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What Kind of Man Does Not Send His Wife a Valentine’s Card?

Updated on February 6, 2013

Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is almost upon us once again, and all over the world, men and women are busy trying to come up with ways of pleasing their significant other.

Men are trying to find that perfect card which sums up just how they feel about their loved one and are striving to find a way that will make their loved one feel special.

What about the man who does not send a card?

However, what about the man that does not send his wife a card on Valentine’s Day, does this mean that he is not romantic and that he does not care about his wife?

Does he not buy a card because he is too mean, thoughtless or just cannot be bothered? Is he is just lazy or too selfish to think about someone other than himself?

Well it could be because of any one of these reasons or even all them.

However, just because he does not buy cards on Valentine's Day does not necessarily mean that he is mean, thoughtless, selfish or just plain lazy or that any of the reasons above apply to him.

It certainly does not necessarily mean even that he is not romantic, and neither does it mean that he does not love his wife enough to put himself out.


What possible reason could there be?

What possible reason could there be for a loving husband, boyfriend or partner, not buying or sending a Valentine card to their loved one?

Well one reason that springs to mind right away could be that he does not buy into all the Hallmark type hype surrounding Valentine’s Day.

It seems that almost every event in life from cradle to grave and almost every relationship now, all have a special day and card attached to it.

When I was a child over sixty years ago, there was only a hand full of events that were marked by a special card.

Nowadays however, there is barely a day goes by when something or other is being celebrated where people are sending virtual and real cards speeding to their recipients.

Cards, cards and more cards

There are now so many cards commemorating so many things that they have almost lost their meaning and value.

Each year the price of these cards seems to go up, which of course makes the card makers lots of money and also very happy.

Why wouldn’t the Card manufactures be happy, when a card that takes only pennies to make, retails in multiples of £ pounds, $ dollars € euros not pennies and cents?

Printing cards is almost like printing your own money and manufacturers gleefully turn out cards in large numbers.


The Valentine Card

The Valentine card that you buy after much searching may well be appropriate for the person that you buy it for.

It may also say something that is appropriate, but they are not personal, because each person does not have a card made specifically for them.

Though the way things are progressing with e-cards, I think that it will not be long before they can be totally personalized and be unique to the sender.

Today however, thousands of other people will also send a copy (real or virtual) of the same card that you send, to their own special loved one too.

The card will only differ from all the others by the personal message that you write in it.


My husband doesn't send Valentine’s Day cards

I married a man that does not send Anniversary or Valentine’s Day cards, but I have yet to meet a man that is more kind, loving and caring than my husband.

When I was younger, much younger, in my twenties, I would see other women receiving cards, chocolates, roses and even going out for a romantic dinner on Valentine’s Day.

Did I feel envious or feel that I was missing something in my life when I saw these things happening?

No not really, I had a husband that was always happy to get home from work to be with his family and a man that I was always happy to see come home too.

Does no card equal does not care?

All I can say it that you cannot tell just from the absence of a card, all that tell you is that they have not bought a card.

The reason behind that decision you can only tell by knowing the man in question. In my case no card does not equal does not care.

My husband was and still is the kind of man that goes out of his way to make life as pleasant and enjoyable as he can for those he loves, there is no doubt that he cares.

Even after being married to me for over 45 years he still opens doors for me and holds my hand when we are out together.

If he knows that I like something, I do not have to wait for a special day to roll round for me to have it.

If we cannot afford something, then he will do everything in his power to find a way to afford it all because he does care.

Definition of Romantic

The Oxford English Dictionary definition is

  • inclined toward or suggestive of the feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love:
  • relating to love, especially in a sentimental or idealized way:
  • 2 of, characterized by, or suggestive of an idealized view of reality:

Urban Dictionary definition is

  • Displaying or expressing love or strong affection.
  • Honorable, Passionate, Charming, Respectfull.

Does not buying a Valentine’s Day Card equal not romantic?

Do you have to buy Valentine’s Day Cards to be romantic? I think that the card manufacturers would love us to believe that you do have to buy a Valentine card if you want to be romantic on Valentine’s Day.

