- Gender and Relationships
What is the Secret to a Happy Marriage
For those who have been married for a long time, they share their secrets of happiness . For newlyweds desire to know this truth. And for anyone who wants to build a marriage to last, they want more information. This is an age old question, What is the secret to a happy marriage?
When one enters into marriage, their hopes and dreams go along with it. They want their marriages to work. No one goes into marriage thinking, ok I’ll try this out for a while and if it doesn’t work, I’ll just quit and move on. If they do think this way, they should not be getting married in the first place.
It takes commitment
Every marriage requires a commitment. It is a give and take relationship. Having been married for over 32 years, I can share with you what has worked for me.
Let's begin with by saying, I'm a statistic. I broke all the rules. Getting married at a young age of 18, just out of high school, my marriage was statistically going to fail. All the marriages I knew during those early years of my own marriage ended up in divorce.
My parents were married over 48 years when my father passed away. Having grown up in a household that struggled in many ways, my parents remained together. It was not an easy task for either of them and I can recall memories of my parents arguing which resulted in fights, sometimes insults. Why did it work for them? Needless to say, they found a way to understand each other and it took a commitment.
Communication is Key
Anyone who has been married for any length of time will tell you that communication is important.
Understanding the roles in a marriage is equally important. Each person brings a set of values and opinions to the table. Along with the history of their past experiences, each one interacts differently.
Men and women are unique. They are created differently yet complimentary. It is in understanding how these differences can be linked which form a more perfect union.
Love and Marriage
How to Make a Marriage Built to Last?
Step I - Make a commitment.
This is a commitment to each other and to your marriage. This has to be a common goal for both individuals. Working together, your marriage can be one that lasts.
Step II - Be honest with each other and create a sense of trust.
When trust is broken it may take years to rebuild. Make it a goal to never break trust.
Step III - Communicate openly.
Keeping your emotions under control is one thing, but not communicating your feelings is an entirely different subject. Learn the art of communicating. Effective communication can enable your marriage to weather the storms.
Step IV - Be each other’s best friend.
Who is the first person you go to when you want to share something? Whether something is bothering you or you have a conflict with someone else, who do you turn to? Girlfriends need girlfriends. Having a trusted girlfriend to lean on in those emotional turns is a good thing for any girl to have. This is not ok for a guy to have. Men don’t communicate like that and if a man is turning to another woman to share confidences with, he is heading for trouble. The first person you should turn to is your spouse. Just keep in mind, the best friend theory.
Step V - Make each other a priority.
Life has a way of twisting schedules creating unhealthy demands on a person. Make it a priority to be there for each other first. Other people should understand this. In a wholesome environment, your circle of life is established with God at the center. The next outer ring is each other, then family including children, and then friends or outside interests, like careers. It is important to keep that image in mind when making decisions for your future. Of course, children are important and the demands that are placed on parents are tremendous. Children need a loving foundation to build on and they depend on both parents to create this environment.
Step VI - Spend time together.
Do things you enjoy like creating a special night out for yourself. Make this one of your commitments. It could be as often as once a week but once a month works well for many.
Step VII - Accept each other’s faults.
No one is perfect. Each person enters into a marriage with a set of baggage from their past. People often change, but it is in their own free will and in their own time. Never force a person to change or manipulate them to being the person you expect them to be. This will only harm the relationship in the long run.
Step VIII - Honor the roles of men and women.
The role of every family member varies from person to person and there is no one size fits all. Except for one basic rule, the established role of the husband and wife and this is where it gets tricky. Society states all men are created equal; however man and woman are not the same. The role of the husband is formed as the head of the household, anything less than that will surely crumble the foundation. I know this is not something everyone will agree on, so let me clarify a bit. If a man is suited to run the family, he will be honored. That means, if the man is an abuser, an addict, hateful, or unloving, he is not suited. His first quality is to love and cherish his wife. Cherish means to value her and keep her in high regard. If he is suited right, then his role is to be respected. On the other hand, the woman’s role is entirely different. She is the heart of the family. Women are made distinctively to be warm and caring. As she strives to keep the heart centered within her family, she too will be honored. It is the great circle of love.
Step IX - Share in the responsibility around the house.
It is not uncommon to have both parents working full time jobs. This can cause great strains on any marriage. The role of each household member is a juggling mix. This requires diligence and patient understanding. Sharing in the responsibilities can take on many methods. Sit down and work out a schedule of sorts. This is where open communication is crucial.
It's Your Love
Most importantly - LOVE
Step X - Most important of all is to love one another.
Love is patient and kind. Love holds no wrongs. It doesn’t mislead or misguide, nor does it manipulate or fool.
Love requires hard work and faith. Faith in each other and faith in God to trust everything will work out.
Love is honest and love never gives up. Love sticks by the other individual when all else seems to fail.
Love is forgiving and love is being held accountable.
Love is the greatest part of any good marriage. It will strengthen over time and it will build great rewards.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)