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The 6 Elements of A Friendship On Fire?

Updated on June 2, 2013
A friendship on fire laughs and cries and ends every glance with "I like you."
A friendship on fire laughs and cries and ends every glance with "I like you."

A friendship on fire is like the arm of the heart within a relationship. It's more than loving someone unconditionally; it's actually liking that person too, also unconditionally. "The Arm" is my acronym for trust, hope, empathy, admiration, respect and mutuality.

A friendship on fire doesn't need language because it manages on a glimpse, a smile, holding hands--actions. The basis is an unspoken understanding. An acceptance. It can redefine "relationship" from the beginning.

Maybe you went on a date with someone and he lifted up your hair while you were pulling your coat on. Maybe you went to her house for dinner at midnight. Maybe he let you drive his new car around the block.

Liking someone is part of the backbone of love. After all, how can you love a person if you first don't like that person?

As you go through life, you learn the value of trust in relationships.
As you go through life, you learn the value of trust in relationships.

1. The Flame of Trust

Without trust in a relationship, there is nothing. Isn't it great to know you can call that one person anytime with a problem, and you know that person will actually listen? It could be three in the morning and that person is ready to walk out the door, if necessary, just to help you. A person who is trustworthy is not on every corner, so value this trait when you find it.

Hope fills the heart.  It's a lit candle.
Hope fills the heart. It's a lit candle.

2. The Flame of Hope

What a kind act it is to lift up the hopes of your friend; to raise up encouragement for your friend's goals. Your friend might have a car problem, a major final exam coming up, a loss in the family, and it's great when you stop your life's traffic to stop and listen, especially if you get a phone call and he or she is on the other end just hoping you answer and you have time to listen.

Think of the things you hope for in your relationships. Your friends or the people you work with, when they travel, you might hope for their safe travels. You care about the well being of others, so you always hope everything's just fine for them.

Don't overly hope for too much or you might be setting yourself up for a disappointment. Sometimes, it's better to have low expectations so you might actually be welcoming a surprise.

You want to say something, but don't know what to say.  You want to do something, but don't know what to do.  Just being there is all that matters.
You want to say something, but don't know what to say. You want to do something, but don't know what to do. Just being there is all that matters.

3. The Flame of Empathy

It's one thing to lose a loved one, and another when you witness a friend losing a loved one. And, when you both share that experience together, through empathy comes support and comfort. If your friend loses a job, be there. If your friend has to move, be there. Having compassion is not natural for everyone because we are all made differently. Just know that being there for your friend is simply the right thing to do and when your friend cries, reach out your hand or offer your shoulder.

Throughout our lives, there are many, many things that cause us to look up.  There are also qualities in people that cause us to look up, but to look up at them out of admiration.
Throughout our lives, there are many, many things that cause us to look up. There are also qualities in people that cause us to look up, but to look up at them out of admiration.

4. The Flame of Admiration

When you admire your friend, you look up to that person for all kinds of things--most importantly, advice. You might ask for a lift to the office when your car is in the shop. You might ask for help in solving a problem, and a problem you know you can confide in your friend because of that element of trust.

You watch your friend achieve goals and successes and admire all the efforts put into the reaching, the determination of stretching to make things happen. That's a positive influence that works in both directions.

5. The Flame of Respect

Respect space. Respect individuality and desires. Don't be critical. Respect your elders. Respect your family members. Respect your friends. Respect your relationships.

Mutual respect is more than liking the same brand of wine. It's like a 5-star hotel with room to make allowances. Be kind and gentle always with your choice of language when you're talking to that special person in your life, the who you say is your best friend. Civility is an element of respect.

6. The Flame of Mutuality

A long lasting relationship will not succeed without all of the above and importantly, mutuality, and you actually need to like each other. If you think about all your personal friendships, then you can see you placed value on the longlasting ones because you had a lot of interests, goals, and traits in common. And, if the relationship ends, do you ask yourself what was missing from him, from her, or yourself?