Advertisers pay out lots of money for advertising hoping to make people want to buy products identified with being romantic. Mostly the advertisers identify products as being romantic in the first place.

I personally do not think that you have to buy a card on a special day once a year to qualify as being romantic.

However, I suppose that it is down to what we mean by romantic?

If I take the first definition I suppose that I would have to say that my husband is not romantic because he does not express, see or show his love in a sentimental and idealized way.

However, if I take the second definition then I can say that he is definitely romantic. Why, because where I am concerned, he does express love, he has no trouble showing strong affection, and he is honourable, passionate, charming and respectful.

Romantic or not romantic?

If a man does not buy a Valentine's Day card does it mean that he is not romantic?

See results

So what kind of man does not buy a Valentine card?

I would have to say that he is whatever kind of man he is for the 365 days in a year; buying or not buying a card does not define or make the man anything other than a card buyer.

I have lived long enough and seen enough to know that a man can buy and do all the right things on Valentine’s Day but that does not tell us what kind of man he is for the rest of the year.

If a man buys a card, roses, and chocolates then whisks his loved one off to a fancy restaurant to wine and dine her but treats her like dirt the rest of the year is he more romantic than the man who just does not buy a card?

I don’t think you can judge whether a man is romantic simply from his buying habits on one particular day, it is how he acts the other 364 days of the year that will show what kind of man he is.


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    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 3 years ago from Sunny Spain

      Thank you manatita44 for your lovely response to my hub, and you are right I do have a loving husband.

      Thank you once again for your kind comments :D

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 3 years ago from london

      Beautiful, Maggs.

      I also like the idea of 365 days. I see that you have a loving husband and I, also, loved your second definition of romance also.

      Interesting, slightly witty and well-written HUb.

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 4 years ago from Sunny Spain

      Thank you torrilynn for taking the time to comment, I appeciate it, I am glad that you think the same too :D

    • torrilynn profile image

      torrilynn 4 years ago

      I agree with you that buying or not buying a Valentine's card does not relate to how much he cares about you. It is all about someones actions and how much they show you they care. Voted up and shared

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 4 years ago from Sunny Spain

      Thanks savvydating for your comment, I think that if your other half loves you he will generally know if these things are important to you, my husband knows that cards and all the rest of the stuff that goes with Valentines day are not important to me, so him not buying these things is not an uncaring act on his part.

      If they were important to me, and he knew, and still did not buy me a card, then that would be another matter.

      It sounds to me from your comment, that your other half knows how important these things are to you, and he sends them to you, because he wants to make you happy :D It also sounds like your dad is making your step mother happy too, so it seems we are all happy with our men folk lol...

    • savvydating profile image

      Yves 4 years ago

      My dad is a very considerate man. I think he even feels that he is romantic, yet he does not buy my stepmother cards or flowers. In his way of thinking, she can have anything she wants, she just has to buy it herself - and he will not deny her.

      So it depends... Personally, I like cards, flowers and poems very much. I would be sad not to receive them. Frankly, I think my step mother sometimes feels the same way, deep down. Nonetheless, she is pretty darn happy because she and my dad have a strong marriage that is still going strong after 20+ years.

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 5 years ago from Sunny Spain

      You and I think alike Nell :D It is nice to see you in my comments :D

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

      HI maggs, I know it's a while ago now, but I just had to comment on this one, I had a boyfriend years ago who always sent one, but he wasn't that nice really, lol! then I got married to someone who really cared about me, and yes me too, I never got one from him, so yes its the caring that counts not the paper with a few words on, nell

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 5 years ago from Sunny Spain

      Miss Jamie, Thank you so much for your comments, I am with you all the way as you said

      "I'd rather have love than a card or flowers any day."

      Me too :D

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 5 years ago from Sunny Spain

      I am so sorry to hear that Snurre, divorce is painful. We use to, and still do to some extent, make our own cards for birthdays, these days Photoshop and video plays a part in these. I know that my son made a birthday video for me that made my whole day light up.

