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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
What To Do When Your Boyfriend is Upset
When you see there is something bothering your boyfriend, do you want to help him feel better and smile again?
Do you wonder whether something you did or said is upsetting him, but he won't tell you?
I know how you feel. Here are eight steps I have found that can help you, and him.
- Observe him. Not stalk him, just read his body language. If you know he is the suck-it-up-in-silence type, then just be physically there and don't use words to make it better. If you try using words, you will only annoy him.
- Be there for him. If you cannot physically be there and you're on Facebook or texting, just let him know that you are there for him. Even though he might make it seem like he does not care, he really does.
- Try talking. In some cases, if you push the talking just enough, it will get him to open up, but still be cautious of how you do it.
- Initiate a conversation. If he is not the suffer-in-silence type, then talk to him. Do not ask directly. Talk casually to get his mind off the situation, and the truth may come out.
- Hug him. If he is a touchy person, then hug him or just put your head on his shoulder and smooch his cheek. Let him know that you are there. If you are not next to him then just text him that you are there.
- Listen. When he finally tells you what is going on, LISTEN. Do not give him immediate advice. Hear the whole story. Be there as comfort, not a psychiatrist.
- Be positive. When he is finished, tell him it will be ok. If the problem is huge, ask him what he wants to do next and help him follow through.
- Apologize. If it was something you said or did that upset him, take responsibility. A simple "I'm sorry" can be very powerful.
How These Steps Worked for Me
To prove that these methods can work, I will tell you a personal story.
One evening, I was casually texting my man and we were smiling and happy. The moments that change his mood from happy to irritated are so sudden. I am never prepared. Someone had pissed him off again and he felt alone and thought that the world was against him. I knew that this was not true.
I sat there and listened to what he had to say. What I told him was that, "There is no way that you are alone. I am right here with you. If the world is against you then it is against me too. You are a fantastic person and there is no one else that I could ever dream of being with."
He insisted that I didn't understand how he felt. I asked him to help me understand. I tried to joke with him and get his mind off of his problems. The problem persisted. What was I to do? What I ended doing was telling him that there is no way that he could stay unhappy, and that he would get through this. He is strong and there is so much to look forward to. I told him to look at his life. He might not have had everything he had ever wanted, but he had everything he needed. Most of all, he had me.
At that point, he said, "I'm not worth it" and I told him that if he was not worth anything, then I would not be sitting here trying to help him over this situation.
He told me that nobody had ever been there for him before like I was.