- Gender and Relationships
We Called It Quits!
It hurts, but I know it's for the best. At times we
were kindred souls enjoying the same creative outlets, engaging in intellectual
banter, and fighting the same demons. At other times we were warring souls,
fighting a silent war that would end as abruptly as it began. Now the vicious
cycle is finally over and sadly I say, my friend and I have finally parted
We go back to pigtails and coloring contest. I can recall using paste glue bottles as microphones and giggling like the school girls we were as we sang all those songs that had our parents tapping their feet and snapping their fingers while frying fish on Friday. Throughout our youth, new friends gave us cause to push one another to the side, but there was never any animosity. We accepted it as a phase of life. Then tragedy struck in our young adult lives- we lost a dear class member-, and we were brought back together. It was almost as if we never lost touch.
We both enjoyed many of the same things- reading, interior design, cooking-, but our common ground was alcohol. We were alcoholics, escaping the demons of our past and hiding the skeletons in our closet behind bottles and cans. While our consumption was the same, our choices afterwards were quite different. Alcohol induced rest was the only sleep I could get. So for me, alcohol put me into my bed, the liquor put her in anyone's bed. That was the first point of contention for me. Promiscuity for her also meant infidelity creating contention number two. Once the alcohol began to impede her parental judgment, I lost total respect for her. But the fragile friendship persisted like only cracked glass could, with the inevitable result being that it breaks.
I would say something that offended her, and she wouldn't speak to me for months. As we still had a mutual circle of friends, eventually we would come back together. We never mentioned the fallout and seemed to move on. We went through this cycle three or four times, each time more fragile than the last. Each time I had evolved and was more worn by her behavior than the last. Then life became really real. I got back with my wife, and went instantly from single life to motherhood. I wasn't in the club anymore. Though I had sworn off sorority life, I was pledging. Life for me had become very different, but her life was still the same. I snapped. I couldn't listen for another minute to her rant about everyone else as if she wasn't a drunken whore. My words were right, but my delivery wrong. Again, we didn't talk for months after that. But eventually we did.
This time is different though. My words didn't come from a place of anger but purely of love. She started in again on all the people in her life that are doing her so wrong. There was a hated family member's funeral she vowed to not attend. There was another who had to go. So I said fine, send everyone packing, but when are you done are you going to get help. I explained that the reality is that she has a drinking problem that she has been battling for 20 years and suggested she get counseling. She vehemently declined and when we got off the line I got a text message saying she never wanted to hear from me again. I responded, “Be blessed." She sent another text message; but, not up for a war. I responded, "Luv u!"
A dear friend told me, Once you sow a seed, ain't no need of going back harping on that. If you did it in the right spirit then have no worries. She will one day know that, get the help she needs, and thank you for being a true friend". And you know what, for all the years we had been friends, I think my best day as her friend was the last day.
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