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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
What Women Want: Busting the 50 Shades of Grey Myth
Shades of Desire... What Are YOU Looking For?
Do You Know What You're Looking For?
What is with the Fifty Shades of Grey that has everyone all up in arms and nervous about sexual desire? Oh, please, like it's a mystery that women fantasize about a guy whisking her away or throwing her down on the kitchen table just to "have her."
And now I'm seeing a backlash of men revolting against the words of E.L. James in her most fantastic version of desire and dating I've ever read. I mean, I rolled my eyes so often reading her books, I was afraid they might fall out of my head and roll away.
What do women want?
Lots of things, actually. Don't worry-- it's not that complicated (at least for us evolved women). Like men, we want to be appreciated for our good deeds. Yes, we cook, bake, caress, kiss and encourage those around us. Cut us some slack.
We don't want riches.
That is, not the gold-digging type. Yes, we do exist. We won't be flashing our acrylic nails, plumped up enhancements (lips, breasts, hair or other attachments), or sporting our BEBE tops glistening with rhinestones to mesmerize you. We may not even be the size 2 models you see wearing the Victoria's Secret outfits in the media. But we have a heart of gold that you can't "cash out" when your chips are down. If you're a smart investor, you'll recognize our types right away.
We aren't looking for the CEO who has model looks and wants to whip us silly.
That's silly, really. I read the kind of things Christian Grey liked to do, and how willing Anastasia Steele was willing to give up herself, and it all seems so... SILLY! I'm at the age where I know what a puppet show is, I've seen the strings, and I'm not impressed by false facades. I've also made it my life's passion to encourage women to find their voice, seek their dreams and not "give in" to men for any superficial reasons. Really, what did Christian "do" for love? Be really, really "good looking?" Be moody? (Yuck). Own a billion-dollar company at 27 and still make time to work out regularly while he's helping to save the world? Oh, no... there goes my eyes again...
About the whipping, spanking and other uninhibited pleasures...
Let's just get this straight: I'm forty and proud of my years going through life experiences. I've pretty much opened the gates to everything (well, with a few criminal exceptions). It's only because I've been through so much in life and have come to a place of peace in my life that I can open up this way. I'm sorry but an early-20's virgin will not go from inexperienced dork to sex goddess over night. Trust me on this. Sorry, E.L. James, but this is where you lost me.
We want to be ravished.
Yes, we want the physical desire to take over and be grabbed, forced down on the couch/bed/table/floor, etc. but only if you get the green light from our actions that we're "ready." Foreplay is a lengthy tango of emotions swaying back and forth in a melodious segue of pleasure. You should be able to tell the difference between interest and LUST. If you've been "friend-zoned," you should not try the above mentioned attacks (unless you don't mind the police showing up at your door with guns drawn).
And for goodness sakes, we want you to stick around-- thick and thin.
That's right. Even if there's no official walk down the aisle, we want to know our man will be there for us. That means, if we're hurling up chunks in the toilet, please hold our hair back and wait for us to finish. A glass of water afterward is a nice touch. We will be there for you in the best of times, including your team winning the all-stars, Superbowl or whatever they call that stuff, and just the same we'll support you when your boss tells you to take a hike, your dog kicks the bucket or you stubbed your toe. What do we expect in return? Don't disappear when we have mother nature visit us for six days out of the month, or when you see us wear an unattractive shade of blue eyeshadow, or cry when we've lost hope in the kindness of our fellow humans (at least in that moment of the day, while mother nature is beckoning us).
So there you have it. We don't need a gorgeous CEO who cares about the world and saves us from every peril that life throws our way. And no, we won't give up our freedom, independence or our voice to be your sex slave, baby-girl, or any other "arrangement" that makes you comfortable-- that is, if you value our opinion, and know what it means to truly "care" about your partner.
Christian Grey sounds good in fiction, but I'm smart enough to know that his type are more likely to be narcissistic, domineering and manipulative in relationships. Thanks, but I'd rather get my kicks on Route 66. Or somewhere near El Porto. I like the crowd there.