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The Underlying Reasons Why Some Women NEED Male Approval In Order To Feel Validated!

Updated on December 25, 2012
gmwilliams profile image

Grace loves to write commentaries on psycho-cultural and sociocultural dynamics in their myriad forms.



This hub is in response to the request Why do women use men to validate themselves? Women in postmodern society are independent and intelligent persons in their own right. The socioeconomic, educational, and social status of women in postindustrial societies, particularly in the United States, Canada, Western Europe, and Australia are the envy of women in the developing countries. Women are enjoying unprecedented social, economic, and sexual freedoms.

Women longer are pressured to enter into marriage and/or relationships. They are free to lead independent lives. No longer are single women demonized as abherrent and weird if they choose to remain single and/or without relationships. Even married women no longer subjugate to their husbands' "authority" and/or "prerogatives".

The postmodern married woman is unlike her mother and grandmother. She is often marrying much later after much life experimentation and establishing her career. Unlike particularly her grandmother, the postmodern married woman is definitely a woman of the world and not a blushing bride. She has her own interests and is not an appendage of her husband. She is quite fortright regarding her wants, desires, needs, and opinions.

This postmodern married woman unlike her distant precedessors has a career. So she has her own income and does not have to depend upon her husband for socioeconomic subsistence. As a result of having her own independent income, she is an equal power player in her marriage.

Women today have high powered positions which only four decades ago were held by men. The postmodern women is definitely in the driver's seat so to speak. Many women are psychosocially stronger today than ever. These women demand respect and will never suffer fools gladly.

These women do not view men as the be and end all to relationships. They are quite content in their own persona. They have their careers, friends, and hobbies. They have so much to fulfill them that relationships are just desserts. If such women enter relationships, it is because they wish to share their lives with a particular other and/or others. If they enter into relationship, it is because they have to impart and to share, not because she needs to be with a man.

Even though the average postmodern woman is fierce and highly independent, there are still some women who need men in order to validate their being. They strongly contend that men are superior to them. It is their assertion that because men are superior, whatever the man says is equivalent to an imprimatur.

There are women who subvert their identities to please their boyfriends, significant others, and/or husbands. They feel that as women, they are somewhat inconsequential so their opinions and wants mean absolutely nothing at all. They believe that the man should have the uppermost hand in the relationship because this was somehow preordained.

Many women have been inculcated with the nice girl premise that nice girls are well-behaved, are not assertive, and know her place. In addition to that, they have been thoroughly indoctrinated with the premise that nice girls are neither vocal nor assertive enough regarding meeting her individual needs, wants, and/or desires. It is expected that "someone else", preferably "someone else stronger and more authoritative" will see that her needs, wants, and/or desires get met.

The nice girl premise is that one must learn to subvert one's desires, defer to others, and to be a pleaser. Those who subscribe to this premise are further taught that they personally are of no consequence and that others, particularly men, are more important than they are. The main theme in the life of the nice girl is total and utter submission to the powers that be!

In many families, even in this postmodern age, girls and women who are deemed to be "nice girls" are viewed to be easy, nonthreatening, and controllable. Many parents often brag that such daughters caused them "no trouble at all". Such daughters were taught to be unquestioningly obedient, particularly to male authority, and to always be pleasing to others.

Conversely, many girls and women in such families are taught that the worst thing a woman could be is assertive. To many families, an assertive girl and/or woman is considered to be unattractive in addition to being unfeminine. Such girls and/or women are thoroughly programmed that in order to be attractive to men, they must appear to be "less".

This means that these girls and/or women have to disguise, trivialize, and/or underplay their talents, intelligence, likes, and dislikes in order to have opinions, ideas, and likes which are more congruent to the males in their lives. If the girl and/or woman continues to be assertive and strong-willed, she will be admonished that if she continues with this personality, either "she would be unable to keep a boy/man" or that "no boy/man would want her".

The knowing and stronger girls and/or women of such families will disregard such atavistic teachings of their family members. These girls and/or women are often be stigmatized and/or ostracized by their family members. Such girls and/or women will be viewed as "hardheaded", "rebellious", "stubborn", and/or "difficult."

Such girls and/or women are often misunderstood by their respective family members and/or significant others. Frankly, THEY really DO NOT CARE about this whatsoever! These girls and/or women know exactly who they are, refusing to cave in and letting consequences be damned to the multillionth power!

The weaker of these girls and/or women will cave in to familial pressure because they want to conform to their respective family construct regarding the purported subordinate female status. It is these girls' and/or women's reasoning that they have no choice but to submit to the dictates and opinions of men if they want to be considered to be worthwhile girls and/or women.

