What it is Like to Miss Your Boyfriend
I Miss You
Maybe it's the first time you are away from your boyfriend, or maybe it's been multiple times. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable to miss someone and you wonder if others on this planet feel the same when their partner is gone. When you miss someone your mind will drift toward them. As for a boyfriend, you'll wonder how his day is going, what he is doing with his time, and if he misses you.
You might go to bed wondering if he'll be thinking about you. Missing someone can be the moment you realize you like someone, it can be a moment of madness, and it can be wretchedly lonely.
You know you miss someone when you start going through your brain looking for memories. You may ask yourself how long it's been since you've seen them. You might not be able to communicate with them due to obstacles in the way, whether distance, meetings, or other obligations. Sometimes going outside and to the places you've been doesn't help because it just reminds you of them. You may look around your home and find things that remind you of them, or even television shows.
You'll do well to forget about him at times and keep yourself busy. You have a great boyfriend if they don't leave you in the air hanging. He'll send you messages throughout the day and check in with you. He'll also be nice to let you know he misses you too.
When you miss someone, it's okay to admit it. Let the emotions and thoughts go through you. This is a good time to be introspective, to do things you don't normally get the chance to do, it also gives you time to ask yourself if it's all worth missing the person anyway.
Do you really feel strongly about this person or are you just lonely? Maybe a combination of both?
It's normal to miss someone. In general, if you haven't seen your family and close friends in awhile it might make you feel homesick. When the person you are close with is gone it can feel weird to have distance. You may feel like you don't have your friend to tell your best secrets, you don't have someone to hold your hand, and you don't have someone to go see the new, latest and greatest movie. One of the great parts about a relationship is sharing your interests and self -- it can make you feel congested when you don't have your partner there to support you. You may want to see them because they make you happy, they know how to have fun with you, and they know how to make the most out of things.
Ways You Can Cope With Missing Someone
If you have to part with your favorite person for a month, there are a few things you can do to make the wait better. Don't pout and go crazy nor blow off all your friends. You need to enjoy yourself by yourself as much as you do with someone. If you don't enjoy and keep building yourself up, how do you expect to treat a relationship right? Make sure you feel good in your own skin before getting lost with your man.
- Make a list of things you've always wanted to finish but haven't. Watch new movies, read books, play video games. Do what you can to take this time and richen your life.
- Hang out with your friends! Go hang out with those boogers. Go out for dinner, play some games in the park, chat it up, have fun. Your friends would love to see you. Having a tough time making friends? Try taking a class in something you would enjoy like pottery, cooking, dancing, photoshop, robotics -- whatever it is you secretly want to take, take it now.
- Go see your family. Has it been so long since you've seen your mom that you're not sure what could be her hairstyle? That rule doesn't apply to everybody, but going and hanging out with family, the people who have always known you, can be a good way to spend time.
- Try meditation. See how well you can calm your thoughts, think about peace, pray, do some yoga. Really cleanse and take care of yourself. Buy new things for a hot bath, drink tea, go for a walk, listen to calming, soothing music. Eat chocolate like no one is watching you. Soak up in the beauty of you.
- Clean your house. Hey, now that one of your favorite people is off on an adventure, it's time for you to make everything as clean as possible. Vacuum, mop the floors, dust off the television set, Lysol everything, clean the fridge, rearrange your closet, trim the cat's nails, remove stains from your shower, change your sheets -- seriously you could clean for days. How many dishes are in your sink? There are never ending chores. Never. Ending. Chores.
- Start a creative venture. Have you been dreaming of writing a novel? Painting a masterpiece? Now is the time to start on a long term project. One that you can turn to when you need to be distracted. One you can accomplish when no one else is looking. Invest in your future by delving into your mind and creative interests. Try using that brilliant imagination of yours.
- Hang out with the dog or cat. Also, you could get a dog or cat, but you may want to discuss that with your boyfriend too.
- Try to go to new places in town. Have you heard of a new hot spot that you haven't gotten to try? Go to places that you can take him to later to show off a new corner of the world. Don't be afraid to see what your town has to offer. Try parks, downtown areas, cafes, museums, the mall, concert halls, universities, bridges, churches, towers, restaurants, and bars. There has to be something you have never experienced in your town that is super cool.
