- Gender and Relationships»
- Separation & Divorce
What Can You Lose If You Are Stubborn?
This is the story of one of my friends. This guy had a short term relationship when he was in his late 30’s. His partner and he split after one year because the relationship did not work out.
He moved on and got married. He has two kids, one girl and one boy. His wife and him worked hard, saved money, bought an investment property next to their main property and a beach house for holiday. On the surface, it did seem that their life is great. They were settled financially in their early 50’s and they just had to enjoy life together.
But we friends did not know the ‘behind scene’ story. In fact, we did find out later that their marriage was not a happy one.
They had issues after the two kids were born. He thought that it was prenatal depression. So he asked his wife to see a Professional counselor. She did not agree, saying that she is OK.
Years later, he did get a letter from his ex-partner. She was terminally ill and wanted to let him know that she had his child, a girl who now was 28 years old and married. He was shocked at first, but after his ex-partner passed away, he went to meet his daughter. She was angry with him because he did not get in contact with her sooner. When she did find out that he did not know about her existence, she and her family accepted him in their life.
He had to tell his family about his first relationship and about his other daughter. But his family did not take this news very well.
Things went down the hill from then on. Not only their intimate relationship stopped, but they started to argue a lot. She was saving her salary in her own bank account and he was paying most of the house bills.
The make things worse, the wife turned the kids against him. The three of them started to have family parties without him. They pushed him away bit by bit until he could not take it longer and left the family home. He moved next door in their investment property. But soon the situation became awkward and he moved in with one of his cousins and his family.
He started the legal proceedings for divorce and settlement. He offered his wife 50% of everything they had. She wanted 65%. He did not agree, so they both engaged lawyers to represent them. They became stubborn and greedy. The more they fought, the more they spent. The lawyers won.
Where did stubbornness take them? To hate, more fights, constant arguments, money wasted and stress. In addition, his kids do not talk to him anymore.
Two years later, the court decided their financial fate: he did get 60% and she did get 40% of what they had. During this time, he did spend $110,000 on legal fees and she did spend $100,000.
The moral of the story
Where did stubbornness take them? To hate, more fights, constant arguments, money wasted on lawyers and stress. In addition, his kids do not talk to him anymore.
Two years later, the court decided their financial fate: he did get 60% and she did get 40% of their total assets. During this time, he did spend $110,000 on legal fees and she did spend $100,000.
Stubbornness does not take you always to a positive outcome. You have to decide when is the best time to give in and negotiate.