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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
What to Do When Your Man Lies to You
Types of lies and what you should after you find out that he lied to you
When you get into a relationship you expect complete honesty but we are naturally fallible so we are bound to stray a bit or even a lot at some point and we eventually get trapped by our own lies.
Lies can lead to distrust and resentment. Sometimes his lying habits can drive you into snooping through his things and spying on him. When your man tells you the truth the implications is that he trusts you and respects you enough to be honest with you. An honest man is easy to deal with since he means what he says and says what he means so you do not have to waste time, emotions and even money on meaningless detective tactics.
Lies are not equal. Some lies are more serious than others. Some lies are just once-off and might not mean anything while some could go deep down to the fundamental values of a relationship and would sometimes even be part of a person's personality.
- White Lies
These lies are so harmless that you might not even be bothered when the truth surfaces. Like when a woman asks a man if he liked a meal and he says it was perfect even when it was bad. He just doesn't want to hurt her feelings. A lie like that isn't a big deal. Is it?
- Deep Lies
Deep lies go to the root of the relationship. Like someone having an affair. Or having a secret child somewhere. Or lying about his source of income. It's a deal-breaker. This is a lie that could change everything. It's a lie that means you have to make psychological adjustments if you have to keep on dating. If you were married it might result to a divorce. For instance, a man lying about about being married. Deep lies cannot be handled casually. Sometimes you might even involve professionals to advice you on what to do.
- Made-Up Stories
A false rumour created by your man has hints of betrayal in it. When you are involved with such a person you could end up questioning where you stand with him because he's not loyal to you and is therefore definitely your enemy. For instance someone spreading rumours about you being sacked at work when he knows you resigned. Or telling people that you are having an affair, or that you've been using drugs while you haven't. It's very difficult to keep up with someone like that. He definitely is out to damage your reputation and is most probably jealous of you.
- Compulsive Lying
This type will lie about anything and everything. There's no truth that will ever come out of his lips. He's going to lie about when he woke up, when he took tea, when he left for work - if he left for work, when he came back home, if he has an affair or not, if he has a child, if he has ever been married, if he smokes, if he has ever been jailed, might even lie about his parent dying (while he/she is still alive). He just doesn't have a limit to what he can or can't lie about. "Habitual", "pathological" are words used to describe compulsive lying.
What should you do when you catch your man in a lie?
- You first have to look at it from his angle and find out what his intention was. Sometimes a man can lie just to protect a woman from a truth and if she feels it was a bad move but the end justifies the means that means they are okay. Like if he invited her to his mother's place and the mother did not like her but he never told his lady then he definitely did not want to hurt her and that should be a great thing when a man cares about his woman's feelings.
- If he kept a truth that concerns you because of his own selfish interests then you should worry. Like not telling you that he is raising a child. Or that he is still married. Or not telling you the real reason why he got divorced. Once you find out the truth you should make it clear to him how you'd appreciate if he has truthful about himself. If you keep on bumping into more surprising lies about him then you need to think twice about being involved with him.
- Find out if he's a compulsive liar. A compulsive liar will never change. Remember that's someone who's lying into his adulthood. His lying ways are very deep-rooted. It's just who he is. If you realise that your man lies about even the unimportant issues you should know that you are involved with a compulsive liar and you shouldn't hope that he will one day change because he will not. Women are sometimes obsessed with "fixing" men but you really cannot fix a compulsive liar. He was literally born to lie and if that's the case you have to decide if you will quit the relationship or accept him as he is and keep up with his lies.