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What is the Dating Etiquette?

Updated on April 3, 2013

There still seems to the universal confusion about the first or maybe second time date. So, you have talked for hours on the phone sensing a real bond and "electricity" between you, then, you meet over coffee for the in-person, face to face, interview (and, that is what it really is). Everyone is always on their best behavior, especially, if both feel a connection- if you have been there, you just "know" it. Assuming the visuals are not a turn off and both find the other attractive enough, then, the first date comes.

I guess it does not matter whether it is a gay date or not, the same question resonates in the back of the parties. Most are NOT thinking sex on the first date, but what does linger is "should I pay"?

This seems to become an issue in straight dates - a man and a woman - if the woman asked the man out on the date, should she pay for it? Equality and all, I say, as a rule of thumb, whomever asks the other out on a date, is the paying party, unless previous or subsequent discussions indicate otherwise. Should the woman even bring up the issue at all? Does the man presume she will pay, or, does she expect him to pay because it is traditional? Should she offer to go "dutch", that is, pay her own way?

It sounds simple but more often than not, both parties do agonize over it and are relieved once it is brought up. I mean, even if the man asks her out on a date, what if the date become expensive to the paying party? Should they suggest going dutch, or, just bite the bullet and pay it? If the issue is brought up, what will the other party think? Will they think negatively about the person who asked them out? Should a party send a signal to the other that they are okay with going dutch or helping with the bill?

As you can see, it suddenly becomes a real issue in the back of their minds. It is a touchy issue and for some, define where the relationship goes or does not go.

I think that if a person asks another out on a date, the person asking, pays, unless, the issue is immediately brought up about going "dutch" (why is it called this?) and agreed to. It should not make a difference if the person asking is male or female.

What do you think?


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