You might like the same cars, but that isn't enough to build upon. You might like the same kind of shopping venues, but it's not enough. It's all the words that go unspoken and all the actions that don't need words. It's an unconditional storybook filled with your chapters of experiences built on a foundation that nobody can taint.

Do you have a friendship on fire?

Ah, the arm of the heart.
Ah, the arm of the heart.

Comments

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  • ytsenoh profile image
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    Cathy 3 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    Romeos, thank you very much for your kind comment. Have an awesome week!

  • Romeos Quill profile image

    Romeos Quill 3 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

    Beautiful Hub. Thank you, and sharing.

    Yours Sincerely,

    R.Q.

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 4 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    Carly, thanks very much for the read and your thoughtful comment. Hope you're having a great day thus far.

  • CarlySullens profile image

    CarlySullens 4 years ago from St. Louis, Missouri

    This is such an important read for those entering in new relationships and may be confused by the hush of attraction and misunderstand it as intimacy. Your hub lays out the foundations to have real intimacy where attraction can also be apart of.

  • kenneth avery profile image

    Kenneth Avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

    ytsenoh,

    you are much-appreciated and welcome. Wish I could vote on YOUR comments. They too are very good.

    Kenneth

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 4 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    Kenneth and Johnwick, thanks very much for stopping by and leaving thoughtful comments. Have some awesome in your day!

  • kenneth avery profile image

    Kenneth Avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

    Hi, ytsenoh,

    Great piece of inspiration here. Very helpful to me for I have a female best friend that I have known since 1966, and yes, we had real concrete floors then. And this hub really speaks to me about my BEST friend. Voted up and all the way.

    Kenneth

  • johnwick profile image

    johnwick 4 years ago from Eastbourne

    What a lovely description of friendship without making it sounds tacky or over exagerated. I really appreciate this hub and I have sent throught to all my friends. Just sto show how much I appreciate them.

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 4 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    Suzette, thanks much for you comment. Life experience essentially dictates our thoughts and views on meaningful subjects relative to living. Have a great weekend!

  • suzettenaples profile image

    Suzette Walker suzettetaos 4 years ago from Taos, NM

    Oh yes! What a delightful article to read. You give some great advice and tips. I agree with all of this. You must certainly have one to write so authoritatively on this - lol. Enjoy!

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 4 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    Vincent, I am very grateful for your comment. There are many forms of love. I always refer to the love a parent has for a child as true love. I also agree with what you say and I think sometimes people fall in love with love, so they think that's the real thing. This is how we learn though. Thanks so much for the read! Have a pleasant weekend.

  • profile image

    Vincent Moore 4 years ago

    You caused the flame to rise a little higher for me. I to am convinced without being REAL friends first there is no hope of LOVING and staying loyal and trustworthy in a LOVING relationship. I have seen to many people fail in their marriages because they were never friends to start with.

    Instead they married each other after feeling LUSTFUL for each other and placed that before friendship first. Thus the marriage break down. There is a lot of truth to the statement, if she/he is your best friend then they should make great life partners. Voted up and all buttons pressed but funny...

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 4 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    ahorseback, thanks a ton for stopping in. Trust, respect, which are essentially the elements of friendship, cannot go unseen. I feel there cannot be any long term relationship without that fiery friendship. Have a safe holiday weekend.

  • ahorseback profile image

    ahorseback 4 years ago

    Awesome !.... Love , friendship respect . Always seems like one or another ingredient might be misplaced or misused, I too often shake my head at the obvious signs that might show themselves to others and yet elude the best of us ! Simple respect alone will work wonders ! This hub should be number one on hubs!....:-}

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 4 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    Dana, thanks for the read. I am very grateful for your comment.

    Christy, I am so appreciative of your comment. Thanks much.

    Hope you both have great weekends!

  • DanaTeresa profile image

    Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

    This is s beautiful hub. Very insightful. You describe true friendship beautifully.