- Buy yourself something that you have always wanted but were too chicken to try. Want to dye your hair lavender? Maybe you should try sky diving. I mean, at least it'll be an interesting story when he gets back.
- Spend time learning about your favorite things whether fashion, a new language, cars, sports, or dinosaurs.
How to Let Him Know You Missed Him
It's all too easy to not tell someone you miss them. It's also easy to suffocate them in letting them know you missed them. It's best to tell someone you miss them when it's reciprocated -- so going 100% on them might not be the best call. It could confuse or make them feel like they are not on the same level. There are a number of ways you can tell someone you miss them... whether directly... or in more subtle ways.
- When you finally spend time together, give him a long hug goodbye so he knows his presence was missed.
- Send them excited messages when you know he is back. Keep the focus on how excited you are to see him, not how you've been blue since he's been gone. Focus on how happy it will all be, and he'll be happy to see you at the end of the journey.
- Buy him a gift. It doesn't need to be the most fancy thing in the entire world, but do spend a little bit of cash on him to let him know you thought of him.
- You could also use your talents and make him a gift that he'll want to keep. This could save you money and also be more personal.
- Be openly weird about it. Sometimes guys like girls who are comfortable about their weirdness, so own it, deal with it -- sometimes what you think is weird is actually charming.
- Go old fashioned and write him a letter. Make it a wonderful read that he'll want to keep forever, or a pretty long time.
- Take him to his favorite things. Take him to see the movie he has been dying to see, go to his favorite restaurant, buy him his favorite beer, compliment him the way he likes, smile. Be happy.
- Do something totally insane. Like get into his apartment. And cover it. In teddy bears. This probably only works for some guys. Some might be flattered! ;)
- Do a happy dance when you see them and smile a ton -- from ear to ear.
- Get musical and write him your own song.
Questions You May Have about Missing Someone
It's okay to have questions when it comes to matters of love. It's okay to have questions in general! Sometimes bringing those questions into the public can be scary. You have to make a wise decision on what questions will get you a good answer and what questions will confuse him.
Here are some common questiona and answers about missing someone.
Q: If I miss someone, does that mean I'm in love?
A: Not necessarily. You could very well be in love, but missing someone alone doesn't qualify. Sometimes we miss people for their connection, but sometimes we miss them only because we're lonely, desperate, or worried. If you love them, you'll be excited for their return, you'll be happy for their adventure (if it is a happy adventure), and you'll be more selfless than selfish. Consider what you would want to say to them when they get home. Do you want to tell them how sad you were, or do you have a strong desire to hug them? Consider what feelings you are having and explore them. Also, if you are in a healthy relationship, you should be able to talk about these things openly.
Q: When you miss someone is it normal to have fantasies?
A: Absolutely. All kinds. Your brain is trying to fill the absence, so it may actually feel like your boyfriend never left and is always with you. Your brain may also drift, daydream, and the like.
Q: Is it normal to cry a lot when you miss someone?
A: That depends, really. Why are you crying? What is the context? If you cry whenever your boyfriend is gone for a week, that could mean there is a larger issue. Being gone for that long shouldn't rock your world that much every time. If he is gone for six months, there is no way that shouldn't effect your emotions at some point, especially if you don't get to see him at all during that time. Context is everything.
Q: What if he doesn't miss me?
A: Don't go overboard. This could be another thing you could chalk up to context. He should miss you if he hasn't seen you for six months. He might not miss you so much when he's gone for one week every once in awhile. He probably should say he missed you, but he might let it slip and be too honest. Don't give him a hard time about it, just focus on how you felt while he was gone. Try to keep it lighthearted. If your boyfriend never misses you ever... something is kind of weird.
Q: Is long distance a natural part of all relationships?
A: No. And some people really are not designed for it. For a lot of people, distance is the kiss of death. Others can make it work. But it is not a necessary, required part of any relationship. Sometimes people get called to different jobs, they have family issues, or they go to a school in another state. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you, but you should tread carefully. Is he really worth it to wade through the distance?
Q: What if I enjoy him being gone and don't miss him at all?
A: This is normal. Sometimes when your man is gone, it is nice to take a breather. Especially, if you have been in a relationship for awhile. Sometimes when your man goes on a week vacation, you can breathe a little... and he can too. In the words of my favorite comedian Demetri Martin, relationships are a lot like eyebrows. They are best with space.