Love and age difference. Does it matter? Can I love a man older than my father?
My husband and me ("the gold digger")
Kids waiting for Dad to see his new exhaust
Car parts for him, a glimpse into the past for me
This is about what my love is really like regardless of what you think you see. My husband turned 62 years old. Throughout that day I looked at my husband to double check his face and his eyes, searching for sadness, or bitterness over younger years flown by. My husband is a laid back Italian man. He is loving and kind, very low maintenance as far as what he needs to be content with life; he worked his way through college got his PhD and is just a real sensible guy; he knows how hard you have to work to be successful so when he wants something like a Rolex he buys it himself. He doesn't wait around for holidays although I wish he would, it sure would make life easier! But I respect that and admire him for knowing what he wants and getting it. The problem lies in the fact that he makes buying gifts for him difficult and I have come accustom to him returning most of what I buy and I no longer take offense when he asks me for receipts.
None the less on this particular day I called him at work and did something I never do, I begged him to hurry home. This sparked his interest and he pulled in exactly when I expected he would. When he pulled into the driveway and saw the kids and I standing by his coveted 1989 5.0 Ford Mustang with 22k miles on it and every conceivable upgrade available (except one) along with the balloons waving around in the wind I could see from where I stood he was perplexed, it did not immediately dawn on him what we were doing and why we were messing with his baby. When it all came together for him and he realized that my gift to him was a brand new set of dual chrome exhaust pipes I was positive this was one gift that would be very much appreciated. For the first time since we met at Starbucks all those years ago, I saw the young man I have always wished I'd had the pleasure to know.
I see through you
I have learned from Ron that when someone is doing something they truly love the age fades away and the young person who came to love cars all those years ago in his fathers garage shines through crystal clear. I also see that young man when he plays with his children, there is something timeless about the way a father holds his daughter, whether he is 21 or whether he is 61 and a 1/2.
A man and his daughter
It feels like...
Two very close friends of mine asked me how it felt to me that Ron was 62. I guess that is a similar question to the one I hear most often, "what is it like to be with a man so much older"? Being with a man 22 years older than me feels like sunshine on a freezing cold day. It feels like finding home after being lost for many years. Being with a man who is 22 years older than me is like having all my cracks, unhappiness, scars and heartbreak filled in and repaired by something really sweet that never gets tiresome. It's like finding your favorite snack untouched and perfect every time you have that craving and nothing else will satisfy it. It is like every other love that every other person who has ever been in love feels regardless of their age. It feels like the kind of perfect no other person can influence or manipulate. It is him and I and our children in our own little world that we created together. Ours like all marriages has it's ups and downs. We have good days and bad days. We say things we don't mean and don't say things we should but we always manage to end up on the same side when it counts. We support each other in our triumphs and we support each other in our failures. It is not easy to see eye to eye all the time with someone who is so much older. Sometimes conversations are hard and seeing things from each others perspective is a battle, I'm not going to sugar coat the challenges we face, but every marriage faces challenges.
Holding my head high & brushing my shoulders off
I don't let peoples stares or assumptions that I am a gold digger upset me. I have learned to accept that people will continue to mistake him for my Dad or our children's Grandfather. I laugh those things off now when before they hurt me. Sometimes I correct people sometimes I do not, depends on my mood. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my love for Ron, or his love for me. He is every bit of right I could have ever hoped for. Besides him being so much older makes me feel young and vibrant, he always tells me how beautiful I am and I feel good that; he is proud to have me as his wife. Being wanted is the best turn on I can think of and having your man appreciate and worship you never hurt a gal either!
Anyone else out there that is in a similar situation I hope I have given you confidence. Not all loves look the same or are the same age, not every younger woman with an older man is a gold digger. I hope people learn to judge others based on something with more substance than what you see on the outside. Never let other people's hang ups or insecurities make you feel inferior. Come to terms with the fact that some people will never get it, some people will never stop being grossed out by the age difference and you will never stop being called a "Gold Digger" until you are to old for anyone to care lol by then you won't care either!
If you are in a similar marriage with a person who is substantially older than you please feel free to reach out to me, I would love to hear your story and meet other people in my same situation. My next article will probably be on how children handle having one parent who is much older than the parents of their peers, but that's a whole other topic for another day.
Just a glimpse into some of our life together....
© 2014 Karen Ranoni