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When Your Spouse or Significant Other stop Looking

Updated on November 21, 2014


When we are first dating, we get so much attention from that person. They seem to notice your every move and often compliment any and everything about you. You get goosebumps just hearing their voice. You wake up with a smile on your face knowing that person will loves you beyond life. But then, the compliments stop. They don't notice when you have changed your hairstyle or even that you have bought a new outfit. They don't seem to see that you have spent extra time getting ready so that you can look your best. You step onto your job and that person of the opposite sex says, "you sure look lovely today" or "my you are handsome today". Of course you appreciate the compliment but what happened to the compliment from the person you did all of this for? Didn't they notice me"?

When Did Things Change

You wonder what happened to make this person not notice all of your extra efforts. You even question them about the relationship and of course the answer is, oh, we are fine. You may go as far as to ask if they noticed your hair or your new suit. Sometimes the answer is, yes I noticed even if they hadn't or that they forgot to compliment you. Often it only takes a few other times for them to not notice and that stranger to begin noticing before you start wondering if the relationship is the same or is there something you should be worried about. I believe before deciding to move on a conversation needs to be held, especially if you have invested many years into this relationship. Never ask your best friend or loved one for answers to questions you have not asked your spouse or significant other. It could be stress, preoccupation or it could be something going on under the surface that needs to be addressed. Never end a relationship without communicating with that person. They deserve at least that.


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    • selethamarie profile imageAUTHOR

      Seletha M. Tucker, BS, MS 

      3 years ago from Memphis, Tennessee

      Thanks for your comments. You are correct. Often at the beginning of the relationship everything is great. I think the hard part is taking the time to develop the relationship. It takes time to find out the good and the bad about people. We do tend to allow things to slide by at the beginning but the longer you are with a person, you find out whether that first impression is who that person really is. When we invest time in a relationship we are saying, I care enough about you to find out more about you. I want to see what can become of our relationship. Other times, it's just infatuation as you said. I like how you look and I want to get with you.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago

      Every new relationship starts off the same way during the "infatuation phase". Both people bend over backwards to "impress" one another. The word "no" becomes lost in their vocabulary. If you're happy they're happy and vice versa. Cards and gifts are given "just because", laughter comes easily and the sex is off the charts!

      Is it any wonder why we always feel like we've met "the one" early on?

      However after the "infatuation phase" ends people revert to their "authentic selves". If someone is NOT a "natural romantic" they'll stop doing a lot of things they did early on because they feel it's NORMAL to relax once there is an emotional investment or commitment.

      People do this also with new jobs and ownership of new things as well. We treat "the new" better than "the tried & true". However if someone feels you're "worth the effort" they will attempt to "make the effort".

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Stay or move on. The choice is up to us.


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