Even young girls still receive subliminal messages that they are of no consequence without male input. During the period of adolescence, many girls are inordinately dependent upon the approval of boys. Such girls believe in what the boys in their lives say about them as equivalent to canonical doctrine. For example, a teenage girl may have a friend tell her that she is beautiful; however, if the boy tells the same teenage girl that she is grossly unattrative, the teenage girl will oftentimes consider what the boy said to be valid than that of her friend.

Yes, even some of the most modern women subconsciously believe that what a men says often carries more weight than what a fellow women says. It is very sad that some women still do not consider themselves to be whole, significant, and valuable persons of themselves. They seem to believe that the only and/or most significant validation comes from a man. They seem to crave this male approval as if their very lives depend upon it! Women must learn to value and treat themselves as significant if they expect more respect and to progress forward as people.

In summation, women have made great strides in their economic, educational, and social lives. No longer are women defined solely by relationships. They are persons in their own right. However, there are some women who believe that they are inconsequential compared to men. They subconsiously believe that men have more power and authority than they do and whatever the latter says has preeminence over what they say, think, and/or believe.

Many of these women believe that they have no discernible power of their own. Or perhaps, they were inculcated from girlhood that it is quite inappropriate for women to express their assertiveness and power. Some were brainwashed into the premise of being the nice girl, no being vocal about who she ACTUALLY is and being dependent upon the approval of authoritative figures, especially if these figures are men.

As a result, many of such women give their power away to men, indicating that male approval of them is more important than their self-approval. In order for women to be fully human, they must learn that they are significant, in and of themselves. They are the powers that be and that is all what is important.


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    • profile image


      18 months ago

      speaking as a former classic liberal , I was raised by a well educated mom to cook and take care of myself, not expecting females to be my servant . nether have I EVER acted as though women owed me anything and neither have i supported the machismo ego/bravado crap that players put on guys as peer pressure to exploit women.

      I've fully support women's rights (as in HUMAN rights) to choose their own paths in society-whether that be in traditional roles OR careers of whatever occupation they are willing (as individuals, NOT as a group) to prove themselves equally competent as men in WITHOUT "special" standards (hiring/promotion quotas) which discriminate against men (straight white males ALWAYS), based on group identity victimhood hierarchies.

      this said, women "don't owe me" friendship,let alone sex, no matter how considerate nor "nice" I am , just as I don't owe women my taxable earnings/wealth transfer for all the gynocentric governmental interventionism which has existed for the last two generations in every western democracy.

      feminists expect successful men to step aside in their OWN industries which these men CREATED -at the risk of big brother punitive legislation for not "hiring based on demographic representation" in lieu of actual SKILLS?

      so what's next? crowds of women marching down suburban streets breaking into and occupying every home which is owned by single men?

      I say to feminists " create your OWN damn companies and COMPETE against all male companies-IF you CAN without government largess!"

      my days of accommodation and helpfulness to female coworkers is now over . in fact i'm in seeking a new movement to do men's boycotting and class action litigation against this 3rd wave feminist inspired anti male discrimination hypocrisy which is rife in corporate and public civil sectors.

      so as feminists seek dictatorship (which neo Marxists all do) coercing men to just handing women unearned the keys for everything which men created ,the arrogance at presuming knowledge and wisdom to run and maintain the entire global structure will eventually backfire beyond what leftist media can conceal,with graphic results just as jarring as in combative women's sports where trans / former males are allowed to compete.

    • gmwilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Grace Marguerite Williams 

      4 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you for stopping by and for your commentary. You are indeed welcome.

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      gmwilliams, I think you are exactly right, sometimes the families we grew up in did not validate us as a young girl and then as a woman we carry on what we heard, and the behavior we observed by our parents. I watched my mother be very submissive to a verbally abusive husband and I was very afraid of my father and to this day I still am. I have found out a lot about my childhood and I am learning to deal with the hand I was dealt, but it hasn't been easy. It takes a lot of work building self worth and not feeling I need a man to validate me. I have been in relationships for the validation but I think it really has to do with my father and my low self worth, but with the help of a good counselor and good reading material I have come a long way, but I still have a long way to go, it's day by day. Thank you for your article, I know it will shed light to a lot of other women. Barbara

    • gmwilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Grace Marguerite Williams 

      7 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Lisa, Thank you for your response. It is greatly appreiciated.

    • lisasuniquevoice profile image

      Lisa Brown 

      7 years ago from Michigan


      Your hub is right on target. I hope more women will raise their girls to know what they are worth, and that's everything.They're worth everything. I wish I would have be raised in a non-sexist world. I wish that when I was growing up someone would have said to me that women are as powerful and as great as men.


    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 

      7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      How sexist...

    • gmwilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Grace Marguerite Williams 

      8 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Kate, you are quite welcome indeed!

    • Kate Mc Bride profile image

      Kate McBride 

      8 years ago from Donegal Ireland

      This is a very insightful hub about women and the roles they play and I really enjoyed reading it. Voted it up and interesting. Thanks for sharing it.


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