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What Women Need to Know About Men

Updated on September 7, 2012

It is just the plain truth, men and women are different. One of the difficult challenges of a relationship is understanding that a man's perspectives on the things are physiologically different than those of a woman. Not only do men act differently, they think differently.

Men that I have talked to about this subject are often frustrated because women expect them to think like women. Women wonder why just he can't open up and share his emotions. As women our feelings come easily, and too often we assume that men can express their emotions in a similar way. Because a man does not always openly express his emotions, women too often feel that his ‘unavailability' is intentional, that his silence as an unwillingness to open up. Men are actually full of thoughts and feelings, but unable to meet the standards that too many put on them to openly communicate them.

Is it possible men simply have different wiring than women and that they simply do not recognize or express their emotions as naturally as women? Yes!!

Research shows it takes men many hours longer than women to process complex emotional data. When men do identify their feelings, do they lack the ability to talk about them easily? Sometimes!

These traits of a man do not make him wrong or bad, just different than women. And I for one am glad they are different! What a boring world this would be if we all thought the same, felt the same, and reacted to life the same. Ugh!

Women need to have more understanding of the wiring of men vs. women. Here is a list of a few things I have heard men say they wish women understood about them:

Men would rather not be loved at all than feel inadequate and disrespected. Men desire and need to know that their women respect them privately and publicly. Men thrive when they know that their sweethearts trust them, admire them, and believe in them. Men are driven by respect and admiration where women are more driven by the emotional things.

Men often response with anger when they feel disrespected. When a man becomes angry with his lover, he may not come out and say, "You've disrespected me!" But, there is a good chance that he is feeling stung by something done towards him that he considered disrespectful and humiliating.

Men do have insecurities too. Men have insecurities about their performance in life and relationships as well as at work. They may never tell anyone this, but they are secretly vulnerable. How does a woman help change the insecurity to confidence? Affirmation and Compliments! To men, affirmation from their wives or girlfriends means everything! If they don't receive this positive feedback, they will seek it elsewhere. When they receive regular and genuine positive attention and compliments from their wives, they tend to become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.

Men are conquerors and providers. Intellectually, it doesn't matter how much income man makes, or whether or not his wife makes more or less money in her career. Men innately bear the emotional burden of being the provider. It is not a choice; it is just the way that men are wired. It is never far from their minds and can sometimes make a man feel trapped. Women can help her man by giving him healthy doses of appreciation, encouragement, and support. But a man can tell if the appreciation, encouragement and support is not genuine. It must come from her heart.

Men want more sex. Everyone's natural response to this is probably, "Duh!" We assume that men want more sex with their wives due to their physical wiring. But, surprisingly, research shows that men want more sex is because of their strong need to be desired by their wives as well as it is a man's deepest way to show his emotional love. It is the ultimate in their expression of their love to their lover. Men just like women, simply need to be wanted. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a man's sense of feeling loved and desired. Men have a physiological need for the sexual release. The same for women, physical sexual release will release endorphins into the brain thus stimulating happiness, euphoria and satisfaction. When men feel their wives desire them sexually, it has a profound effect on the rest of their lives. It gives them an increasing sense of confidence and well-being that carries over into every other area of his life. The flipside of this coin also carries a profoundly negative effect. When a husband feels rejected sexually, he not only feels his wife is rejecting him physically, but that she is somehow rejecting his life as a husband, provider, and man. This is why making sex a priority in marriage is so incredibly important!

Men enjoy romance, but are not completely sure how to be. Many men appear to be unromantic clods, but it doesn't mean that they choose to be that way! They want to be romantic, but they just are unsure of their ability to pull it off in a way that will be pleasing to the woman. They are deterred by the risk of humiliation and failure. Wives can do a great deal to increase their man's confidence in their romantic skills by encouragement and redefining what is romantic. For example, a wife may refuse when her husband asks her to go along to the hardware store, but it's likely that he's asking because he sees it as a time they can get away as a couple and hang out together. What's not romantic about that? (According to a man's way of thinking!)

