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- Relationship Problems & Advice
What's a woman good for anyway?
When I first found my boyfriend's pornography, I was heartbroken. I know most of you- mainly men are scoffing over the keyboard and saying only insecure women who are WAY too uptight lose sleep over this issue. "C'mon." You say. "Every man does it. It's a natural part of life. Get over it or get out!" I've honestly never met a woman who WAS okay with her significant other lusting over a body that wasn't her own. Sure, I've seen ladies who don't mention it. Women who are too afraid to be put in their place. Too afraid to be considered a nagging bitch. So they don't make it a problem, when to them...It's the biggest problem of all. I couldn't stop looking at the photos he enjoyed so much. I found myself studying the women he thought were so very desirable and then comparing them to myself. I could barely stand to see myself naked in the mirror. Our sex life stopped being something I loved. I was so caught up in trying to be just as good as the women he looked at and loved on a daily basis. I became so focused on trying to be the perfect, little slut...I forget what I really was....A person. A human being with feelings. I reached out online for help. Was I being crazy? Was I being too weird about it? I was looking for justification, but instead I was met with messages like: "He's a man, stop being so f*cking insecure." and "No one thinks that's attractive!" Pushing me further into one of the many dark places I have in my mind. Fear, self loathing, insecurities, despair. I'd just like to say one thing to men who view porn and have committed themselves to a relationship: Please don't do it. There ARE no excuses. "She likes it! It's a fetish. We enjoy watching it together!" etc etc etc. Lies Lies Lies. NO one enjoys feeling second best. Women will do it to keep you around, to keep you happy. They want so badly to be the 'cool' girlfriend that they'll give up their own self respect to please you. Also, believe it or not, this isn't JUST for men! Cue the NO one wants to feel second best. When you commit yourself to one person, you commit it all. ALL. Attention, love, lust, desire. If you don't? Porn is all you'll be left with, and in the end...that won't make up your happiness. You'll never regret not viewing porn. You will, however, regret porn ruining everything that ever meant anything to you. Coming from a woman who's been there: Nothing hurts worse when you've trusted someone so much that you give them your all and are met with their SOME. Have a little self respect. Have nothing BUT respect for your partner, or even future partner. Be a man, be a woman of true integrity. Don't allow yourself to believe it doesn't cause problems, because it does. Problems that hurt and problems that make you spend years trying to convince yourself that you ARE good enough...to him at least. Please be smart. Pornography is cheating, and believe it or not, it all goes back to "Do to others what you want them to do to you."