What Not To Say On A First Date
I know first dates can be daunting enough without needing to see that a list actually exists full of things you should not say or do. It's not a life or death matter - just an unwritten (well, until the age of the internet) list to help you and your newfound love along your way!
- "I got you the salad."
No. Just don't order anything for somebody else unless they asked you to. Salad or steak, it does not matter.
- "I hope my ex sees us here."
Or anything to do with an ex-partner. They can't be over them if they're constantly thinking of them, whether it be some cruel mind game or as they pray to their shrine every night.
- "You devote all of your time to that? Don't you think that's kind of pointless?"
How would you like it if somebody crapped on something you were passionate about?
- "So how come you're single?"
AKA: What do I need to know? What's wrong with you?
- "I don't usually like bigger girls/short guys/ginger hair."
So why exactly did you agree to this?
- "I Google'd you."
Yes, we all do it. I mean you have to be sure that your potential baby-daddy isn't wanted for axing his whole family to death, or on some weird porn mail list. Or works at your local STD clinic... But for god's sake, keep it to yourself!
- "I'm not racist/sexist/homophobic, but..."
You probably are.
- "Yes, your bum does look big in that."
They know not to ask, but you should know what to say.
- "I forgot my wallet/purse."
How? Were you not expecting to pay? I think we'd all rather somebody was a little bit late than have to endure this rather awkward situation.
- "I don't live with my parents, they live with me. In the same house I grew up in."
Good luck with this one.
- "So how much money do you make?"
Can you match up to my level of competency? Or just a big ol' gold digger.
- "Oh, they're your favourite? Really?"
Shut up. If you can't keep schtum because they like a different genre of music or support a different football team, then you're the problem here.
- "So you know that three-date-rule-thing?"
Behave. You're more likely to get some if you don't make it your one and only goal.
- "You remind me of my dad."
Daddy issues. Run. Run fast.
- "How many drinks does it take you to get drunk?"
Do not leave your drink unattended for a second.
- Total silence.
What You Could Say Instead
It's not all bad news! Here's a few quick tips on what you can say to help the evening go smoother:
- You look nicer than in your photo.
- Do you like your job? (Don't mention money, damn it!)
- I like that too! (I mean, you needn't lie, but I'm sure you can find one thing you agree on, and focus on that for a while.)