Men do care about their wife's appearance. This isn't saying that all men want their wives to look like the a supermodel. What men really want is to know that their wives are making an effort to take care of themselves because it matters to her man! Husbands appreciate the efforts their wives make to maintain their attractiveness. Just the same as a woman appreciates that her husband desires to be in shape and keeping up his appearance for her.

Men want their wives to know how much they love them. Men may not be the best at expressions of love whether it be verbally or by actions, but they truly desire that their sweetheart knows how much they love her. Men express their love in different ways than women. Remember earlier it was said that men are providers, which is an expression of his love to his woman, by providing a home, a car, money for food and bills, etc. Caring for the car and keeping it running smoothly is another expression of his love, he wants her to be safe on the road! Mowing the lawn, upkeep on the house, doing the ‘honey do' list, are all ways he is striving to do things that please her and make her proud of him. Women need to understand this and acknowledge their appreciation of these deeds!


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    • profile image

      Schadenfreudian 3 years ago

      Sadly, both sexes are bombarded with an entertainment system that has co-opted some of the most egregious axioms of radicalized (anti-male) feminism.

      To wit: In a new show, "Blackish," the advertisement for it goes like this...

      Male looks earnestly into his wife's eyes, while in the kitchen, while she fiddles around with something in her purse or on the counter, and says, "I love you for the things you do." His wife smiles, almost sympathetically, and responds, "And I love you for all the things you don't do."

      With sincerety, I have to confess that all of this brings me to near-tears. It's so sad that our culture has created a population of depressed, lonely and marginalized men and boys, along with a huge number of women who couldn't give a crap about the feelings of the males around them, just their own. Worse, national legislation comes rolling down the pipe one after the other, reassuring females that they are feckless, while delivering the message to men that they are criminal rapists who can't control primal emotions, nor do anything right.

      The place to start making amends is within relationships, as this article details. Let's hope that the rational, genuinely loving among us begin to turn around what appears to be an emotionally nihilist ship of state before it lurches into the shoals.

    • profile image

      Ruth 5 years ago

      A question. My boyfriend never compliments me on my good appearance but friends and workmates do. Its like he believes that not saying anything an affirmation that appearance is okay How can I encourage him to express appreciation for the efforts I make to remain attractive and not to only comment on faults seen?

    • profile image

      Ahjii Rush 5 years ago

      combattilavostra Is absolutely correct from my perspective as a man. However, I also agree with the perspective of "Men would rather not be loved at all than feel inadequate and disrespected."

      Ladies, men cannot be generalized just as much as women cannot. Each man is a different man as each person is different in their own individual likes & dislikes from the perspective of ego.

      On a lighter note, I am what you will call a male lesbian. I like alot of the things women like, however, I do like women too. :)

    • profile image

      ExoticHippieQueen 5 years ago

      All true! But even after keeping all of these points in mind, men will do what men will do, and there is no having any kind of control over the outcome. You can only love them the best that you can, and the rest is out of your control.

    • profile image

      Linda 5 years ago

      My husband left me because he said after 23 years of marriage the last two I showed no affirmation! I wish I read this 3 years ago before he sat on the couch depressed for two years after 3 surgeries later now my marriage is gone!

    • profile image

      combattilavostra 5 years ago

      What women need to know about men more than anything is to stay with a man you must learn how to be genuine and have a personality to back it up. This flaky crap that what must be nearing the majority of women indulge in is your fastest route to a being dumped or divorced. There is a sense of self-delusional that is taught to little girls well into adulthood that gives them this idea that they are better than what they really to unreasonable extremes. This seems to lead to an overall sense of dishonesty about reality as it applies to them and insincerity when in touches on real or upsetting matters.

      The reason why women feel so emotion I suspect is because they are taught since young to see the world in terms of fantasy. Men, and many men are badly abused in many forms in the process of being taught this, are left to see this with more humility and sense or the consequence is being punished endlessly. I feel very emotional at time and that likely travels in my brain at the same rate of any woman. However, I have for a number of decades WITHHELD the expression of extreme emotions in the presence of people who I do not know and cannot trust to be vulnerable around. No offense, but the fact that many women do not heed to such levels of discretion are why many in their 20's have gotten raped while partying. Women seem to operate on premises that disconnect cause and effect to a far greater degree than do the median of men.

