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When I finally let go and moved on....
Today is the day. A walk in the woods. It’s a gray morning with a silver lining. The rays of light are desperately attempting to peer beyond their blanket of gloominess and I’m taking my dogs for a light romp in the woods. It’s doubtful that I will be successful in trekking a long journey; however, whatever mileage I am able to accomplish, will add to the emancipation I feel today.
The wooden heart, kept in my dresser drawer for almost 6 months will be released to it’s new burial grounds today. No longer kept safe among lingerie and pajama bottoms, this wooden symbol of my life with that man will now rest within the snow-covered leaves. Wet cushioning that will erode the outer exterior of the figure and eventually turn it into part of the Earth, once again.
I will deliberately walk with no trepidation, down the primeval paths strewn with limbs and frozen vines today. I will kiss my heart goodbye. I will close my eyes, gather a fist around it’s perfectly sanded edges and maintain a stance, seen by spectators perusing a ball game. Then, without hesitation, I will cast it into the air and listen for it’s landing. I know the quietness I will hear will first be the Earth accepting her new gift. The seconds following will be the sound of my heart, allowing myself to let go of him. Send him on with Peace in my heart and mind. The crunch of the snow beneath my feet will break the silence. I will dance among the trees in joy. I will allow myself as much time as necessary to breathe in the cold air and fill my lungs with the necessary amount of oxygen needed to stifle and calm any left over sorrows that may wish to resurface.
December 9, 2007. The day I decided to live again. Without regret. Without guilt. Resetting my thought processes to allow me to take the first step forward into the unknown. I’m a bit excited about it...aren’t you?