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Ways To Hip Hop To Those PMS Blues - FUNNY Inspirational

Updated on December 19, 2013

Got PMS?

by crazy Candace

I woke up this morning with a wonderful inspiration that should rock every woman's world. Get out your hankie and prepare to be blessed as you encounter the shocking reality " Sis, You're Not Alone." " I understand your pain!" I sympathize to the monthly monster you have become. I am here for ya as a sachet of lavender for the tense domestic scene you are about to perform. You may be in the auditioning phase of the act, but sista in few days I predict you will dominate lead actress or else. Or else what? Well, I would rather not frighten my readers, you see some of them are men folk. Hey! "Men folk you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can be held against you around a week prior to the end of the month, it's better to be safe than SORRY"*****

Why Did You Do It Eve?

Why oh why oh why did you do it Eve? Why did you eat that apple? Ever since she bit into that apple us ladies have been eaten Crabby Apples every month. She was the first case of PMS! Her legacy lives on :(

Which Definition Best Describes You?

  • Perfect
  • Misunderstood
  • Saint

  • Psychopathic
  • Mean
  • Statistic

  • Pre-historic
  • Monster
  • Screamer

  • Pitiful
  • Moody
  • Stressed

  • Princess
  • Mouthy
  • Strongwilled

  • Painfully
  • Miserable
  • Stuck-up

If none of the above characteristics have never applied to you than WHY ON EARTH HAVE YOU NOT SHARED YOUR SECRET WITH THE REST US THAT ARE NORMAL?>>>>WE WANT TO BE ABNORMAL LIKE YOU. YOU SHOULD PUBLISH A BOOK LIKE " Chicken Soup For The Hag On The Rag."

You mean I don't have to give in to PMS?

Ladies, we must not be dwellers in negative thinking, God didn't make us that way without providing an alternative route of escape from being so moody. I know it is fun joking and challenging our husbands look of dread when he detects the first sign, but is their anything we can do to turn our menstruation into a celebration?Absolutely!!!! No, I have not lost my sanity. I am a woman too and I believe (of course with God's help) we can prevent the catastrophic emotions before they exist.

Christian Comedian Chonda Pierce

Aaron Wilburn Christian Comedian " If You Nose Was Running Money"

MUST SEE Mark Lowry " I Can Eat It All "

"Omazing Grace" Gotta See This !

You Need to Laugh

Just like the old saying says, " Laughter is the best medicine!"

Good clean laughter exchanges any ole bad moody feeling to a perky and sometimes even hiper enthusiasm. I know that sounds like a mood swing, actually it is, but notice this, you controlled which way you swung your mood.

PMS should mean " Pamper Me Sweetie." Well, I was almost right, but I don't just mean husbands (though they need to do their part to be supportive) I mean YOU PAMPER YOU. Endulge yourself when that time approaches with things that swings you into positive thinking. Your hormones are like a million voices screaming in your head all at the same time ( not counting your husband, kids and the telephone), but you can see to it that those voices are complimenting and cheering you on to be the happy, likable person you desire to portray.

Be very cautious to stay away from bully, grouchy, negative people. If you get stuck with a sour pickle don't take time to pucker baby go find you a sweet one to talk to....

Enjoy a good clean comedian that will lift your spirits and soul at the same... Better than that - Become a comedian. Talk about funny things often- share yours and others bloopers. Church can be the funniest place to find bloopers, because your supposed to behave. I was in a good church service last night and a man was reading Psalms 150 aloud for the pastor. Since the chapter encourages people to praise the Lord he was reading with great vigor. Then he got his tongue tied. He tried to read vs. 6 " Let everything that hath breath praise the Lord." Yes, he sure did, he said, " Everything that hath breast." He corrected himself, but it was still funny. The same service my daughter was walking in with a pair of my sons underwear hanging from her hood stuck to the velcro.

Take time to laugh at yourself and those around you in a good way. This will cause your horomones to lean more toward the affectionate side of you.

Help Me God !

Self Distracting - Reaching Others

Have A Good Cry!

I know it seems I am contrasting myself, but every woman needs a good cry now and then for her emotional health to be what it should be.

I tell you I have to drink allot of water to keep up with the tears I shed that monthly holiday. (Why the post office, banks and government offices don't close down that time of month I do not know.) Of coarse most of those tears are my prayers, but I do shed a few Diet Coke and Green Tea ones too... Need a little caffeine boost ya know:.) I guess I can call it St. Candace Day ( You can tell that first definition of PMS applies to me:.) Some of you might have a spooky Hollermean, Hearmewhine's , Beasther, Independs, Mayday, Maximas or Cranksgiving Day, but if you just put you on a pretty song that will irrigate your tired and weary eyes with torrential tears you will feel a big load lift and you can put the holy back in the day.

Let it all out: Don't just settle for just a little cry " Let it all out." If you have to lock yourself in a room, kick and scream like a toddler, let it rip. You might feel like a limp rag doll for a while, but after while you'll feel like you can breathe again.

Do Something To Boost Your Confidence!

Choose that precious time to buy that stunning dress you've been eyeing!

Surprise everyone with a new fashionable hair style like lots of curls or a formal up-do at church or work that week.

Find what's driving you, what your dreaming to become and invest time toward making it reality.

Read the Bible and other inspirational books.

Find someone who has a need and meet it. Helping others distracts you from pity parties, depression, anxiety and feelings of hopelessness. You feel value!

Pray, Pray, Pray! I don't know what atheist do with their PMS, but I survive the blues mostly and most importantly through prayer and meditation. God pours out His Sweet Spirit and sweetens me while He's at it. Yes, you can make PMS spiritual. Actually if you really get a relationship with God and seek his blessings.....lots of time you don't have to have a bunch of remedies. Praise Makes Sense.... No, I've not lost my rocker, but an ounce of praise can knock down mountains of despair. Count your blessings, there's too many to put a period on the end... So lets turn our periods into comma's and get on with life girlfriends.God Bless! It's great to be a woman.

One More Enchanting Way To Hip Hop The PMS Blues Bye Bye

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    • singingmommy profile imageAUTHOR

      Candace Green 

      10 years ago from OKLAHOMA

      Tell us what that means MrMarmalade:.)

      Your great hubpages would not be the same without you, your wife's got a prize.

    • MrMarmalade profile image

      MrMarmalade 

      10 years ago from Sydney

      I have learnt my place in this short life.

      When you the boss tell me to be quite,

      I am.

      T.Y.G.H

    • singingmommy profile imageAUTHOR

      Candace Green 

      10 years ago from OKLAHOMA

      Thanks a million LdsNana lets get the show on the road. Do you have a bus? :.)

    • LdsNana-AskMormon profile image

      Kathryn Skaggs 

      10 years ago from Southern California

      Wow, singingmommy!

      You should do a stage act with that dialogue! Very funny. Perhaps Leno or Letterman will pick you up. I'm sure it is only time...

      I think you need a Digg.com button on this site! Can I be your manager? Now that would be an act!

      God-bless your PMS

      tDMg

      LdsNana-AskMormon

      P.S. H-Y-S-T-E-R-E-C-T-0-M-Y, so I am told

    • ozepro profile image

      ozepro 

      10 years ago from Australia

      Good article.

      Mebbe, I shouldn't laugh so much!

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