- Gender and Relationships
What Incites Great Love in Men?
Nietzsche on the Source of Great Love
“When does the sudden passion of a man for a woman arise? Least of all from sensuality only, but when a man finds weakness, need for help and high spirits, all united in the same creature he suffers a sort of overflowing of soul and is touched and offended at the same moment. At this point arises the source of great love.” – Nietzsche
So said the great thinker who said that men should be supermen, joyous and invincible like the gods themselves… because he alleged that god is dead. But in the end Nietzsche committed suicide. Where was his invincibility? Did he really understand the true source of love?
Twenty nine year old Apurva Giri believes that what Nietzsche said is true. His own affections are wildly aroused for women who seem in need of some sort of help, and yet are courageous and cheerful.
But according to 78 year old Gordon Hindley, what Nietzsche says is nonsense.
“Women were terribly alive in Europe – ever since the times of Jane Austen. I think that when a man sees a weak woman he feels superior and thus glories in himself. When he sees a bubbly woman he sees a reciprocity of his own sexual urges. There is in between these two extremes the timidity of a woman and the strength of a man, but the timidity is only superficial. We must consider the woman’s reaction to her environment which accounts for her timidity and her natural strength which is revealed in her caring motherhood, capacity for good friendships and great companionship.”
Do Weak Women Incite Love?
Let us also consider what Lekha D, 30, a highly successful career woman has to say on this complex subject: “What is weakness? My lover tells me that he adores me because I have faced my misfortunes with great courage and have them handled them all by myself, being quite relative-less in the world. Sure, I may have this ‘weakness’ which really translates into a feeling of insecurity since I must fight my battles myself, and not depend on a lover or a father. But I know I can do it and this is what he loves about me...even when in need of help, I can overcome.”
“I don’t really know what is meant by ‘weakness’,” says Rima, 29. “Does it mean that I give myself totally to the man I love? Although I am pretty powerful in my career, I am totally submissive to him when we’re in bed. Is it weak to weep at times? I do that. Is it weak to follow my impulse and go to another city to meet a lover? Are you stronger when you wait for him to come to you? But there must be no ego involved in love. One must give all, without holding back, and yet one must be able to detach oneself when and if it’s over.”
Gender Equality as the Basis For Great Love
In his book ‘About Love’, Robert Solomon insists that equality is the basis of great love. When lovers are in the same career, there is bound to be competition. He points out, when a woman feels like a failure in her professional life, this feeling will seep into her love life too.
Neitzsche was surely confused. When he spoke of supermen, he believed that they could only love damsels in distress. It’s what made them feel like gods.
Relationship Expert, Dr. D Ivan Young, Finding your soul mate...Finding Real Love
© 2014 Anita Saran