ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

What To Do When Your Boyfriend is Upset

Updated on January 27, 2015

When you see there is something bothering your boyfriend, do you want to help him feel better and smile again?

Do you wonder whether something you did or said is upsetting him, but he won't tell you?

I know how you feel. Here are eight steps I have found that can help you, and him.

  1. Observe him. Not stalk him, just read his body language. If you know he is the suck-it-up-in-silence type, then just be physically there and don't use words to make it better. If you try using words, you will only annoy him.
  2. Be there for him. If you cannot physically be there and you're on Facebook or texting, just let him know that you are there for him. Even though he might make it seem like he does not care, he really does.
  3. Try talking. In some cases, if you push the talking just enough, it will get him to open up, but still be cautious of how you do it.
  4. Initiate a conversation. If he is not the suffer-in-silence type, then talk to him. Do not ask directly. Talk casually to get his mind off the situation, and the truth may come out.
  5. Hug him. If he is a touchy person, then hug him or just put your head on his shoulder and smooch his cheek. Let him know that you are there. If you are not next to him then just text him that you are there.
  6. Listen. When he finally tells you what is going on, LISTEN. Do not give him immediate advice. Hear the whole story. Be there as comfort, not a psychiatrist.
  7. Be positive. When he is finished, tell him it will be ok. If the problem is huge, ask him what he wants to do next and help him follow through.
  8. Apologize. If it was something you said or did that upset him, take responsibility. A simple "I'm sorry" can be very powerful.

How These Steps Worked for Me

To prove that these methods can work, I will tell you a personal story.

One evening, I was casually texting my man and we were smiling and happy. The moments that change his mood from happy to irritated are so sudden. I am never prepared. Someone had pissed him off again and he felt alone and thought that the world was against him. I knew that this was not true.

I sat there and listened to what he had to say. What I told him was that, "There is no way that you are alone. I am right here with you. If the world is against you then it is against me too. You are a fantastic person and there is no one else that I could ever dream of being with."

He insisted that I didn't understand how he felt. I asked him to help me understand. I tried to joke with him and get his mind off of his problems. The problem persisted. What was I to do? What I ended doing was telling him that there is no way that he could stay unhappy, and that he would get through this. He is strong and there is so much to look forward to. I told him to look at his life. He might not have had everything he had ever wanted, but he had everything he needed. Most of all, he had me.

At that point, he said, "I'm not worth it" and I told him that if he was not worth anything, then I would not be sitting here trying to help him over this situation.

He told me that nobody had ever been there for him before like I was.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • abbykorinnelee profile image

      Abigayle Malchow 4 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

      I might actually try some of your suggestions with an incredibly close friend of mine of 15 years, he might respond to some of this...thanks

    • NeptuneSalacia profile image
      Author

      Jessica 4 years ago from Washington

      (: i hope everything works out! Every one deserves to be happy.

    • abbykorinnelee profile image

      Abigayle Malchow 4 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

      Thank you; truthfully we have been really close friends for so long and have had every aspect of a relatonship on and off over the years just never did. After all that time we had our first argument and i was one sided on his part and I have no idea where the heck it came from and since then he's pretty much snapped at everything I have said. He said our friendship is out on a limb right now and I still don't know why..lol..I figure trying the ideas you had would help. We may never have dated but we might as well have so I think we are on a level these would work...I will def let you know how it goes. I see him for the first time since the arguing started tomorrow...picking up my son at a halfway point from him...should be interesting.

    • NeptuneSalacia profile image
      Author

      Jessica 4 years ago from Washington

      definitely Let me know if it works (: fighting and arguing gets nobody anywhere... No growth there. Once the issue is addressed

      ..both should WANT to fix the friendship or relationship.only then can growth come back and the friendship or relationship can progress (: i know personally i dislike fighting with my man. Recently i just try to figure out what i did wrong. Or if it is me that's the problem. And go from there. With different issues there are different ways to handle it. But the person has to be worth it...

    • abbykorinnelee profile image

      Abigayle Malchow 4 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

      We have never argued or fought once in fifteen years. I didn't argue I kept asking what he was mad at and trying to explain something wasn't what I meant and he was purposely saying things to hit every damn nerve! He has NEVER done that before, I don't get it to be honest and i tried to call him and he wouldn't answer and he snapped when I texted. I see him in person tomorrow, he never answered my email. I don't know but anyone else it wouldn't be worth it but there just seems to be something that isn't right and i that is the case than that is what my job is as his friend for so long...its me that should have the uncondtional love and acceptance of him since I have been around so long.

      I don't think its that he doesn't want it or he would have said that without it being in a fight. We don't have an issue laying stuff out there. We have always told the other everything, the truth, the bad and the good. WE know the stuff you don't want your own relationship partner to know.

      I know he misunderstood something but I explained it and I just read the texts like five times through and I ended up reading it to two neurtral parties they all thought it was the most bizarre thing ever. But in the end if that is what he wants is to bail than I have to let him. Two days prior to that he said nothing and no one could say or do something to make us not be friends...so I just don't think that's it. As I said I will let you know its obvious I am obsessing lol

    • NeptuneSalacia profile image
      Author

      Jessica 4 years ago from Washington

      (: mhmm. I wouldn't say obsessing. I would say, caring. And concerned. But i don't know the full situation. So ill wait for the results! I hope everything works out well!

