manners or my feeble attempt of being funny. You may scoff in disbelief at the following fact but . . .a hug is the most dangerous, embarrassing gestures of the human existence. Read it again if you think you have missed something.

To "split hairs," this can only apply to males because I have not ran across any incidents where females have been "raked over the coals" for innocently hugging a male in any place or situation. So once again, we males can chalk-up hugging as an area for us to tread softly even if hugging is a part of our personality.

Let's discuss hugs for a moment. How innocent hugs used to be. Oh, for the simplicity of a hug in a nation gone wild. (I wish that the late writer, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson were here observing my thoughts). Hugs, I wish could still be thought of as "nature's perfect show of affection" like Chiquita bananas' famous ad slogan: "Bananas: Nature's perfect food." But sadly, somehow, that destructive beast, "Mr. Sensitivity" crawled out of his hole and suddenly it is improper to give a hug to anyone--but especially a male to a female although they are close friends.

This is a good example of appropriate hugging.
This is a good example of appropriate hugging. | Source

When is being nice wrong?

This makes no sense. To dive into my analogy, it is similar to me, a male, knowing, sharing, and respecting a rich friendship with an intelligent, caring, and selfless female for over five years. She knows my faults and flaws, but yet cares for me as a close friend. But one day, she gets this tendency to tell me off and I am shocked. Of course I ask, "What did I do?" thinking I subconsciously gave her a sexual advance, but her astonishing answer was: "I cannot stand hugging, touching and talking on the phone when you call."

After an hour of regrouping, the only thing I could say was, "Well, I apologize for the fifth time and since we've known each other for almost five years, at least you could have told me in the beginning what you liked and what you didn't like and we wouldn't be at this impass right now."

She did admit that "some" of the blame was hers. And added that I did not do anything improper. So that left me standing in the rain looking as out of place as a wedding veil laying atop a trash can.

More about hugging . . .

This is not a hug for casual friends.
This is not a hug for casual friends. | Source
Close friends do not hug like this.
Close friends do not hug like this. | Source
This is an acceptable hug for friends who have not seen each other for months.
This is an acceptable hug for friends who have not seen each other for months. | Source
Are you serious?
Are you serious? | Source
This is a trick photo. This is not an appropriate hug. See the woman's hand and how it lays on the man's neck? Not a good idea.
This is a trick photo. This is not an appropriate hug. See the woman's hand and how it lays on the man's neck? Not a good idea. | Source

Time for honesty . . .

Do you or have you ever known a female like the one in my story?

See results

So instead of wallowing around in self-pity, I am making an effort to help all other regular guys who show niceness, respect, and care for a female friend with a short, gentle hug or a nice word about their life's work, by presenting this piece entitled . . .

Warning (to Guys): Hugging Certain Females Can Devastating to Your Confidence

Know When to Hug:

  • Not until you have seen your female friend for over six months.
  • When she is dealing with a very streneous situation. Then be sure to ask her permission to hug her.
  • When your words are futile and only a warm hug can suffice. Only when she is not in a crowd made up of her friends.
  • If you are leaving the U.S.A. to do some writing work in Thailand and you are not coming back. (You should see a look of relief on her face).

Know When Not to Hug:

  • When "you" feel it it okay. Sometimes your female friend may not approve of your innocent hugging.
  • When she is having a great time talking and laughing with her girlfriends.
  • When she has a load of things on her mind--which may be most of the time when you are around.
  • Do not try to hug your female friend if she seems a bit edgy. This can be dangerous.
  • Do not try to hug your female friend if "that" little voice inside you warns you to "stay your distance."

Introducing Newer, Safer, Politically and Spiritually Correct Ways for Males to Hug Females:

  • Walk up to your female friend, shut your eyes and mouth, and hug her, but not more than three seconds.
  • Turn your head away from your female friend, then hug her quickly.
  • Ask your female friend to turn her back to you. Then you turn your back to hers. When both your backs touch, walk away.
  • Extend your hands and only touch the outside of her shoulders. Nothing more. No harm. No fowl.
  • Stand side-by-side next to your female friend and let your shoulder touch hers. Then leave.

. . .or you could just cut through the maze of confusion and shake her hand.


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    • profile image

      Kenneth Avery 2 years ago


      I couldn't agree with you more. All things in the beginning and that includes people like this woman having enough character to address the hugging issue (for her) in the beginning.

      Thanks for your nice comment. And come back anytime.

    • profile image

      Kenneth Avery 2 years ago


      Absolutely right. When this lady and I started being friends, I would not be writing this comment if she had just stopped and explained how she felt about short hugs and receiving heart-felt compliments.

      Round one: Her.

      Come back anytime and I hope your day is good.

    • profile image

      Kenneth Avery 2 years ago

      Hi, PAINT DRIPS,

      I agree. There are huggies and non-huggies. But in my case, I have witnessed this "on edge" woman hug other males and females with ease, but with me, it was making her uncomfortable although she did admit that I did not present myself in a sexual light or word.

      I have been to church once since all of this happened and I simply cannot be a hypocrite inside while "acting" so good on the outside and allowing people to think that things are okay.

      I have entertained just studying my Bible and praying at home on Sundays. It is the same difference, but with no "edgies" with their egg shells.

      Thanks for the input.

    • ladyguitarpicker profile image

      stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

      I think if another person does not want to hug they should tell you from the start. I like the way we do it at some of our meetings, just ask the other person. I love to hug and would consider myself a real huggy as PAINTDRIPS has said she is. My mother was never a huggy person. I like to hug people when they come to visit especially family. I think people get too serious these days.

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image

      Denise McGill 2 years ago from Fresno CA

      My dear friend, I think there is another dynamic here that no one seems to want to address... there are huggy individuals and those who just don't like to hug. It came as quite a shock to me after 45 years of life with my mother when she said she didn't like all the hugs. I know the standing in the rain feeling... my mind flashed to 45 years of constant hugs... because well... I'm a very huggy person. I love to hug. I hug at every meeting whether it's been 6 months or 6 hours since I saw her last. My mom is one of those who could take it or leave it... mostly leave it. Apparently the huggies have shamed the non-huggies into just dealing with it but eventually the non-huggies rebel... hence your dilemma. You are right that the non-huggies should announce themselves up front so that those of us who are huggy by nature can refrain and avoid embarrassing situations. My only push back with men's hugs is when they are OBVIOUSLY feeling more than I wish for them to feel. Take heart, friend. Hugging shouldn't be all that humiliating with someone who has affection and understanding for your nature and your feelings. Sorry you went through that.


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