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Ways to get your husband to pay more attention

Updated on July 9, 2014

Unhappily married

Every woman has a dream of finding the perfect partner to have a dream wedding and then a happy and healthy family.

In reality marriage is something that needs to be worked on and being with someone for so long can have disadvantages when it comes to feelings and emotions that often slip into "rut" mode and partners tend to feel neglected or taken for granted.

Children come into our lives, work gets more demanding and bills, bills and more bills keep on adding up.

Running around for kids, cleaning, cooking and trying to take care of yourself is a task all on it's own which gives you very little "me" time and that is how we get stuck into a rut.

For the male partners the pressures of work and the finances can be a little demanding, hours might get longer and bills get bigger as the children get older.

For both the husband and wife, life goes by so quickly and when you blink the children have grown up and you have both gotten older!

Most married couples get into a rut and days or months go by without having spent quality time together.

We find ourselves running around doing life but not actually living it and it could be for financial reasons, working too hard or just getting stuck into daily routine that leaves you with no time for anything else.

Life is happening and even though you re married with kids there is no excuse not to be having fun as a couple too.

Feeling neglected can make you lonely and that is when couples find other things to keep them occupied which usually leads to seperate lives.

Here are a few easy steps to get your husband to pay attention.

Marriage can be a rut with work, life and other stuff
Marriage can be a rut with work, life and other stuff

Get your husband to pay attention

To get someone to pay attention after they have been on a mission of their own; work, dinner, television and sleep can be a challenge but it has to be done in order to live a full life with love, passion and conversation.

Everyone needs to feel loved and for both the husband and the wife, life and other stuff gets in the way.

What you need to do is find a balance and reignite the spark that you once had before you get old and drift apart completely.

Men probably don't realise that you are feeling neglected or lonely and they don't realise that they have not had a conversation or other things for a while.

Life gets busy and for a husband it seems like just the other day that the two of you went, when in fact it was probably a year ago..... for an anniversary that you had to remind him about.

What if there was a way to change his thinking patterns so that you would not have to be the one to remind him about anniversaries?

Who are we kidding..... there are a few select men that would be romantic and have no reminders needed but in general men forget the little things that are important to us.

We want relationships and romance even long after the kids are out of the house and for men as long as there is a television and remote control they can continue on blissfully.

You have probably experienced the weird question, "What do you want to go out for? at least once or twice after you have suggested a night out!

So how do we get our husbands to pay more attention?

Follow these steps and get him to pay more attention!

Marriage can be reinvented
Marriage can be reinvented

Step one - Get yourself alone with him

Nothing romantic can happen with children hanging around listening to your every word so get them to go to a friend for the night.

If you have little ones then get your mom or sister to help you out for the night.

You need to clear the house because the first step is to be alone with your husband and getting him to go out might be too big a step for now.

So the first step is to clear the house of distractions and get the kids to go for a sleepover.

Once they have all gone out then you need to take away the television remote and make the room romantic.

Add candles, music that you both like and order a nice meal to have as a date indoors.

Instead of expecting anything else to happen just start by enjoying a meal together and focus on conversation about things that you both like to talk about.

You might find that conversation could be difficult and half way through your meal you will have nothing to say but find something that you can both talk about. Make it light hearted conversation and avoid talking about bills, kids or work.

Talk about a bucket list and dreams or wishes that you would both like to follow through on and talk as if this is the first time that you are having a dinner.

Once the dinner is over and you have had enough conversation then you can go on and do your own thing. This is just to get him curious as to why you didn't have any expectations.

How do you get your husband to pay attention?

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Step 2 - Get yourself pampered

For him to notice you and pay attention you cannot go around looking like a mom, housekeeper and cook. You need to take a look in the mirror and see what your everyday look is like. Are you taking care of yourself? Do you make the efforts you did when you were younger?

The answer is probably no because when you have gone all out and made an effort he hasn't even noticed.

Well..... you can notice it and when you look good, you will feel good. So go out and get yourself pampered.

Have a facial, get your hair done and reinvent your look.

Take a look at your wardrobe and throw out all the drab things that you quickly throw on to get to school and back.

Underwear and sleepwear should look nice, have a comfy one but get rid of the drab ones. IF you look at it, would you be turned on by what you are wearing?

While you are in the closet, get rid of his old holey socks and underwear too!

After all it works both ways... you have to be attracted to him and he has to be attracted to you.

Once you have had your hair done, put on some makeup and get yourself a fresh new look.

