- Gender and Relationships
When They Aren't Paying Attention
Jimmy was as interested in his mother's life as he was in root canal.
He wanted a relationship with her, cause she did have some wealth, but his interest in her was not as real as he led her to believe.
Jimmy thought the best idea to keep her communicating was to ask her to tell him about her side of the family, people he never met or knew.
His mother, Rachel, avid to share her family's past with her son, and having a lot to say, told him she'd email it. She would break it into 'Chapters', sending one every so often.
Rachel, inspired began to write an in depth history of her ancestors. She sent Chapter One, which dealt with her Paternal Grandfather's antecedents, then immediately went to writing about her Maternal Grandfather.
She sent Chapter Two when she was working on Chapter Seven, because she was so engrossed in transmitting her history.
It dawned on Rachel, after she sent Chapter Four, that she'd had no feed back. No questions. With a queasy sensation she sent what could be called a 'shard' of her days at Primary School and labeled it Chapter 14.
And sent that.
She received no response. No question, no mention she'd skipped ten chapters, no mention that the email began in the middle of an event.
That was when Rachel realised, she'd been played.
And whatever connection she had to her son diminished to the day before he asked for the history.
In the above anecdote it is clear how uninterested Jimmy was in his past. He had looked for some 'hook' into his mother, and set on this one.
He didn't want to communicate with her, he figured he'd have her waste her time on email after email of what he had no intention of reading.
His mother caught him out due to his negligence. Anyone who glanced at her posts would see the last one was 'out of synch'.
What is important is that what was done to Rachel by Jimmy is not uncommon.
Many people do this.
They aren't interested in what you have to say but for some reason want you to keep talking.
At a social function, Louise pushed herself next to Richard. His father had died a few months before, and she asked him about it. Speaking slowly, picking his words, Richard began to talk.
In the middle of his speech, Louise called across the room to someone and began that clever repartee; leaving Richard mid word in a painful subject.
This is because, Louise couldn't care less about Richard, his family, anything. She just wanted the seat and needed to pretend she was part of those sitting there, so spoke to Richard.
Too many people get into what they are saying or writing and forget their 'audience'.
Rachel, deep into retelling her past did not, for a moment, realise that Jimmy wasn't interested. If she had been more suspicious when asked, she would have waited three days or so, and if/when he asked again post one short item, and wait.
But Rachel had been writing as if on a deadline. Lucky she only sent four posts before realisation.
This kind of pause before speaking/writing should become second nature.
Wait. Wait until they ask you again.
If they say, "You haven't sent me..."
Immediately compose a 'chapter' and send it. See what response you get. If you get a response, go on, do another, and another, then stop again, if you don't get a response.
Many people keep you 'occupied' as if it is a job.
Jimmy is pretty easy to expose. If Rachel hadn't been avid to get a closer relationship with Jimmy, she'd have not posted or posted a very general over view.
He had played her.
Most people are so into what is coming out of their mouths they don't notice the ears they are supposed to be filling.
Never be so into what you are saying so as not to note that people aren't listening.
Teach yourself to stop; mid word if necessary if no one is listening.
If you are talking and the person to whom you speak answers a phone or talks to another, close your mouth and end. Walk away if you are standing, or get up if you are sitting. But stop speaking mid word and end.
If the person says to you, "That's it?" Nod, say 'uh huh'.
They aren't listening.
To prove, drop your voice when you are imparting the important information. If you are asked to repeat, they are listening, if not, you told them, they didn't hear.
Watch For Lies
Some people are so clumsy when it comes to the lies they invent that you have to force yourself not to laugh.
Josh didn't answer when Lee called. Lee sent an email; "I called you but you didn't answer."
Josh wrote back; "I don't usually answer when it is an unknown number."
Lee had called Josh about four times already, and Josh had answered. So it is pretty clear Josh tells so many lies that he can't keep his ducks in a row.
Lee will never call Josh again, and his emails will be answers when Josh posts; if Josh posts. But Lee knows, in the column marked 'friend' Josh's name has just been crossed off.
Be aware that many people are not interested in what you have to say. They may want you to talk so that it looks like you are 'with' them, or possess some nefarious reason.
Anyone who is reading what you write will see a glaring error, or something that needs enlargement.
Anyone who is listening will hear when you stop and would not disrupt a conversation to have pointless banter with another.
Be Here Now has been said, many times.
If you Are Here Now you will become alert to people who need you to correspond so as to ignore you.