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What Women Need to Know About Men
It is just the plain truth, men and women are different. One of the difficult challenges of a relationship is understanding that a man's perspectives on the things are physiologically different than those of a woman. Not only do men act differently, they think differently.
Men that I have talked to about this subject are often frustrated because women expect them to think like women. Women wonder why just he can't open up and share his emotions. As women our feelings come easily, and too often we assume that men can express their emotions in a similar way. Because a man does not always openly express his emotions, women too often feel that his ‘unavailability' is intentional, that his silence as an unwillingness to open up. Men are actually full of thoughts and feelings, but unable to meet the standards that too many put on them to openly communicate them.
Is it possible men simply have different wiring than women and that they simply do not recognize or express their emotions as naturally as women? Yes!!
Research shows it takes men many hours longer than women to process complex emotional data. When men do identify their feelings, do they lack the ability to talk about them easily? Sometimes!
These traits of a man do not make him wrong or bad, just different than women. And I for one am glad they are different! What a boring world this would be if we all thought the same, felt the same, and reacted to life the same. Ugh!
Women need to have more understanding of the wiring of men vs. women. Here is a list of a few things I have heard men say they wish women understood about them:
Men would rather not be loved at all than feel inadequate and disrespected. Men desire and need to know that their women respect them privately and publicly. Men thrive when they know that their sweethearts trust them, admire them, and believe in them. Men are driven by respect and admiration where women are more driven by the emotional things.
Men often response with anger when they feel disrespected. When a man becomes angry with his lover, he may not come out and say, "You've disrespected me!" But, there is a good chance that he is feeling stung by something done towards him that he considered disrespectful and humiliating.
Men do have insecurities too. Men have insecurities about their performance in life and relationships as well as at work. They may never tell anyone this, but they are secretly vulnerable. How does a woman help change the insecurity to confidence? Affirmation and Compliments! To men, affirmation from their wives or girlfriends means everything! If they don't receive this positive feedback, they will seek it elsewhere. When they receive regular and genuine positive attention and compliments from their wives, they tend to become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.
Men are conquerors and providers. Intellectually, it doesn't matter how much income man makes, or whether or not his wife makes more or less money in her career. Men innately bear the emotional burden of being the provider. It is not a choice; it is just the way that men are wired. It is never far from their minds and can sometimes make a man feel trapped. Women can help her man by giving him healthy doses of appreciation, encouragement, and support. But a man can tell if the appreciation, encouragement and support is not genuine. It must come from her heart.
Men want more sex. Everyone's natural response to this is probably, "Duh!" We assume that men want more sex with their wives due to their physical wiring. But, surprisingly, research shows that men want more sex is because of their strong need to be desired by their wives as well as it is a man's deepest way to show his emotional love. It is the ultimate in their expression of their love to their lover. Men just like women, simply need to be wanted. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a man's sense of feeling loved and desired. Men have a physiological need for the sexual release. The same for women, physical sexual release will release endorphins into the brain thus stimulating happiness, euphoria and satisfaction. When men feel their wives desire them sexually, it has a profound effect on the rest of their lives. It gives them an increasing sense of confidence and well-being that carries over into every other area of his life. The flipside of this coin also carries a profoundly negative effect. When a husband feels rejected sexually, he not only feels his wife is rejecting him physically, but that she is somehow rejecting his life as a husband, provider, and man. This is why making sex a priority in marriage is so incredibly important!
Men enjoy romance, but are not completely sure how to be. Many men appear to be unromantic clods, but it doesn't mean that they choose to be that way! They want to be romantic, but they just are unsure of their ability to pull it off in a way that will be pleasing to the woman. They are deterred by the risk of humiliation and failure. Wives can do a great deal to increase their man's confidence in their romantic skills by encouragement and redefining what is romantic. For example, a wife may refuse when her husband asks her to go along to the hardware store, but it's likely that he's asking because he sees it as a time they can get away as a couple and hang out together. What's not romantic about that? (According to a man's way of thinking!)
Men do care about their wife's appearance. This isn't saying that all men want their wives to look like the a supermodel. What men really want is to know that their wives are making an effort to take care of themselves because it matters to her man! Husbands appreciate the efforts their wives make to maintain their attractiveness. Just the same as a woman appreciates that her husband desires to be in shape and keeping up his appearance for her.
Men want their wives to know how much they love them. Men may not be the best at expressions of love whether it be verbally or by actions, but they truly desire that their sweetheart knows how much they love her. Men express their love in different ways than women. Remember earlier it was said that men are providers, which is an expression of his love to his woman, by providing a home, a car, money for food and bills, etc. Caring for the car and keeping it running smoothly is another expression of his love, he wants her to be safe on the road! Mowing the lawn, upkeep on the house, doing the ‘honey do' list, are all ways he is striving to do things that please her and make her proud of him. Women need to understand this and acknowledge their appreciation of these deeds!