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We Called It Quits!

Updated on June 19, 2013

Volume IX

It hurts, but I know it's for the best. At times we
were kindred souls enjoying the same creative outlets, engaging in intellectual
banter, and fighting the same demons. At other times we were warring souls,
fighting a silent war that would end as abruptly as it began. Now the vicious
cycle is finally over and sadly I say, my friend and I have finally parted
ways.

We go back to pigtails and coloring contest. I can recall using paste glue bottles as microphones and giggling like the school girls we were as we sang all those songs that had our parents tapping their feet and snapping their fingers while frying fish on Friday. Throughout our youth, new friends gave us cause to push one another to the side, but there was never any animosity. We accepted it as a phase of life. Then tragedy struck in our young adult lives- we lost a dear class member-, and we were brought back together. It was almost as if we never lost touch.

We both enjoyed many of the same things- reading, interior design, cooking-, but our common ground was alcohol. We were alcoholics, escaping the demons of our past and hiding the skeletons in our closet behind bottles and cans. While our consumption was the same, our choices afterwards were quite different. Alcohol induced rest was the only sleep I could get. So for me, alcohol put me into my bed, the liquor put her in anyone's bed. That was the first point of contention for me. Promiscuity for her also meant infidelity creating contention number two. Once the alcohol began to impede her parental judgment, I lost total respect for her. But the fragile friendship persisted like only cracked glass could, with the inevitable result being that it breaks.

I would say something that offended her, and she wouldn't speak to me for months. As we still had a mutual circle of friends, eventually we would come back together. We never mentioned the fallout and seemed to move on. We went through this cycle three or four times, each time more fragile than the last. Each time I had evolved and was more worn by her behavior than the last. Then life became really real. I got back with my wife, and went instantly from single life to motherhood. I wasn't in the club anymore. Though I had sworn off sorority life, I was pledging. Life for me had become very different, but her life was still the same. I snapped. I couldn't listen for another minute to her rant about everyone else as if she wasn't a drunken whore. My words were right, but my delivery wrong. Again, we didn't talk for months after that. But eventually we did.

This time is different though. My words didn't come from a place of anger but purely of love. She started in again on all the people in her life that are doing her so wrong. There was a hated family member's funeral she vowed to not attend. There was another who had to go. So I said fine, send everyone packing, but when are you done are you going to get help. I explained that the reality is that she has a drinking problem that she has been battling for 20 years and suggested she get counseling. She vehemently declined and when we got off the line I got a text message saying she never wanted to hear from me again. I responded, “Be blessed." She sent another text message; but, not up for a war. I responded, "Luv u!"

A dear friend told me, Once you sow a seed, ain't no need of going back harping on that. If you did it in the right spirit then have no worries. She will one day know that, get the help she needs, and thank you for being a true friend". And you know what, for all the years we had been friends, I think my best day as her friend was the last day.

(Please comment at the bottom of this page!)

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    • AMarie Jackson profile image
      Author

      AMarie Jackson 5 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      Thank you Haley. I haven't always been such a good friend to her. And it sincerely hurt to endd the friendship. But sometimes the hard decision is the best decision.

    • HaleyMCruz profile image

      HaleyMCruz 5 years ago from California

      Wow, what a post! It's inspiring to read such emotional pieces of literature, the ones that are real and those that are fiction. Your piece was real, which made me feel it more than any fiction, and I'm glad you made it out ok. I'm sorry about your friend overall, but you had amazing strength to do what you did. A friend is often not appreciated until they're gone, and I can tell you were a good friend. It's wonderful to meet you here on HubPages, AMarie :)

    • AMarie Jackson profile image
      Author

      AMarie Jackson 5 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      I particularly liked the line "friendship goes way beyond codependency and cosigning". I don't want to be the type of friend who simply says yes to your foolishness, and I don't want you to be that type of friend to me.

    • profile image

      vonda g nelson 5 years ago

      I've always been understanding and patient in pretending not to know even though I knew. Exercising this behavior has on one hand allowed me to perfect a type of tolerance many don't have and on the other hand didn't allow me to exercise a side of me I knew was lethal. But at the end of the day none of the above is acceptable because if the individual doesn't respect who you naturally are in their life they will find out sooner than later who you are capable of being...period. I don't understand why the only way someone chooses to have "respect" is when you let them have it! It's a sad day in worldville when you have to put your foot down on someone you would have never thought you would have to. But this is a wake up call to let you know it's time to move on as well as you shouldn't have to demand or ask for respect from anyone. Friendship goes way beyond codependency and cosigning. There are those who will respect (love) you without fighting or asking for it. Friendship is no joke....no really!

    • AMarie Jackson profile image
      Author

      AMarie Jackson 5 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      As I teacher, I tell my students that all the time- especially the young ladies. What you do now, you may change, but people will still remember.

    • Bridgett Pinkney profile image

      Bridgett Pinkney 5 years ago

      I understand. Often people don't realize that your friend can bring you down. Her lifestyle had people thinking that I was doing the same things that she does because birds of a feather flock together. I fought many battles for her that she didn't know about. People would say "you know your girl a hoe right" or "Hey I heard so and so about your girl" you down... hell to the no was always my response. Later in life she has now learned that people talk, even in her family. She has to remind people, I'm not a hoe anymore. I saw the hurt in her eyes behind the smile when she hears someone say something about her past. She thought it was all done in the dark. We are not as close as we used to be, but I still love her the same. She has learned a lesson, but at what expense? Her reputation is forever blemished by the careless years, where she was just exploring her life and sexuality.

    • AMarie Jackson profile image
      Author

      AMarie Jackson 5 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      "I loved her so much that I could not sit back and watch her hurt herself anymore."- That encompasses my emotion. It was killing me to listen and watch and say nothing. I will keep her in my prayers and heart but not in my life.

    • Bridgett Pinkney profile image

      Bridgett Pinkney 5 years ago

      It has been said that the ones you love the most hurt you the most... whether intentionally or not. I can say that I understand how you feel. I loved her so much that I could not sit back and watch her hurt herself anymore. She accused me of being jealous of her and wanting to see her alone for the rest of her life. Her demon is not alcohol but sex; searching for a love in several men that only want her sex. I loved her so much that I constantly pray for her. I lay prostrate before my God asking for her deliverance, protection and true unconditional love.

    • profile image

      ALLSMILEZZWOODS 5 years ago

      It was Grrr8! Good job, that's closure

    • AMarie Jackson profile image
      Author

      AMarie Jackson 5 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      Thank you for your encouragement. As I put this in the global atmosphere, I hoped that my immense love for her was revealed in my words.

    • profile image

      ALLSMILEZZWOODS 5 years ago

      This was absolutely wonderful...(tears) You're a good friend an this was your season to sow, U WIL REAP what has been sown! ILY