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Just My Luck...His Mother Doesn't Like Me

Updated on June 11, 2012

A turn of recent events has my mind churning. So, I've decided to have an open dialog with my fellow hubbers and friends on an issue that effects relationships, courtships, and marriages everywhere. We know that most men love their mamas dearly but what happens when the mother isn't dearly loving her son's girlfriend, fiancé, or wife? Just how much does a mother’s approval matter?

I was having a conversation with a gentleman recently who seemed convinced that he could not move forward with a woman unless he had the approval of his mother. I, like many other women find it very appealing when a man loves and cares for his mother. However it would bother me if the fate of my relationship was dependant on the opinion of her. Don't get me wrong, mothers can be very intuitive and insightful but what happens when they're cunning and selfish? While there are many mothers who have a healthy love for their sons and respect their relationships, there are also those women who feel as if they should have the privilege of hand picking a spouse for their sons themselves. Then, there are those mamas that every woman dreads, the one who is determined to run away any and every woman who tries to get close to her baby boy. And believe me…many have been successful at doing so. What saddens me is that their resistance to cut the cord, and the man’s inability to emotionally leave the nest, is often detrimental to his love life. Mama’s boys are cute when their your boys but they can be a handful for suitable women to deal with. For that reason…some of them end up alone. Honestly speaking, how many women do you know that are willing to put up with their mother in law being a ventriloquist to their husband or man? Not many…if any at all. In fact, any woman who puts up with this type of foolery deserves whatever negative consequence birthed out of the mess she helped create.

After a man is married and has a family, mama can still be in the forefront but his wife and family ought to be his top priority. In reality, it is just plain disrespectful for a man to give his mother the #1 preferential spot in his life when he is married. While dating is different because it is less serious, the man he is during the courtship period is a snapshot of who he'll be in the long run. If he allows his mom to run his household, consults her before making every major decision, and refuses to address her interfering in his love life, he is likely to drag this same madness and mayhem into a marriage. Sisters, fellow hubbers, and friends... if you encounter anything like this, you may as well run for the hills. A man who allows this sort of interference is indicating that he doesn’t take marriage vows seriously. I believe there's a vow conveniently located somewhere near the “I Do” but before the seal the deal wedding kiss that states: Therefore,a man should leave his father and his mother and should cleave to his wife. Genesis 2:24

The bottom line is, it is great when a man has a loving relationship with his mother (in fact most women would prefer that) but there has to be a balance. His wife should NEVER feel as if she comes in 2nd place. So ladies, if his mother isn't liking you for justifiable reasons like your being disrespectful, cheating, or gold digging then you have some decisions to make. Just how important is it that your spouse's mom like you? If it's at the top of your priority list, you may want to reevaluate your man's suitability. Perhaps you just need to communicate your feelings to him and see if he respects you enough to address your problems with his mother. If he blows you off or attempts to rationalize her unwelcoming behavior toward you, it might be best you keep it moving. Now, if he respects your feelings and tries to do something about your discomfort, he's a keeper. That said, I'll pose this question again for you to ponder... Just how important is it that his mother likes you???


How Important Is Your Mom's Approval?

Would you continue to date someone even if your mother didn't approve of them?

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    • profile image

      Aimee 5 years ago

      Oh wow! I just got out of a relationship like that! I baked for them, spoke to them, painted the mom's toe nails (GROSS), always spent time there, I gave them pet fish when they said they wanted some, I baby sat for them and in return all I got was abused, I was called vindictive, selfish, malicious, and thoughtless why? Because I let the little brother choose what easter eggs i bought for him. That woman broke me down until I was an emotional wreck having an emotional breakdown-and all the guy did was go "my mom didn't interfer she just wanted to know how you were that's why she read the skype messages we sent each other when I went to the bathroom, you need to change how sensitive you are to these things". Oh and he lied to me constantly so that when his mom made him change plans (drop me) so I wouldn't be mad at his mom. It got to the point where I was so broken down adn emotionally abused by this woman that, my family stepped in, I got called a f**king b!*ch who should rot in hell. My ex then said, "my mom hates you, and if she hates you then I can not be with you, but I really do love you!" Needless to say I looked at him and ended it with "I refuse to change who I am" Sometimes mothers are crazy, and it's sad but I feel more sorry for my ex, this is his third relationship to end exactly like this.

