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What My Relationships Have Taught Me

Updated on January 22, 2016

My First Boyfriend

My first boyfriend and I dated for six months. Throughout these six months, I realized what a relationship actually consisted of, rather than what you read in books and see in movies. I mostly learned what not to do.

Don't Be Shy
I learned that being shy got me nowhere. I wanted to hold hands and be affectionate, but I was so afraid that he wouldn't want to or that he'd find it strange, that I didn't.

Don't Beat Around the Bush
Being indirect didn't do anything. My first boyfriend and I didn't hang out outside of school much, and we didn't text a ton outside of school either. This bothered me, because we were good friends before we started dating, but instead of expressing this, I would hint around wanting to spend time together. Again, this got me nowhere.

Trust That it's Okay
I was so afraid that he wanted to break up with me all of the time that I acted like he was. I eventually became someone I wasn't, sad and nervous all of the time. I was so self-conscious that it affected my relationship negatively; I should've just trusted that everything was okay.

My "Second Boyfriend"

I put this is quotes because it was super short lived. Not that I didn't really like him, because I did.

Drama is Drama
There was so much drama in this relationship and we were so young. I let it get to me and ultimately this is what caused our relationship to come to a close.

Don't Believe Everything You Hear
People were always throwing around rumors. This goes hand in hand with drama. Instead of confronting the situation, I just let it stew until it was too late.


My First True Love

My first serious boyfriend and I dated for an incredible four years. He was my everything and I couldn't have loved him any more, even if I had tried. Our breakup was honestly the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through.

How To Love Someone
I learned how to love and care for someone like I never had before. He was my heart and my soul. I never knew that you could actually love someone like that.

Someone Else Before Myself, Consistently
I learned how to put someone else's needs and wants before my own, for the most part. Sometimes, we fought over what we wanted to do, but typically I learned to compromise.

Be Strong
I had to speak up for myself and express what I needed; what I wanted.

Do What I Need, Not What I Want
Eventually, putting someone else first all of the time can backfire; if you're not happy. I had to pull myself out of my rut and do what was best for me, even if I didn't want to.

Love Myself
He always said I was beautiful, no matter what anyone else said or how I felt. I eventually believed it and had confidence in myself.

Should and Shouldn't Be
I learned what a healthy relationship should and shouldn't be.

Best Friend
He was literally my best friend. We did everything together. We stayed up until crazy hours of the night laughing and talking and acting like complete morons, we played video games until 4 in the morning, we laughed at the dumbest things and watched TV shows weekly. I'd even gladly watch him play video games, or vice versa. He wasn't just my boyfriend, he was my absolute best friend.

Stand Up For Myself
No matter who or what it was, I learned how to speak my mind and not let anyone get to me.

Not a Fairytale
I learned that despite how much I wanted us to, we weren't going to make it. This shattered my heart, my life, my everything. I had to push through.

More Do's and Don't's
Reflecting on the relationship, I realized a lot of things. I learned a lot of lessons, I learned things that I said, I shouldn't have said. I learned that two rights don't make a wrong. When you're in it, it's sometimes difficult to be logical, and for the most part I thought I was. Looking back, there are many things that I wish I wouldn't have said or did. It was just because I was angry and I took it out on him. Additionally, I now understand a lot more of why he did the things that he did that I hated so much. I even find myself doing them sometimes. That, of course, is something I have to work on.

Be a Woman, Instead of a Girl
Somewhere along the line, I grew up and became the woman that I had always desired to be.

Thank you. You'll always have a piece of my heart; regardless of what we went through.


My Current Boyfriend

My boyfriend and I met through work. We became fast friends and I never saw it going anywhere else. I was shocked when it eventually did, and now he's my best friend.

How To Love Again
It's not impossible to love again after a broken heart. He taught me that.

Disagreements Aren't Always Fights
I've always known that not everything had to be a fight, but I had just come to expect it. We've yet to have an argument.

It's Always Possible to Say What You Mean
He's always open, honest, and willing to listen to whatever's on my mind.

They Notice
He knows me so well. He can take one look at me, or just hear my voice through the phone and instantly know if something's wrong.

True Love Powers Through
No matter what the circumstances, no matter what situation was at hand, it's always been okay. He's always been there.

Life Lessons
I look up to my boyfriend. He is so smart and taught me so much about life and how to handle certain situations. He's my boyfriend and my mentor.

Have you changed a lot since your first relationship?

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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago

      Life is about learning!

      Essentially this applies to relationships as well.

      During our youth we're immature, naïve and unrealistic about life and the ways of the world. We truly believe our ideal mate at age 17 will be the same kind of guy or girl we'll want age 27 or 30.

      Little do we know we're allowing the enraged hormones and our false belief that we are (adults) who know who what we want and need in a mate of life at sweet 16. The truth is we have yet to discover who we are!

      And yet many folks will allow their first love or immature teenage relationship determine their beliefs about love and relationships for life.

      The average person in the U.S. loses their virginity at age 17. The average age of a first time married girls is (27) and men is (29). Essentially that leaves 10-12 years of sexual activity on (average) for a person.

      It was unrealistic for us to believe that we would maintain a relationship through our high school years, have a long-distance relationship while away at college for 4-6 years, and ultimately marry the person we fell in love with during our teenage years.

      Every failed relationship teaches us about ourselves and how to make better choices for ourselves. The people who have it the worst are those that never take responsibility for (choosing) their mates.

      It's an evolutionary process!

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Hopefully with age comes wisdom!


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