What is True Love? Is True Love a Choice?

In the search for True Love, how does it change the way we experience True Love if we look at it as a Choice. Something we have chosen for ourselves and not something fate has dictated?

If you have come from my article “Defining what exactly is True Love”, it ended with the statement ‘Love is a choice’. The article also states you need to be your own first true love. Now, we don’t lock eyes with ourselves in the mirror and instantly fall in love. Most of us struggle with this concept and we go in search of love in many places all the while disliking or even hating ourselves. Going looking for love when we don’t have a good sense of our own value leads us to settle and have substandard relationships in which we are unhappy, and in turn confirm our thought we aren’t worth much at all. There is a difference between staring in the mirror at ourselves all day loving the view (narcissism when self-love goes viral) and a healthy love of ourselves.

Love is a choice even when the sparks fly from the first moment you lock eyes with some mysterious stranger across the room, you choose whether or not to go over and talk to them. Feelings are nice and are a part of the experience of love, but it is not start and the end. There are many choices along the way. For example when you feel attracted to somebody as an awkward teenager unable to express yourself appropriately you may have antagonized or annoyed the object of your affection, as you grew up you realized this was ineffective and learnt how to express yourself better, this was a choice.

Every day we make choices to have the most amazing love ever or take each other for granted, treat each other badly and move in different directions.

The feelings don’t remain constant particularly in the monotony of everyday life; we have to actively to show and express love to remind the feelings to resurface. Your action or inaction is within your control to your happiness.

“It is difficult for some people to accept that love is a choice. This seems to run counter to the generally accepted theory of romantic love which expounds that love is inborn and as such requires no more than to accept it.” Leo F. Buscaglia

It is indicative of our society’s search for easy, quick and guaranteed - we look to apply this to love as well, because it is simpler to chalk love up to fate. Love is more dynamic than this and needs care just like anything else, and yes, the ‘W’ word is necessary – Work. Let’s face it if we don’t work for it we don’t appreciate it.

You can practice expressing love to yourself, your friends and family. Somewhere along the line, we have confused love, positive unconditional regard with a physical encounter we love.

Don’t get me wrong sex is an important part of healthy romantic relationship, but love is more than just sex. You probably know you can have sex without love. Most people seem to have forgotten you can have love without sex.

There are more types of love than just romantic love.

Have you seen the story about the wife who asked her husband to carry from the bedroom to front door for thirty days and how it brought them closer? This may be an awkward experience in your relationship and isn’t the action for improving your relationship or rekindling the love.

It can be as simple as choosing to spend time with the person you want to feel loved, this works for everyone from Grandparents to your lover. To choose to really listen, take note, get to know them really well. Physical contact doesn’t have to be sexual, and sometimes it is really appreciate to have contact, which requests nothing. Whether you cook a meal or go out sharing a meal is really special.

Love is doing the best thing possible for the people in your life and making choices to display true love.

Actively choosing to love may seem easy for some possibly because they have been practicing it for a long time. Learning to love truly madly deeply for others may take time to develop for whatever reason, however if you are having a hard time loving, start by loving yourself.

When we consider love is a choice, with associated feelings of euphoria we then are able to stimulate the falling in love experience by doing romantic things for our lover and we have greater control over the love we give and receive. Also by stepping up our treatment of all of the people who are close to us by loving them in the way listed under Agape, in this link we will have better relationships all around.

Even though love is a choice, this does not mean sexual orientation is a choice.

If love is a choice, why do I find it so hard to stop loving and why does it hurt so much to try.