    I am lucky enough to have a few true friendships that embody much of what you describe. "On fire" fits one of them perfectly. He has been a great source of support and strength, And I try to be there for him too. I swear I can feel his feelings as if they are my own. One day he very simply said "thank you for everything" and I knew that my friendship was important to him. I hope everyone has a friendship on fire at least once in their life. There is nothing quite like it.

  • ChristyWrites profile image

    Christy Birmingham 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

    Such a well-worded hub! You are quite right that you have to like someone before you can love them. I really am impressed by the quality of your writing, thank-you for bringing in this to the community.

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 4 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    Mekenzie, I am grateful for your kind words. Truly. Have a great week!

  • Mekenzie profile image

    Susan Ream 4 years ago from Michigan

    Oh my goodness .. I love your words .. they paint pictures. I found you answering a question, by AEvans, and was drawn to your word usage there.

    Friendship on Fire is magnificent! Voted Up and Awesome!

    Mekenzie

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 5 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    express10 and faithreaper, thanks very much for stopping by and the read, and your thoughtful and kind comments. It's very appreciated. Hope you're both having a good week so far!

  • Express10 profile image

    H C Palting 5 years ago from East Coast

    These are great facets of a relationship to keep in mind. Awesome hub.

  • Faith Reaper profile image

    Faith Reaper 5 years ago from southern USA

    Great writing. It does take all of those you have stated here in a reltionship for sure. Awesome hub. Faith Reaper

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 5 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    Writer20, thanks much for your kind comment. Have a fabulous weekend!

  • writer20 profile image

    Joyce Haragsim 5 years ago from Southern Nevada

    This is all so very true and a great hub. If only we all thought like you have written the world might be a happy place.

    Voted up and awesome.

    It's good to meet you and I'll be following you to read more great writing, Joyce.

  • Rosemay50 profile image

    Rosemary Sadler 5 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

    What an awesome hub. You have included every aspect of friendship which is so important for a good relationship.

    Great hub, voting up

    Enjoy your weekend

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 5 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    Felina, thanks for the follow and your kind comment.

  • Felina Margetty profile image

    Felina Margetty 5 years ago from New York, New York

    The flames mentioned are but few with such a broad subject. You have touched on the important ones in a meaningful way. Thank you F.

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 5 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    tillson, thanks for your comment! Hope your week is amazing.

  • tillsontitan profile image

    Mary Craig 5 years ago from New York

    You have beautifully listed and explained all the elements it takes to not only be a good friend or lover but a good person. "The Arm" is certainly something to live by! Wouldn't it be great if it was a code for all? Voted up, interesting and useful. Thanks for SHARING.

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 5 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    Thanks for the read, Victoria. I believe a lot of the elements also determine whether a long lasting relationship is possible. I think I'm better off dating a stuffed animal right now.

  • Victoria Lynn profile image

    Victoria Lynn 5 years ago from Arkansas, USA

    So true, so true. And it makes me think about the friends I do have and where they fit. Well-written hub. Nice to read! voted up and awesome!

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 5 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    Cleaner3, thanks so much for your kind words. Have a great weekend.

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 5 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    Lady E, thanks very much for your kind comment. Have a great day.

  • cleaner3 profile image

    cleaner3 5 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

    Your writing contains words that if everyone could express it would be a wonderful world. very nice. Excellent piece of writing.

  • Lady_E profile image

    Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

    This is so beautiful to read.

    I totally enjoyed reading the different flames.

    Cheers.

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 5 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    mck, thanks very much for your comment. It is much appreciated.

  • mckbirdbks profile image

    mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

    You have packed a great deal of wisdom into this article.

  • ytsenoh profile image
    Author

    Cathy 5 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

    Tams, thanks very much for stopping by, and your comment. Have a great weekend.

  • Tams R profile image

    Tams R 5 years ago from Missouri

    Too many people rush into things and forget to stop and value what is important. Often they overlook the basics of love and friendship.

    What an awesome way to portray the varying levels of a relationship whether it be friends or something more.

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