    • abbykorinnelee profile image

      Abigayle Malchow 4 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

      Well not much else to tell in regards to the situation. I am very protective of him and over the top loyal. He was there for me for six years of a cheating spouse and he was always there for me when I had no one to turn to and for something to be so off like this and for me to not have a clue what it is. It hurts me I can't fix it, it hurts me that something is so wrong we are fighting. It even hurts me to think I did do something I didn't. He has seen that in me every other time but this time it was all about how I was selfish and it was memememe...I was all about him and what he si going through so I am not sure what that is about. I don't know...but its eating at me.

    • NeptuneSalacia profile image
      Author

      Jessica 4 years ago from Washington

      Your loyalty and love for this humongous impact of a friend, gives me immense hope. I have complete faith that this situation will be resolved. It seems like your friendship/relationship was very strong and something small can falter it but i think you and him will pull through (:

    • abbykorinnelee profile image

      Abigayle Malchow 4 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

      Yes it always has been, I started thinking it strange when he would be on the phone with me and talking about everything that we probably shouldn't:) He would say he was going to make plans to come up and stay a night so we could hang out and he right at the last minute bailed. Eight times this year. Last Sat I brought up him doing it this weekend and he wasn't sure because he was going to be starting a new job but right before we left his whole demeanour changed and he is the one that said yeah he would figure it out because we really needed to hang out together. When he called to tell me he couldn't I got a little emotional but explained why and that was the fight starting.

    • NeptuneSalacia profile image
      Author

      Jessica 4 years ago from Washington

      Sounds like the issue is that you want to hang out like he said he wanted to at first. And since he keeps bailing out on you, you reached the point where you start to get emotional about it. so, he sees it as you being... selfish but you see it as you just wanting some time with him.

    • abbykorinnelee profile image

      Abigayle Malchow 4 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

      Yup nailed it right on the head....wish me luck got a six hour drive and I am grumpy in the morning lol...and it wasn't him I was emotional with; its that two other friends were going to visit too at one time or another and life got in their way too...I was just lonely...it had nothing to do with him in the first place

    • NeptuneSalacia profile image
      Author

      Jessica 4 years ago from Washington

      Good luck!! (: and drive safely.

    • profile image

      Alex May Blakey 3 years ago

      Give him a hug and say it's alright and try to make him laugh and at the end say I love you and actually mean it

    • profile image

      Addie 2 years ago

      Thank you so much this is so helpful :)

    • profile image

      farah 2 years ago

      Mre aur mre bf ke biche kch dino se bhut problm chl rhi h..he iz vry angry actully mri wjhe se hi sb ho rha h mai hr bat me gssa krne lgti hu to ye sre gsse me i abused my self so for dat he iz vry angry n now a day he iz nt talkng to me properly he iz nt giving me tym..

      Plz ans me wht should i do to make him happy

    • profile image

      Diana 2 years ago

      d and for a few days he's been hurting I can't reach him he doesn't answer my calls and am dying to see and talk to him. How can I do this help.

    • profile image

      jenny 12 months ago

      My name is jenny, and i live in uk.I have been through hell and pain,looking for a good and real spell caster who can help me get my boyfriend back.I have been scammed so many times,by some who claimed to be real spell casters.until i found the real and great spell caster "druzoyaspiritualtemple@gmail.com" who helped me,and solved all my problems concerning my boyfriend who left me since eight months ago.and after that i also took my friend along,who was also having the same problem concerning her husband,who left her since five months ago,and the problem was also solved by the same "Dr Uzoya". Cant you see! the real and great spell caster is here,all you need to do now is to contact this same address whenever you are in any problem related to spell casting.It took me a very long period of time,before i could get this real and great spell caster.So right now "druzoyaspiritualtemple@gmail.com" is here,and the best for you to solve your problems....

      Thanks.....

    • profile image

      Arabianjasmine 2 months ago

      I'm dating my bf for four years going 5 and I just don't understand that he will get mad for some reason and he always caught me by surprised we are just talking and suddenly out of clear blue sky he will get mad so I will react of course and then he will get mad more and he will tell me to stop but my point I don't know why he is mad . It's like if he don't know where to go and he will asked me I will say just keep going and it will be on ur left side u won't missed it . And he's telling me that he has the right to get mad and I'm supposed not to say anything and be quiet . How I can be quiet I have no clue why he's mad I'm getting to the point that no need to get mad . I get mad when he is telling me to stop and don't say anything and I just don't get it I have to depend myself and he get mad . That's why most of the time my answer to him is its up to you cuz I don't want to say something that is wrong . So he left my house without saying anything and called me after two hours cuz I guess he texted me but I didn't know he texted me . And still he wants to argue that's why I told him you like to argue in every little thing which is nothing to get mad and then he will tell me to stop so I finally told him that's is being controlling . And he said I have the right to get mad and I said you have the right to get mad but be reasonable . And he said I don't understand him

    Click to Rate This Article