      This and many things like it are why it is so hard for men to get along for decades at a time with one woman and vice versa. Women seem to have a privileged and cushy world view that necessitates that respect and emotional transparency be granted to them as a given. Well, at least the crazy and insensible women seem to operate with those kinds of idea.

      There can be much learned from the openness of feeling and emotional expression that women retain as dynamic skill sets. However, this old version of femininity that is still taught is not nearly as adaptive as the personality and ideas that are taught to boys and men. What was taught to me was not very pretty but useful and necessary to understand what I was dealing with when I went into the world as an adult.

      But, I think more than anything the conflict comes from women basing their behavior on emotion and foofy ideals at times when men would never dream of such things. Additionally, we DO NOT WANT illusions and magic from you women. Young, stupid, and childish boy-men/male children say we want you to be a temptress. What real adult men want is a freaking partner who does not need to be tutored on reality and can give perspective where we lack at times. We want a friend and a love. But, if you cannot hold the relationship together on your end when sex, romance, and lovey dovey things are taken away then your relationship with any man will not last. You have to be a peer and a friend and then a lover. Not the other way around.

    • profile image

      Paul 6 years ago

      Mary D-

      Thank you for this thoughtful and insightful article. I serve as a pastor and often find myself helping men to navigate the world of women and vice versa. The insights you shared are all spot on. I think many men would resonate with the comment that sex is not just about physiological release but also about wanting to feel desired. well put. Thanks again for sharing these points.

    • yssubramanyam profile image

      yssubramanyam 6 years ago from india, nellore. andhrapradesh

      women must know that man gets tempted/stimulated under the influence of opposite sex. his desire is momentary. in real life a man who compares the partner with beauty of heaven, he sees devil in the same partner over a period of time. man looses attraction in partner and become inert after 50 years, tends for /opt for change. stimulates with change, but inert with same partner. a man in the beginning is not same after 10 years. how ever the man with self esteem and true to self will over come this phenomenon.

    • MaryD profile image

      MaryD 6 years ago

      Melly, I am very much a woman and I wrote this article!

    • profile image

      Melly 6 years ago

      This article is so not written by a woman.

    • profile image

      Holbrooknun 6 years ago

      My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 yrs or there a bouts. For a large amount of that time he has been unable to 'perform'. He has seen a Dr and has been prescribed tablets to combat this but he won't take them. I am beginning to feel undesirable and unloved. Although I can't imagine what he is feeling? Whether scared they won't work or they won't return him to how he used to be? HELP!!!

    • profile image

      ExoticHippieQueen 6 years ago

      OK, then, men really do think differently than women! Men want more sex than women? Depends on the man. I know many deadbeat husbands, haha. Great hub!

    • wonderful1 profile image

      Sheila Varga Szabo 6 years ago from Southern California

      Great insight, and useful tips to understanding how men think. It would make women's lives a lot easier if they passed out a handbook in school or something. Thanks for the Hub!

    • profile image

      eve imetiku 6 years ago

      Men will always be men no matter how hard you try,you can't satisfied them

    • profile image

      I don't know what to do 6 years ago

      I have this problem where my fiancé is 3 years younger than me. I have a job and she is still in art school. She has loads of college friends and I have a few work acquaintances. I constantly feel like I'm being put second to her friends. This past Thanksgiving, her parents told her they didn't want her around for thanksgiving and she was so upset. I was going to visit my family while she visited her's because her parents and I don't get along so well. She came crying to me and after not seeing my family since August, I skipped out on Thanksgiving with them for her. I stayed up till 4:30 in the morning comforting her. I didn't get one thank you, but I didn't do it for thanks, I did it because I love her. She went back to college on Monday, told one of her guys friends, whom I have told her I was jealous of, about her parents telling her not to come home, and he offered to take her out for their own little Thanksgiving, just the 2 of them and she was so happy and excited and telling me just how wonderful he was. Am I terrible for getting angry?

