- Gender and Relationships
Lesbian-Straight Best Friend Alliances and Attraction
She's Your Best Friend
She's got your back throughout anything, she'd probably even fight someone for you. She knows all your closest secrets, of course because you trust her with them. Movie nights, lunches, coffee, and even the lowest of the low, breakups. She's the one you call first, because she's the one who cares the most.
Have you noticed different feelings in your relationship with your best friend lately? Maybe different motives, or new activities between you two? Read on, to answer some of the questions you may have about your relationship with your lesbian best friend.
When Your Lesbian Best Friend is Attracted to You
This scenario may differ.
It can be hard to differentiate the line between best friends, and your lesbian best friend having a crush on you. You probably have been friends with her for a long time now, and never before has she acted the way she is now. This may be because she likes you, and thinks about dating you often.
Does your best friend go out of her way to spoil you?
Does she take you on cute little lunch "dates" or
does she invite you over constantly to come watch movies, or something along those lines?
These coincidences all sound fun and friendly, to a straight girl. A lesbian may not have feelings for her best friend at first, or ever if she's already been down this road. This could be completely normal for you guys, even extending out to the cuddling factor.
Though, for most lesbian/straight girl best friend teams, this is simply not the truth. It may have started out normal, but trust me, if she has feelings for you, you're gonna notice them.
It may be in the way she says "I love you" quite often, or the way she always hits you up on Snapchat or through text consistently, as to check up on you, and just talk with you. Other tell-tale signs is sleepovers, like every chance you get to have them, though this could be cause to you finding her attractive as well. I will go deeper into the sleepover scenario and mutual attraction in another article.
Basically, you two are attached at the hip, and trust me if she does like you, theres maybe a 1% chance that she'll ever tell you this in 1,000,000 years. Have you maybe noticed that you're her only close friend? Sometimes, this is normal. Sometimes, it's a sign that she's only interested in you. She has no need for fulfillment from other friends, and gets all the happiness she needs from you. Sound like her?
Another factor is body language, which has been known for many years. If you drive, does she often sit with her body turned slightly towards you? Is her elbow on the center console? Does she constantly look at you when you speak, although you're driving and can't look her back in the eyes? During your sleep overs, does she sleep closer to you or farther, does she turn her body to face you or not? These are all signs of her comfort and a possible crush.
She may often play with your hair, offer to scratch or massage your back, and offer cuddles. Again, this could all be normal based on your friendship, but I'm guessing since you'e read this far down this article that you're looking for some sort of answer that may apply to your relationship with your best friend.
If she's loving, and patient, caring, and gentle towards you this can be a huge sign! Sure, a best friend should be all these things, but does she maybe take it to the extreme? Does she stay calm with you in situations where anger or annoyance should arise? Yet, another pointer towards the crushing side.
Or, maybe she gets extremely jealous over what you thought would be nothing, or over boyfriends, dates, and other girl friends. Does she seem to care too much about the decisions you are making in life? Has she become more of a mother to you than a best friend? This is a sign that she cares significantly for you, and wants the best for you. Maybe she tells you she misses you after just a couple days.
She may avoid you, she might have realized her true feelings for you, and doesn't want to face them. She's nervous, unsteady, and upset, because after all, you are her best friend and the person she needs most in the world, why would she mess it up? Try asking her if everything is okay, and if she'd like to speak.
Does she post you all over social-media? This can be a huge sign. Does she get you random gifts, often? How about nosily going through your phone, or really getting themselves cozy with your family?
Maybe her efforts a more apparent, and she sends you small flirts, long paragraphs often of how much you mean to her and how much she loves you. Does she send you good morning and good night texts on the regular? Or willingly hold your hand?
There's a lot of things that can tell you that your lesbian best friend is interested in you. Do not overthink these things, though. If your best friend likes you, it may be very apparent, and it may be very hidden. Don't make her feel bad, she probably already feels terrible. If you believe that she is truly into you sit down and have a mature conversation about it.
When You're Attracted to Her
So, you've found yourself crushing on, or attracted to your lesbian best friend. In this scenario, she does not like you back. You may have thought to yourself "well she's a lesbian so if I could just get her to notice my love, it should be easy from there." After all, you two are already so close to each other, and rely on each other so heavily for support of all kinds. Unfortunately, you're wrong. Your best friend has probably already had at least one terrible heartbreak with a best friend that she once fell head over heels for. Not only did her heart break when this girl didn't love her back the same way, but it broke also, when the best friend part of this girl walked away from your now current best friend.
This means, she's definitely not getting into it with you! You, as her best friend, are the most important player on her team, the one girl that can vibe with her. It was probably difficult enough for her to find you, let alone like you enough as a person, to call you her best friend. You're the person there for her when other girls break her heart. She never wants to lose you, which is exactly why she would never even consider looking at your lips in the same way she does her lovers.
Think about it yourself, you're probably straight, if you're not, and you're also attracted to females, there was most likely an attraction factor pulling you two together, am I right? I will also talk about mutually shared attraction between you and your best friend, in another article.
Back to thinking about your scenario yourself. You're straight, you have this lesbian best friend who you can't help but adore, she's sweet, she's there for you, she's probably available. Though, you just can't get her to notice you back. I have one question for you: Are you really attracted to this girl, and ready for a long term relationship with her? Or, are you just curious about the sex lives of lesbians?
The second option, of just being curious, may be a better situation for you both. You can easily talk to her or mention it, and find out if she's willing or not, and it can be done with, or you can start an friends with benefits relationship. Though, keep in mind that there is a chance that she does care about your friend ship too much to put it at risk. If she feels that way, you should respect that and come to a realization that you wouldn't want to hurt your relationship with her, either.
The first option, you are in love with her. You want to spoil her, and give her cute kisses, and it just makes you so frustrated to hear about all of the girls "running game" on her, and you wish she'd notice and reciprocate your love. This can go one of two ways, it will either be devastating, or it will be great.
You tell her, and you two decide to start dating. It seems to be the best thing that's ever happened in the world and you guys are happy. Until, you're not. Then you're out the best love of your life, and your one and only best friend. So, have fun buying your own break-up ice cream tub!
You tell her and she reminds you that she does not want to hurt the relationship. This can be good, because it gives you both a chance to refresh, and get over the thoughts or feelings. This scenario can also go very wrong, if you don't mean as much to her as thought, and she can end up walking away completely.
You don't tell her, you sit on your feelings, never knowing what could ever happen between you two. You question everyday: "is this girl made for me, or am I mistaken and should I move on?"
My advice is, always communicate effectively. Remember that your worth, and your happiness does not solely lay in this person alone. Before talking, try finding other things in this world that ignite passion and happiness, and find other things to rely on besides your best friend. Then, talk to her. Life is full of new exciting times in your life, don't sit back and watch it pass you by. Never knowing is one of the worst things to live with.
Anyone who is for you, won't hurt you and let you stay hurt. They won't use you, they won't walk away. Never make up excuses for this person, your relationship may be toxic and it may be best to walk away with your head held high, despite how hard it is. Never beg anyone to be in your life, to love you, or speak with you. Not getting a message is also a message.