      My husband might not send me a Valentine card but for 46 years of married life he has gone out of his way every day to show me in thousands of small and large ways that he loves me.

      I don't have to wait for a special day or a card his life and love are my Valentine :D

      Thank you for your comment I appreciate it.

    • MissJamieD profile image

      MissJamieD 5 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Good hub:) This type of "arranged" holiday doesn't do much for me either. As long as I'm with my true love, every day is Valentine's Day. Now if it's my birthday or Christmas and I don't receive anything, not even a card, that may trigger some questions. lol...but for the most part, if a man buys you a card that you think is silly or he gets you flowers that you don't like or chocolates that you don't exactly love, or even if he buys you a power drill or pots and pans for V-Day, just be happy and feel lucky that he thought about you at all. I love men, don't get me wrong, but they are incredibly simple. I love that about them though, to me it's an innocent naïve quality that most of them possess but it's precious. If you're talking about a man/husband who never shows he loves you, never does things for you out of love and never implies that he cares about what day it is, (your anniversary, birthday) then maybe you should re-think your relationship. Otherwise just be happy that you're in love, that alone is more than a lot of people have. I'd rather have love than a card or flowers any day.

    • Snurre profile image

      Snurre 5 years ago

      Some good points here, Maggie. I agree that some men just don't do the cards thing, like your husband. When Steve and I were still married, we didn't want to fall victims of Americanized and commercialized Valentine's Day, so we always came up with interesting DIY card ideas. Remembering them makes me sad because I won't receive a card this year - first Valentine's Day after our divorce.

      Voted up and interesting.

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 5 years ago from Sunny Spain

      Thank you dashingscorpio for your insightful comment, and I agree with your first point, in my case I was not a victim of bait and switch, he was like this before I married him.

      I never had an anniversary card from my hubby, but on our thirtieth anniversary, my husband surprised me with a trip to the USA as an anniversary present.

      I only found out hours before our flight. He had organised everything, even my bags had been packed all I had to do was climb into the car and off we went.

      Like you I think

      "All anyone truly wants from their mate is to know they are loved and appreciated."

      Thanks again for reading and commenting both much appreciated.

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 5 years ago from Sunny Spain

      Thank you Wonderwool for your kind comment, I agree real love will always find ways of expressing itself everyday in lots of ways, it will not be restricted to one day each year.

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 5 years ago from Sunny Spain

      Thank you Donnah for the vote up, I agree I hope the real intention behind the day doesn't get lost in all the hype. Thankfully, real love will always find ways of expressing itself.

      Whether it is shown through a well chosen card, or a nice cuppa tea ready and waiting for you when you come in from shopping, what is important is that it is expressed in a way that shows the other person that you really love them and care about them.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 5 years ago

      I think there is a problem only if the guy gave his wife Valentine's Day cards while they were "dating/courting" but stopped after they got married. In situations like that it's a "bait and switch" type of thing. He was acting one way until he won her over.

      By and large I've always been the type of guy that enjoys buying Valentine's cards, roses, and small singing stuffed animals, going out for a special dinner, or having a candlelight dinner at home. In fact I usually have purchased my card during the first or second week of January. My wife on the other hand could take it or leave it. In fact (she) did not buy me a Valentine's card last year. Her excuse was she had foot surgery in early February.

      However a "naturally romantic" person knowing something like that would be taking place would plan on getting things done they felt were "important" prior to being laid up. :-)

      Having said that my wife threw me a surprise birthday party this past year and does other things to show her love and appreciation. All anyone truly wants from their mate is to know they are loved and appreciated.

    • Wonder wool profile image

      Priyanka Estambale 5 years ago from United States

      Love should not be limited to Valentine's Day, it should be expressed daily or else it is not true love. Beautifully written!

    • donnah75 profile image

      Donna Hilbrandt 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      I love the sentiment behind your hub. Valentine's Day should be about the love, but has become all about the money for some. I hope people don't get lost and forget the intention behind giving love its own holiday. Voted up!