    • profile image

      me 6 years ago

      the sad thing about this article is the fact it is true, however is not reciprocated most of the time...women are just left holding the need all this shit to function and feel validated and so do women but when we need it ..we are needy selfish and emotional.....being single is less of a's all constant games....can't be too huggy can't be too sexy can't be too concerned but better take care of yourself go to the gym if he's not feeling loved he'll look for it somewhere else well guess what women are doing it to looking for it somewhere else and I used to think geez what happen to all the good woman these unreachable expectations are exactly what happened....

    • profile image

      JuJo 7 years ago

      In the book Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson you'll find this and much more on marriage. I asure you it will do miracles in your marriage or relationship! My husband & I are part of a group of couples reading this book and we're seeing great things happening in our marriages!

    • profile image

      Tabby 7 years ago

      This is an eye-opener to me. Things will never be the same again in my marriage.

    • profile image

      Jay 7 years ago

      As a man, I can only say, If only more women recognized some of the things you say here! (I'm sure men misunderstand women plenty, also.)

      For example, I've so often heard women say, "What difference does it make how I look? He should love me for the inner me." Well, how would you react if your husband quit his job and started spending all his time at the bar, and then said, "What difference does it make how much money I make or how much I drink? She should love me for the inner me."

      On another of your points, someone once said that a woman needs to be wanted while a man wants to be needed. I think there's a lot of truth in that. To a man, it is important that he is achieving, contributing something, accomplishing something. But it seems to me that women are more concerned about being loved and wanted then respected and needed.

    • profile image

      Zed 7 years ago

      My husband wil tell me that he lover me when i complain that he doesn't. He talks less, he doesn't provide, he doesn't take me out, he buys me gifts after i complain that he doesn't and comes out in defence of his negligence. Does he love me?

    • profile image

      fred 7 years ago

      cicaa - you jumped the gun telling the dude that you have feelings for him ... bad idea ... let him initiate and pursue ... "he makes me feel like he loves me" - oh what nonsense - he just loves kissing and touching your body - cut out the fooling around and see if he sticks around - if he loves you enough to get to know you.

    • profile image

      ahmad 7 years ago

      As a man, i strongly agree with the point mentioned above that men would rather not to be loved at all than feel disrespected and not enough. It is so true!

    • profile image

      Bluntz 7 years ago

      This is honestly dead on when it comes

      to how us men feel about relationships and maintaining a desire for eachother

    • profile image

      JourneyOne 7 years ago

      So different yet we desire the same emotional necessities. God or the spiritual power you may believe in is like a child with an ant farm watching to see who will figure it out.

      Love between men and women first starts with love of self regardless of gender. We all have inherant behavior instilled within us since our existance came to be. There is no one broad answer or silver bullet. THE BOTTOMLINE IS GOOD RELATIONSHIPS TAKE WORK AND UNDERSTANDING. I am of the belief that the keys to the doors of the future are discovered by unlocking and understanding your past and empowering yourself to create the life you seek to embrace.

      It is a journey of brutal honesty. We all have images and experiences that have shaped and groomed our thinking and behavior whether positive or negative.

      Admitedly as a single man, I have been in a time of reflection and the obsevation made have been astounding revelations.

      This is not offered as an excuse as much as a call to action. As we grow to experience new heights we must all hold ourselves accountable for understanding ourselves and making positive changes in our lives.

      Do not wait for someone to help you unlock your mind, do not wait for someone to come help you experience the pinnacle of your desires. Be responsible, create the life and love you want. Fear is an illusion we have all worked past from the moment we began to walk in this world thus we all stand up and walk.

      To all fellow men, apparently our species is in a socially and apparently genetic dispostion when it comes to emotional maturity. This is all the more reason we must come into our age. Similar to the feminist movement which was catalitic to shaping the identity and social position of women, we must also continue to grow and develop.

      Take action now for yourself and the one you love, I wish you the very best!


