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What Do You Do When You Find Out YOUR Guy is Gay?
A few days ago, one of my best friends found out that her spouse of nine years was gay. She called me up late one evening to tell me the bad news. She was heartbroken, sobbing and asking why, why? Why didn't I see this coming, what steps could I have taken to find out my spouse was cheating?? I didn’t know what to say, I comforted her and told her that there was nothing she could have done to prevent this situation. It isn’t the same as if she had been in a relationship and he had been cheating on her with another woman, then I could of probed her to find out what had happened between them over time for him to turn to another woman (emotional needs not being met?).
What does a man or woman do when their spouse, boyfriend, partner falls in love with someone of the same sex? I find that when it involves the opposite sex, you can find out the why eventually and work on that situation so that it never happens again!
We go through so many sleepless nights wondering about why this happened? When did this start? Was this always so, with whom and was I leaving in a relationship full of lies. My friend went through it all. She was lucky in that her spouse sat down with her and told her that he had only realized it a few months ago that he was attracted to a co-worker. He didn’t understand it himself, he had never had thoughts or feelings related to his present state of mind. It just happened, something clicked between them and that was that. He wanted to leave her, yes; arrangements would be made for the kids and so forth.
My friend was shocked, she didn’t want to fight back or stir up any trouble, after all, she couldn’t compete with another guy, and she didn’t have the anatomy to do so! When she asked him why, why was he attracted so much to this man, he couldn’t answer her, all he said was that they connected on a soul level and that he had found his soul mate.
Now, I believe in connecting with people on a soul level, no matter what the sex of that person is. I have felt the same with people of the same sex, sometimes so strong that it makes you wonder, what if? Does anyone have anything to add to this or clarify? I would love to hear from men or women who have gone through the same situation.
© 2010 K D Martel