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What Things Are Considered Cheating?

Updated on January 9, 2018
tamarawilhite profile image

Tamara Wilhite is a technical writer, industrial engineer, mother of 2, and a published sci-fi and horror author.

What Is Cheating?

Cheating in this context is any way you would commonly be considered to have cheated on your spouse. This includes sex but isn't limited to sex. What is considered cheating to most people?

Sex Outside of the Relationship

Sex in any form outside of your relationship is cheating. The standard definition of cheating is full sexual intercourse. Cheating you your partner also includes sexual release - whether oral or another way.

This is why phone sex or sexual discussions with someone online is considered cheating. You were seeking sexual release with someone who wasn't your partner - technology wasn't a layer of protective insulation from the term cheating, it was an enabler to this new way you could cheat on your partner. For example, getting your kicks from a girl on a webcam while your partner is asleep is cheating - it is simply facilitated by the camera.

There are jokes and horror stories of sending dick pictures and sexy selfies to the wrong person. If you are sexually enticing someone who isn't your partner in this way, you are cheating - because it is an invitation to sexual involvement and you're already involved.

We are individuals programmed to pair off - but we fight our impulses to remain faithful to one partner and have many ways to undermine a relationship.
We are individuals programmed to pair off - but we fight our impulses to remain faithful to one partner and have many ways to undermine a relationship. | Source

Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy with someone other than your partner is cheating. This doesn't make friendships with someone else cheating. It is when you tell the other person things that your partner should know - and you aren't telling your partner these things - that you've undermined the relationship.

There is an old joke that a woman's desire for emotional intimacy often leads to sex while a man's desire for sex sometimes leads to emotional intimacy. Women are hardwired to fall in love with sexual partners and desire sex with the person they are emotionally intimate with. This is why a man having a one night stand is less of a threat to a relationship than a woman becoming emotionally intimate with someone else - she's more likely to leave because of the emotional entanglement with someone else.

Conversely, a man who has repeatedly cheated sexually on a partner has already abandoned the relationship because he isn't keeping his word to be sexually faithful - and a man's emotional intimacy means the official relationship is doomed, because it is hard for men to become emotionally intimate with anyone. Thus the man has not only cheated but endangered his official relationship by becoming emotionally intimate with another woman, and he has almost certainly doomed it if he's both physically and emotionally intimate with someone else.

Wanting to Get Your Ex Back

There are an amazing number of books, articles and videos on how to get your ex back. One of the tips these sources give is to make your ex jealous by being with someone else, then teasing, flirting and reminding them of how much other people want them.

If you are in this relationship to upset, entice and incite your ex-partner, you are cheating on them by betraying the very intention of the relationship, because you are using them to try to get back with someone else.

Betrayals

Many subtle betrayals don't seem like cheating but become so over time. Think of the person who is constantly monitoring what their ex does, tracking their activities and comments online, even while officially with a new person. This undermines the new relationship and is a betrayal of that person's intentions.This is a betrayal even when they aren't actually trying to get the ex back in a relationship but are instead bound in a love-hate relationship. It is hard to be faithful to the new partner when your emotional focus is someone else.

Then there are the actions that someone writes off as not really cheating that are betrayal, like the woman who has sex with her ex to get him to come visit the kids or guarantee child support is paid - betraying her current partner but has a good excuse for doing so.

Comments

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  • tamarawilhite profile imageAUTHOR

    Tamara Wilhite 

    13 months ago from Fort Worth, Texas

    Joel Sumaban Pardillo You're right that technology is giving people far more avenues to cheat, even if it isn't physical. Virtual reality, though, and sex bots could make it "physical".

  • eljo profile image

    Joel Sumaban Pardillo 

    2 years ago from Philippines

    Good article...

    "This is why phone sex or sexual discussions with someone online is considered cheating.

    with the advent of technology like online chatting and celphones, cheating is more prevalent and widespread endangering relationships.

  • nnms profile image

    Seiboi Misao 

    2 years ago from India

    Great article! Here cheating is in the context of personal relationships. It can be also of academic like plagiarism, examination cheating, or in games and sports like use of steroids etc.

  • La Alekss profile image

    Alejandra 

    2 years ago from Maryland

    Good Article. Sure, but it is written it facts, like this is what cheating is. Their are different types of relationships. What works for others might not work for you and that it is okay. You write like this has happened to you in the past, like you were cheated on in the past. This article would had been more interesting if you wrote it of you past experience. And another thing, to use "dick" in an informative article as the one that I suppose you were attempting to write, I think you should use the correct scientific term for it. But that is my opinion!

  • La Alekss profile image

    Alejandra 

    2 years ago from Maryland

    Good Article. Sure, but it is written it facts, like this is what cheating is. Their are different types of relationships. What works for others might not work for you and that it is okay. You write like this has happened to you in the past, like you were cheated on in the past. This article would had been more interesting if you wrote it of you past experience. And another thing, to use "dick" in an informative article as the one that I suppose you were attempting to write, I think you should use the correct scientific term for it. But that is my opinion!

  • dashingscorpio profile image

    dashingscorpio 

    2 years ago

    Excellent article!

    "Many subtle betrayals don't seem like cheating but become so over time." - This is often the impetus for eventual affairs and cheating.

    People mentally "justify" their actions early on as being somewhat "innocent" just because there is no sex involved (at the time).

    "It's not like we're really doing anything!"

    "Just because I'm married doesn't mean I can't have (friends)!"

    One day he/she says: "We never (planned) for this to happen."

    The reality is there were many steps along the path they chose which led up to the eventual emotional or physical intimacy moment.

    Bottom line if it's a "secret" it's probably cheating related.

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