When A Woman w/Children Divorces
Only If You Must
If you are a woman considering divorce and especially if you have children, I’m here to tell you that divorce will be the most difficult event of your life. If you can avoid it, do so at any cost. So often today I hear the term “no fault“. What does that mean exactly? “It’s your fault. No it’s your fault. Well then it’s no fault.” If you have to use this excuse to get a divorce, then in my opinion, it is not good enough. Here are some good enough reasons:
- He is a serial killer.
- He is a pedophile.
- He beats you.
- He leaves you for another.
- He has three other wives
Children Suffer More
The myth that divorce can be better for the children is incorrect. Children suffer more after divorce. Think about it. Not only do they witness and feel the friction between their parents when together, they worry about the missing parent when apart. The family they belonged to disappears and now they don’t know where they belong. Their love is strong for each parent, no matter what you may wish to believe.
If you still feel you have grave cause and wish to get a divorce, here is some advice.
- Do not say anything negative about your X in front of your children. Even though he has disappointed you, you did love him once and he will always be a part of your children’s identity. Saying something negative about him is the same as saying it about your children. They must believe they come from good.
- Do not communicate with your X through the children. Using your child to hurt or alarm or ask for money or change arrangements is not cool. Speak directly to your X, the sooner the better.
- Try to become friends with your X. As difficult as it can be, find common ground and overcome the bad feelings for your children’s sake. You have to see the children through many important lifetime events together and eventually share grandchildren.
- Try to be friendly to your X’s new wife or girlfriend. The more people that can bring love into your children's lives, the better for them. Let them be able to accept the love that will come.
You probably know instinctively when your child needs some extra TLC and reassurance so be mindful of them and put your own feelings aside through the crises. A friend once told me “Be strong like a man.” to which I replied “No, I’ll be strong like a woman”.