    • Winsome profile image

      Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

      Hi E, I enjoyed your comments as much as the article. I like Elizabeth Bennet's response to Mr. Darcy's powerful aunt--she held her ground in the face of seeming utter disapproval and won the curmudgeon's respect.

      Stay strong ladies, call the mother's bluff. =:)

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      "I was having a conversation with a gentleman recently who seemed convinced that he could not move forward with a woman unless he had the approval of his mother."

      Run! Run as fast as you can! Only a very immature man would ever say something like that, and, if you get involved, you will always compare unfavorably to his sainted mama.

    • Shri Mc profile image

      Shri Mc 6 years ago

      My thoughts exactly-not married to her, therefore have no obligation.

      He wanted me to keep the peace but I can't imagine treating my future mother in law that way. Yes I will be supportive of him from afar, thanks

    • Ellana317 profile image
      Author

      Ellana317 6 years ago from Indianapolis, IN

      Wow... that is an interesting situation. The first thing I would say is please understand that you are not married to her, therefore have no obligation to be in any way submissive to her. The next time she gets out of line with you, you need to check her in the politest way possible. If I were you I might make mention of it to the son and see how he responds. If he gets extremely defensive about it, I'd leave it alone and kind of love them from a distance but if he is open to discussing it with her then he'll take it from there. Although he is your son and you love him, as a mother he needs your support, love, and encouragement more than anything. So... if you need to talk with her about how she treats you...do that but it's his place to talk to her about how she treats him. Trust and believe, if he's more of a dominant man he'll eventually put his foot down.

    • Shri Mc profile image

      Shri Mc 6 years ago

      Wow-just had a simular experience with my son and his new wife. He just came back from Iraq but she wanted him to marry her before he went for the first time. I only asked him to wait and see if she still felt that way after he came back. He did wait and soon as he got back they married.

      I was overjoyed by this cause I thought it was a sign that she would wait on him not matter what and be comfort to him when he returned. not sure what I see going on right now but she makes him look like her kid around the house which is a big switch of his personality for me.

      The one month I spent with them was more than I could handle cause she wanted me to be in that submisive childlike place too. What should I do besides never visit them again? My son contacts me by phone.

    • Ellana317 profile image
      Author

      Ellana317 6 years ago from Indianapolis, IN

      Thanks Angela... I'll have to check yours out as well. :-)

    • Angela Brummer profile image

      Angela Brummer 6 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      I also wrote and article about this subject. This was a great article!

    • Ellana317 profile image
      Author

      Ellana317 6 years ago from Indianapolis, IN

      LOL... I could understand that. Hopefully we'll get husbands whose mothers love us just as much as they do. :-)

    • katyzzz profile image

      katyzzz 6 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      That's not the reason but it certainly did not help

    • Ellana317 profile image
      Author

      Ellana317 6 years ago from Indianapolis, IN

      Katyzzzz~ How did that work out? Are you guys not together now as a result of this?

    • katyzzz profile image

      katyzzz 6 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      She didn't like me and I didn't like her, nor did her son, but he was still bendable by her, unfortunately

    • Ellana317 profile image
      Author

      Ellana317 6 years ago from Indianapolis, IN

      LOL... So true Juanna. I don't think it's anything wrong with a man being close to his mother as long as he knows how to prioritize.

    • profile image

      Juanna 6 years ago

      Oh boy. Men with clingy mothers are too much to deal with. If he can't stand up for his wife and marriage then that's a big problem. I agree very much that mom should not come before wife

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