Don't go to the extreme but revamp yourself in order to feel good and confident that everyone around you is paying attention.

Manicure your nails, always wear lipstick and look your best.

Try to think back to the times when you wouldn't go out without your hair and makeup done!

Sure there is often no time for these things but for one month make the effort.

Looking good will make you feel good
Looking good will make you feel good

Step 3 - Date night

For your husband to pay attention you have to do something out of the ordinary. This means that you have to get out of the routine and be spontaneous.

The first step here is to meet him at work or send him an email, text or message to let him know that he needs to meet you at the restaurant that you have booked for.

Give him a time and place and tell him to meet you there. Don't wait for him to ask you questions just let him know and then hang up.

Make sure that you look hot and sexy and it doesn't hurt to let him wait a few minutes either.

Recreate your first date and meet in the same place that you did then.

Once you get there again forget about work etc and talk about little things or speak about when you first met.

While you are there just have fun and forget that you are married! This is a good time to let him know that you are having fun and that you would like to do this a little more often.

When the children leave your home one day it will be just the two of you and you need to have a relationship before that happens or you will lead a very lonely life.

Keep date night a regular thing and make sure that you both commit to it. Even if you can't afford to go, make sure date night happens. Whether it is at home or having a picnic outside....just do it!

Spice up your love life

Spice things up to make him pay attention
Spice things up to make him pay attention

Get him to pay attention

Get him to pay attention by paying more attention to yourself

Be friends and have a fun, light hearted conversation

Get to know what he wants to do and talk about plans that you would like to make

Make a wish list for the bedroom and work your way down the list

Unlock the door to communicate things that you feel uncomfortable talking about

Take the time to spend together away from kids, television and responsibility

Step 4 - Spice up your bedroom

Getting your husband to pay attention is not that easy if there is a television and a couch.

You can get him to notice you and remember that it is about being spontaneous.

Get away from the usual routine and try to have fun more than once a month. How to do this is to try something new, watch a naughty movie together, get something fun to do in the bedroom or find out what his fantasy's are.

Even if some of them are a little crazy, just go with it and this will get him interested in doing more things with you.

You also need to communicate your needs and wants and if you find it difficult to talk about then write it down... like a wish list for the both of you.

Try everything on the list and talk about which ones you liked and which ones don't.

Love especially in a long term relationship should be comfortable and you must be able to unlock that door in order to gain more of a connection.

By talking about things that you don't really talk about, will help you both to move into a different step in your relationship and in no time it will feel like a real romance once again.

Keep it fresh, be spontaneous and do things out of the ordinary.

You can also leave the usual place out of the equation by going on an adventure to try new places to avoid it feeling boring.

Don't lose interest in the physical aspect of your relationship and if you can get away for a "dirty weekend" where you can reconnect and explore each other without interruptions.

Be comfortable in your own skin and forget about what you look like without the clothes because by doing something out of the ordinary, he won't care about what you look like, it is about what you are doing that will make him go crazy.

Step 5 - Communicate as friends

Instead of talking about bills, kids and responsibility, try to talk about fun things and keep your calm.

Show interest in something that he is doing and insist on him doing the same for you.

Get naughty, be irresponsible as lovers and let him know that you miss the relationship and need to start over.

Once you have an understanding and you see that he might be slipping back into routine, remind him that you need to have fun and make him pay attention.

Be best friends and talk openly about what is bothering you without getting into an argument.

Remember that you have both been through so much together and there is so much more to come.

Be friends and share your experiences and thoughts together and do not let it boil up for months before you let him know what you want and what he wants.


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    • Tashaonthetown profile imageAUTHOR

      Natasha Pelati 

      4 years ago from South Africa

      Thats fantastic!! It is so very important to do

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 

      4 years ago

      Quite an interesting topic that you have covered well. My hubby and I keep a date night every week. It is one way to enjoy each other's company and keep the romance in our life.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      4 years ago from The Caribbean

      All very good tips and I think Number 5 is the best. Say what you want; just say it nicely. Voted Up!

    • Tashaonthetown profile imageAUTHOR

      Natasha Pelati 

      4 years ago from South Africa

      hahaha! good idea

      for those that would like to stay married though you have try everything before you walk away....looking good!

    • FlourishAnyway profile image


      4 years ago from USA

      Jerk a knot in that fella's chain and tell him to grow up and be a man. If he won't pay attention to you, there's another man who will. These are good suggestions -- you can look nice while you tell him.


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