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What Men Don't Want In A Woman

Updated on May 20, 2019

First off, a woman asked me to write this.

She asked me the age-long question: What exactly do you men want in us?

Then I started to think about it. Of course, so many books have been written on what men want—from women. And many more will still be written on that particular issue. She knows it. I know it. We all know it.

But yet she asked.

So I decided to do it differently this time.

I said to myself, “why not tell her what men don’t want?”

If you look at it closely, when most people—both men and women—complain about (their) relationships, it is usually complaints about what they don’t want or things they want that they are not getting.

People rarely complain when the going is good.

So based on that premises, I decided to set off.

So, here it is.

Togetherness is achievable.
Togetherness is achievable. | Source

These are some of the things that men often do complain that they don’t want in a relationship.

Of course, this can never be the comprehensive list of what men don’t want in a relationship. Let’s just say it’s like a summarized thought of mine designed to just paint a generalized picture for you. But one thing is sure: it is not all there is to it on the issue of what men want or don’t want in a woman.

Besides, different men will always have different taste, and I can never claim to have the ability to speak for all men, I hope you know that?


So like I stated earlier, this is just like painting a generalized view on the subject of the matter. I hope you get the idea now?

Good and fine.

So, here we go.

These are the things men don’t want in a girl they are in a relationship with…


In case you don’t know, a hustler is a prostitute. I choose the word ‘hustler’ just to euphemize the whole situation but let us not miss the point.

So, yes, most men in general don’t want to do anything with a hustler.


Don’t be.

Because this is the gospel truth.

If you are a hustler, or you’ve been a hustler, or you have the hustler’s tendency in you, or your friends are hustlers, and you still want to be in his life, please, please, please my dear sister, do as much as you can to keep that knowledge so far away from your guy.

Guys don’t want that.

Hustlers: Never in a man's plan!
Hustlers: Never in a man's plan! | Source

Guys are constantly on the lookout for any sign or suggestion that shows that you can be unfaithful, and in most cases, making that fast connection between being a loose woman and infidelity is never that difficult for guys.

If you think I don’t know what I am saying, then pay a closer attention to how most guys react when they find out that their partner is cheating on them.

They don’t just take such a situation or development very kindly.

I don’t really know why it is so, but then, it is what it is.

Female boss

Yeah right.

It is not your fault that you always want to have the last word. It is not your own making that you always feel like dishing out orders and getting things done your own way.


Just have it at the back of your mind that men don’t just like that.

It’s true. No man wants a female boss. It is a man’s thing to always feel like he’s in control. You just have to learn or figure out how to let him have that feeling.

Take it from me, although they may never admit it to you but the truth is that most men are very sensitive about being disrespected. And whenever you try to boss him around, he sees that as you disrespecting him.

Yeah, it could be tough for you to manage situations like that. I know. But then again, no one says it’s practically impossible to do that.

In fact, one easy way I have discovered—which actually works on most people, not just guys only—is to make your command seem like a suggestion.

So instead of telling your man, “John, I want us to buy that car” you can say something like, “Johnny dear, are we never ever gonna get that car?”

You see, you’re still saying the same thing but the manner of approach is what makes the difference.

Listen. Your man may not really complain—at least, in your presence—that he doesn’t like the way you try to boss him around most of the time, but that doesn’t mean he’s okay with that at all.

So beware.


An idiot is simply someone who doesn’t have a mind of his or her own. An idiot lacks initiative. Always waiting to be told what to do, what to say, how to act or behave.

An idiot can never make any positive contribution to solve a problematic situation at hand.

An idiot cannot differentiate between jokes or joking moments and when a situation really calls for some seriousness. An idiot has a big problem in understanding that there's time for everything. An idiot wastes all available resources—without giving much thought about tomorrow.

And even worse still, an idiot can be easily confused, deceived or tempted.

An idiot is a danger unto himself and unto others who may have to suffer as a result of their dumb actions which is why any reasonable guy will not want to have anything to do with an idiot.

So, are you an idiot? Does certain actions of yours when you are with him do portray you in any way as an idiot?

Think about it.

Sex object

To most guys, a sex object is a simply any female who truly believes all a man wants—in his life—is sex. She believes that all a man can possibly want from her is nothing but sex!

Now, the truth is that men do want sex from women but no man wants only sex from his partner. Most especially, from a woman he really really wants in his life.

I know that can be confusing at times, going by the extent some men do go just to get some piece of action.

But here’s the problem with presenting yourself to the man as a sex object.

You are disrespecting yourself and at the same time, limiting yourself thus closing off other important or interesting qualities of yours, that he might be interested in.

