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Understanding Human Chemistry

Updated on March 3, 2011

What's attractive about chemistry?

If you've ever been around a group of people, whether you know them or they're strangers, you'll notice that some of these people are much easier to connect or get along with than others. This could be determined by the chemistry you have with a specific person you're communicating with.

I'm sure you've heard of human chemistry. Many people set a store by it, and insist that only people who share a large amount of likenesses should be together. Maybe you've heard people talking about it: "I just don't think So-and-So will make it with What's-her-name, because they just don't have the right chemistry." But, you could very easily be led to wonder what the "Right" chemistry is with someone. There isn't actually such a thing as right chemistry, except the type that is reserved for you, and you alone. For every one person, there is another who will always understand them much more than others do. That among other things, is one aspect of chemistry that everyone needs and wants to feel in their life. Those who have a lot of things in common, and who have the ability to relate positive and negative feelings as well as understand, are more likely to forge a bond that lasts the larger part of the lifetime. But how can you tell if you've found your chemistry in someone else, or not? Well, let's look at other characteristics of this elusive bond-maker.

Physical Chemistry

Have you ever met someone that you took an interest in almost instantly, but couldn't figure out why? You may not have spent an adequate amount of time to form a reasonable opinion at all, but for some reason you really, really like this person. When you start to examine these feelings further, you realize that this suddenly fascinating person hasn't done anything at all remarkable to deserve your admiration. Perhaps you like them because they have pretty eyes, or a nice smile, maybe even dimples. In general, you just like to watch them and be around them, even if it doesn't make much real sense. But then, the more you talk to this person, the more you figure out that their personality doesn't appeal to you. Then you wonder again why you ever liked them in the first place, considering how little they agree with you in anything.

If this has happened to you then you may have been a victim of physical infatuation, or physical chemistry. This has happened to each of us, time and again. Physical chemistry is probably the fastest, most fragile form of attachment between people. How many times have you been duped in believing that a good looking person had more behind their faces than there actually was? Maybe it's that guy at the bar who's always wearing dark clothing, and has an air of slight hostility about him. He looks strong and mysterious, doesn't he? Or maybe, it's that girl in the library most of the time, wearing those cute glasses and reading complex looking books while keeping mainly to herself. There's just something about her. She's probably extremely shy, but she must have the intelligence to make up for it....right? Not always. People are very often mislead into thinking that an attractive exterior means an attractive interior. For this reason, we are drawn to them, even if they're not all the time drawn to us in return. Of course, it's important to be physically attracted to someone, but there is a degree to which it should be moderated. Such chemistry is the component that has a hand in causing excitement when you're around a certain someone you long for. It makes your heart beat faster when you're with them and it can give you butterflies at the slightest of their touch, or the mention of their name. It's feelings like that that make you want to continue being in their company. The positive aspect of physical chemistry can only be founded when it goes hand in hand with emotional chemistry. Rarely anything can top the coupling of these effects on two people. It's a perfect sort of harmony, which is why nearly all of us seek it out as a whole.

Emotional chemistry

This much more complicated breed of chemistry is what connects two people's minds together. This is the bond that gives the most security in a relationship, and it is what creates the ability to form trust. Emotional chemistry begins when two people with like minds realize that they can understand each other. This understanding can lead to an unbreakable, and long-lasting partnership. This is the component of chemistry that makes you think of a future with this person, and it also makes you delve into yourself further. You start to think about what types of sacrifices and commitments you're willing to make for him/her, and if your feelings are founded realistically, then you'll realize that anything goes for them and anything in the world that seems to be good, could come from them. These feelings are accompanied by a sense of comfort with this person. Often enough, you will feel like you would have never been able to reach this level of comfort with yourself, if not for them. Then you realize that this is what it feels like to have someone be "yours", and the feeling of "belonging" to someone. It's the connection and sync of the mind that is most deep and everlasting. It can also lead to this person knowing you more than you know yourself, which is oddly comforting. Sometimes, one person in a relationship will be able to discern what the other is feeling by a passing glance.

It is often said that "Opposites attract", but many cases of emotional chemistry beg to differ. Opposite traits may attract each other for a while as of course, anything new and different can be alluring. But what really forms realistic bonds, is common ground between two people. Surely there are circumstances where two people who are completely different are able to hold each other together, but it's pretty rare. The thing that lonely minds seek out the most, is another mind to connect with. Once we feel that we can openly be ourselves with someone, we can start to grasp the possibility of becoming very close to them. This is harder to achieve when the basis of understanding continually clashes during attempts at founding acknowledgment. We want to feel like we can fall a vast number of times in front of someone, and they'll very patiently pick us up each time without any air of condescension. Nobody wants to be criticized by the one they've learned to trust, and this is why similarities are extremely important when establishing an emotional connection with someone. This is also why emotional chemistry is integral. The attraction of feelings runs the deepest of most things in life, and that's something that's very difficult to break once formed.

My Sentiments

All in all, the absolute perfect formation of chemistry is that of physical and emotional going hand-in-hand. That's very special when recognized, and very easy to keep alive for many years. But how many of us actually find that? How many of us in fact, are able to find someone we're entirely happy with, who we feel can't get any better, and who we've never thought of changing a single aspect about? I think that's what real love and chemistry entails: when you're unwilling to be without any of the traits that your partner possesses. When you can go through the very long days and short years, and still maintain the same amount of happiness that you developed when you discovered it, so long ago within him/her. I'm pretty sure I've found that in my life, so I have no doubt in my mind that anyone can find it in theirs. They just have to be as ready to be patient and wait, as they are ready to commit and find happiness in the form of someone else. There's almost nothing that's as fulfilling as being with the one who can do nothing but make you happy, so of course that person deserves the same in return. That's what can make or break the chemistry in a relationship.

However, another important thing to keep in mind is that in order to get to know anyone else, it's vital to know yourself. It's almost impossible to make someone else happy, when you don't even know what makes you happy. So, take time to get to know yourself before divulging into anything, and most of all, try to stay happy!

Again and again,

Thanks for reading!


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    • WannaB Writer profile image

      Barbara Radisavljevic 6 years ago from Templeton, CA

      Interesting perspective. But sometimes infatuation can perfectly mimic this and only time and testing can discern the truth.