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What happened to dating?

Updated on January 23, 2016

Swipe, Click, Date

I remember how excited we, my sister and cousins, were to try out the new Compact Disc (CD) back in the day. We couldn't believe they took all the wonders of a vinyl disc into such a small "disc". Ha, and to think CDs are pretty much obsolete thanks to digital music.

Technology has taken over everything, including dating!!!

The options are endless..."POF" Plenty of Fish, Match, Zoosk, and/or OurTime. If you are a single parent you can visit SingleParentMeet, or if you are particular about your choice of religious or ethnic backgrounds you can visit, JDate, BlackPeopleMeet, or ChirsitianMingle. Or, if you don't have time to sign up for a website you can always use their apps or Tinder, which is also a website but most people use it as an app. Envision walking into a bar and having all the single people's pictures on your phone and being able to quickly and digitally scan for someone that might be decent enough to meet. It's that easy.

I thank God that I grew up in an era without Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, or even YouTube. Don't get me wrong, I use all of these social media moguls. However, I am well past my crazy teenage years and those great college years.

Now, it's as easy as being in your pajamas while you meet someone without leaving your house. My friend Elizabeth, has met at least 10 guys in the last 6 months. I don't have an issue with online dating, except I feel that our ethical values, men and women, have been thrown out the window with this new trend.

Take for example, a lady I met at a coffee shop that was very open about sharing her Tinder stories. She was married for 16 years and her husband passed away a few years ago. Similar to me, she was amazed with the amount of dating sites/apps available for everyone. She decided to venture out and try this new method of dating.

Ted: She decided to meet Ted because his profile said he was interested in having fun and meeting new people. He was recently divorced and was not interested in getting into a new relationship too soon. Neither was Ms. Coffee Shop. It sounded perfect, and his profile picture was not bad looking (she showed me). They met at the very same coffee shop we were sitting in.

She immediately recognized Ted has he walked thru the door. He was a tall handsome man in his mid to late 40's and looked as if he just stepped off a photo shoot. She got up to introduce herself, feeling a bit intimidated with his good looks. "Hi, I'm Ms. Coffee Shop". He smiled and said, "Hi, Ms Coffee Shop. I'm so glad we decided to meet in person. I love this coffee shop, do you come here often?" And just like that a 2 hour conversation started. The conversation was easy and entertaining. Noticing it had been 2 hours, he grabbed her hand and said, "You are a true pleasure to speak to and are so beautiful. What do you say we go back to your place and get to know each other even better". Ms. Coffee Shop's immediate thought was, "we just met, I'm not bringing you to my place, to do what? Sleep with you? No thank you." She reciprocated the hand gesture and kindly explained she was having a good time and didn't want to rush into anything. Almost immediately, his whole demeanor changed, he was almost rude. He said he was late for a meeting and had to go right away. Really? Did the meeting just get scheduled in the last 30 seconds? What happened? She never heard from him again!

Frank: She swiped right to let him know she liked him. He did the same. After 30 minutes of texting back and forth, he asked her to send him a picture of her in lingerie. She didn't speak to him again.

It seems a lot of these websites or apps are being used to facilitate a quick hook up. Maybe Ms. Coffee Shop had bad luck and was probably swiping the wrong type of guys. She started a profile on one of the other sites and has met somewhat nice guys. However, it all boils down to the fact that dating has changed over time and people have become more open about their want to just hook up.

One of my very good friends, Beth, has been single for a while and when she tells me her stories, her immediate reply or follow up to them, "This is what single people do Denise".

I realized no one takes the time to "get to know each other", its usually straight to sex and nothing more. A quick surf of a person's social media account and you know if you want to have sex with them? And why does it seem women are more likely to send 'naughty' pictures than men. Do we not understand that once someone sends a pic its in their hands and the possibility of it being all over the internet is endless?!

Overall, I understand that we live in a time that 'time is of the essence'. But, is it? Isn't it worth taking the time to meet someone and hold off from sending nude pics or having sex after a 2 hour conversation. What would your parents think of your online dating profile or your texts between you and your Tinder fling? I like to use my mom as a reference of opinion. Would she approve or be disappointed? I think I would do the same if I was online dating.

Is online dating worth it?

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    • JasonT987 profile image

      Jason 2 years ago

      For me it was easier to begin new relationship online than in real life as after bad experience in my previous relationship I wanted to know person quite well before actually meet her. So I chose this site, as I always thought Asians are gorgeous and was lucky enough to find that very special girl there)

    • SeaSunChase profile image

      Denise Chase 2 years ago from Florida

      Thank you for your reply.

      You are absolutely right, this isn't anything new.

      However, you do have to admit that in the "Disco Era" people still had to make that extra effort to have casual sex. It's much more accessible and it there is way less leg work these days.

      It's true, this definitely does not make them a bad person, each person has their own preference. No judging.

      I'm just amazed at how technology has taken everything by storm, including dating.

      My favorite part of your comment was, 'Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.'

      I just wish my single girlfriends understood and appreciated their worth in order to meet that "right" person, regardless of the avenue they take to meet the "right" person. As you said, "It's not how you meet but whom you meet that counts."

      I appreciate your comments.

      Happy Writing

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      This is nothing new!

      I grew up during the "Disco Era" and it was the same thing back then about people going home with people they had a couple of drinks with or a few dances. Some people are only interested in casual sex.

      That doesn't make them a "bad person".

      "Ted: She decided to meet Ted because his profile said he was interested in (having fun and meeting new people)."

      Most people who try online dating don't bother to research sites and they (rush) to meet people in person before determining if they want the same things. It's now how you meet but whom you meet that counts.

      Online dating and phone apps are nothing more than just a (tool) for meeting new people. Much like a (fork) is a tool for eating.

      One can eat a garden salad or a slice of double fudge cake.

      However no obese person would ever blame their fork for their weight gain! And yet people bad online dating experiences will blame the online dating industry!

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      We get to (choose) whom we spend our time with.

      It's up to the individual to establish their own screening process or mate selection criteria. I teach my students to think of themselves as being prospective employers.

      Not everyone who emails a resume gets contacted by the HR department, not everyone who is contacted by HR gets passed onto the hiring manager, and not everyone who has a phone interview with the hiring manager gets invited for a face to face interview, and not everyone who gets a face to face interview gets a second interview or job offer.

      Another thing a company does is interview (multiple candidates) to find the best available one for the position they're looking to fill.

      My guess is most hiring managers could relay a ton of horror stories!

      If someone is having one bad dating experience after another it's probably time they re-examined their mate selection criteria. Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself. The goal is to learn to become a better shopper!

      The only thing all of your bad relationships have in common is (you).