Thou shall never ever let a man see you as a sex object.
Thou shall never ever let a man see you as a sex object. | Source

At the same time, you are also making him to appear as a very vain and superficial person who has only one purpose—or need—in life!

Sex is okay but don’t ever let your relationship with your guy be just about sex.

It is very dangerous.

Always try to let the man see some of your other good qualities.

Believe it or not, most men, most especially when it comes to relationships, are really interested in seeing those good qualities of yours.

And you know what?

The more of such good qualities you have; the better…

Physical laziness

Similar to being mentally dull, I don’t think there are so many men out there who are very comfortable being in a relationship with a physically lazy woman.

You need to put some energy in your life.

Keeping fit is your goal.
Keeping fit is your goal. | Source

You don’t have to just be comfortable with just sitting down in one place, watching TV and expecting those house chores and errands to run themselves.


Get active. Every now and then, try and engage yourself in some type of physical activities that will make you break out in sweat as well as keep your heart pumping the blood all over your body. Keep fit. Hit the gym if you need to. You don’t even have to do if for him. Do it for yourself too.

Because it pays…


It has been said that men cannot focus on so many things at the same time.

Being a talkative is just one sure way to distract a man’s attention or interrupt his thoughts.

Your ability to be blabbing virtually all the time coupled with your inability to realize that your man actually wants to focus on something else different from what you are telling him at that particular time is never going to make you look so great in his eyes as his partner.

Granted, they say what keeps relationship going is communication. But I don’t think disturbance and good communication can ever be the same thing.

You have to be able to recognize when you are disturbing him, no matter how interesting you think your stories or the conversation really is.

At that point, the best thing to do is to simply back off.

Now, here’s the trick. If you think you really want to keep talking to him because you just love hearing your own voice or maybe, you have this insatiable urge or need to be talking to someone all the time, then learn to talk to him about things that actually interests him, most of the time.

What then interests him?

Are you asking me?

You have to find out for yourself. That’s why you're his partner for Christ sakes.


Well, we all do enjoy some juicy gossips at times, I know.

So if we actually enjoy gossips, why then will I say that men don’t want to be with a gossip?

You see, the thing with being a gossip is that they can hardly keep any secret.

There’s every possibility that what they are gossiping to you about others, they are equally gossiping to others certain things about you.

You can’t just trust them with your own secrets.

And that’s a very dangerous trait to find in someone whom you really want to be with in a relationship.


Being crazy can actually be a good thing for you. We often define being crazy as spontaneous, vigorous, adventurous, fun loving, stylish, boisterous, unrestrained, free spirited, hippie, passionate, eccentric, going with the flow, and all that

The problem is being too crazy.

Please control your craze.
Please control your craze. | Source

No matter the level of craziness you have inside of you, you just have to learn where and when to apply the brakes!

That is what actually differentiates you from being a crazy but very likable person who can always be trusted to be able to keep it together and being a crazy but obnoxious, wild and highly unstable person that no one in his right senses, will actually want to have anything to do with.

Never you completely lose your head.

Men don’t want that at all!

Trouble maker

One thing going for men all over the world is that most guys lead a very simple life.

Nothing can be truer than that!

No guy wants to be with a woman who is going to complicate his life in any imaginable way.

Maybe it’s true and it’s not actually your fault that trouble follows you everywhere you go. Maybe it is your luck that someone is always picking on you or you are picking on someone at any given time. Maybe you are the type of person who finds it very difficult to just let sleeping dogs lie…

Whatever the situation is really with you, just have it at the back of your mind that the guy you are with does not like the drama.

That’s men for you.

Just keep it simple.


Well, this is not even about men only. I don’t think there’s anyone out there who really wants to be in a relationship with a selfish partner.

But that doesn’t mean we don’t have so many selfish people out there.

You see, you may be caught up in yourself so much that you may not even be able to recognize the selfish instinct in you… sometimes, even when it is pointed out to you.

There are so many women out there who believe—or should I say—who think that everything in the relationship is all about them. These women have this idea that the world revolves around them. It’s always about what they want; how much effort the man is putting in to make sure they are happy.

And it is not so difficult to get lost in that maze of selfish attitude once the pattern sets in; most especially when it seems everyone else out there is doing exactly just that.

But the onus falls on you as an individual in that particular relationship, to occasionally question yourself to find out if you are actually being selfish in your demands from him or not. You have to also make it a habit of asking yourself how much of reciprocating am I doing on my own part to keep him happy too?

So there you have it.

If you ask me to summarize this whole discussion, I will just say this:

Men are simple and straightforward. Men don’t want… don’t like… don’t want to deal with a complicated lifestyle.

Can you, as a woman who really loves and wants to be in this man's life, just learn to keep it that way?

Well, that’s for you to decide.

I’m out.


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