      I wish you all the very best

    • profile image

      Marielle 8 years ago

      Mary D, you are a genius! :D

    • profile image

      pinkpanther2010 8 years ago

      I must say that I learned a lot from this article. It helps me as a woman understand my spouse more in depth. It actually helps me with my own insecurities as a woman. A part of my insecurities derive from not understanding my man. This is really good info for couples who truly love each other.

    • profile image

      Mark 9 years ago

      Whoa, as a guy, I thought everything was going well until the selfish part, I agreed with it all, but hmmm, doesn't selfish and provider kinda go hand in hand. Guarenteed some women out there gonna argue with this... and why am i learning about this, no its not that im gay, im tryin to figure out how to get a woman, im attractive i think, i just lack that confidence thing, for some reason i think the world depends on that first impression, cant quite get over it..

    • epifanny profile image

      epifanny 9 years ago from AU

      so much great advise offered here.. still learning to grasp the differences in the sexes.. i guess its just one of those mysteries in life and what attracts us to each other.. being so opposite.. great hub !! :)

    • schanele profile image

      schanele 9 years ago from United States

      This is a great piece. It's taken me two books about gender differences, 10 years and much inner therapy to accept the fact that men are in fact different than women. It's been an eye-opening journey, but, armed with this knowledge, I have been better able to navigate my marriage, and male friendships and relationships. With men, I've learned to be extremely direct (that's how they communicate), lovingly patient and grateful there is a yin for the female yang.

      Keep up the good work!

    • profile image

      MOmmagus 10 years ago

      I recommend the documentary "raising cain," for learning for about men and the way they are "programmed." It' very interesting and it helped me to understand my husband and my son better.

    • MaryD profile image

      MaryD 10 years ago

      I believe that there are selfish people, male and female. It is not necessarily a gender thing. It is true that women are more in tune to the needs of others more than most men, so with that said, it is important that women learn to express their needs to their man. Communication and hearing your partner is important in all relationships for them to be successful.

      So in my opinion, both genders need to realize that when listening to their partner and being aware of the other person's needs and doing their best to satisfy their partner, in the end, both will be more satisfied because they both are being more attentive and giving.

    • profile image

      Cleopatra 10 years ago

      Mary, from what I've seen in the past, men tend to be selfish while women are more giving not of material things only, but also of themselves.

      Is this true that men tend to be selfish?

    • MaryD profile image

      MaryD 10 years ago

      Christine, it definatly sounds like he is flirting. How do you feel about it? Do you feel attracted to him also? I would ask him why you make him 'nervous'. Perhaps he is so attracted to you that he gets butterflies. Just be cautious and be sure you do not get caught up in the moment and not see if he is just being flirtatious for one reason or if he is really attracted to you genuinly.

    • profile image

      christine 10 years ago

      I know a man who is constantly flirting with me and complimenting me about my appearance. He is very attractive and he says when I am in his presence I make him nervous. Should I take this as an insult or a compliment?

    • profile image

      lyn 10 years ago

      i really love this site and i learn toappreaciate and understand more my borfriend because of this.i hope there will be a lot more revelations about men that we should know. thanks!

    • MaryD profile image

      MaryD 11 years ago

      Men are not mind readers and generally tend to not realize that they are not giving compliments when they could be. I suggest that you share with him that it is important to you that he notice how you look and how you appreciate the compliments. Often men assume that their partner 'just knows' that they love them or like the way they look and fail to express it.

    • profile image

      Cleopatra 11 years ago

      I had a question. I have been dating someone about a month, and although I give him nice compliments, I have yet to hear him give me a compliment, whether it's that I'm wearing a nice dress, or I'm nice, or anything like that. What does it mean when men fail to give compliments. He treats me nice in every other way, and we thoroughly enjoy being together.

    • easegiri profile image

      easegiri 11 years ago from Bangalore

      All are rightly said, and it reflects about men's true state of mind. Taking tips from here both men and women can re-think their acts, They can arrive at a compromise understading and lead a happy life.


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