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When a Man Refuses to Work and You Decide to Take Care of Him

Updated on July 4, 2017
Author Cheryl profile image

Author Cheryl is an advocate for abused women and children. Her goal is to educate women financial abuse.

This is what they are doing while your busting your butt
This is what they are doing while your busting your butt

Stop Working for Men Who Don't Want to Work

This has been going on for ages. Women who get no good men that won't work and the women are out there working double shifts in order to pay bills and take care of the house hold expenses.

Most of the time these men are not the father of your children but you can't afford a baby sitter or day care center. These are also the men who abuse your children while you are away because they don't want to take care of another mans child.

Think about it long and hard before you do this and the affect it will have on your children. If you have son's they will learn what they are taught and they will grow up to think they don't have to work. All they have to do is find a woman with kids who will be willing to take care of him.

What is this saying to your daughter? She can work herself to death while her boyfriend is sitting home on the couch all day.

Child Abuse From a Baby Sitter

If He is Not Your Childs Father Don't Let Him Watch Your Kids

It happens time and time again, in the news almost everyday, abuse and even death from a boyfriend who abused the kids while you were working.

He isn't your baby's daddy so why are you asking him to watch your children. First of all he is a dead beat that won't work in a pie factory tasting pies and you want him to watch your children that he is not the father of.

This is one the of biggest mistakes you could ever make with your children. He doesn't want to take care of someone else's child. He won't tell you that but time and time again you hear about a boyfriend killing a baby.

The story of Lonzie Barton is a prime example. His mother worked at a strip club and the boyfriend was a drug dealer. He beat the child until he couldn't move and he became scared so he took little Lonzies body out in the woods and covered him with trash.

He told the police that someone had stolen his car and that Lonzie was in the back seat. None of it was true. They got him on camera leaving his car parked around the block from his house and there was no baby in it. Him and the mother were both arrested. He wouldn't admit it until months later when he finally confessed to beating the child and was scared that he would go to jail. He ended up not only going to jail, but being charge with 1st degree murder.

Lonzie may have been saved if he only would of called 911 for help.

Again do not leave your children with a man that is not the father of your child.

Lonzie Barton's Abuser

Why Suffer With a Deadbeat Man

A deadbeat man is a person who avoids or evades his financial or emotional responsibilities. Deadbeat men come from all walks of life and tend to sap the energy and resources of their romantic and sexual partners. Once you are in a relationship with a deadbeat man it can be hard to leave. Recognizing red flags, learning to love and respect yourself, and setting and maintaining boundaries will help you avoid deadbeat men before they become a permanent fixture in your life.

Settling for a deadbeat loser is like settling for a job you hate. There are way too many people who hate their jobs and keep on doing them, just like there are way too many women who settle for men who treat them poorly. What is it about non-ideal situations which makes us keep carrying on, doing nothing to change?

What women really believe:

* We don’t believe we are worthy. Above all else, I believe that the reason why we settle for someone suboptimal is because we believe we aren’t deserving of more. This is utterly disappointing and ludicrous. You don’t deserve to be mistreated or taken advantage of ever! You deserve to have someone love you back as much as you love them. Those who ask for promotions get promotions.

* We’re afraid to be alone. Life isn’t worth living if there’s nobody special to share it with. I’d rather be a median waged person with a loved one than be a lonely billionaire in the long run. It’s irrational to think that you will die alone given the population of the world today. Every day, we have the opportunity to meet a hundred people if we want to. It just takes initiative.

* We think we can teach a dog how to speak. If there are five “must haves” such as humor, compassion, motivation, spontaneous, cultured and he has three out of five, the temptation is to settle. Perhaps over time, you believe he’ll be able to develop the other two must haves and be that ideal guy. You’ll be able to change him for the better, which is hardly ever the case. The problem with this thought process is that he might actually lose one of the three must haves, and then you’re really going to feel bitter for wasting your precious youth on him!

* We’re afraid to get hurt. If we never try meeting other people, we will never get rejected. It’s truly disheartening when someone else doesn’t show you the same interest as you’ve shown them. Guys get rejected left and right because for some reason, society has told us we always have to initiate. Rejection doesn’t get that much easier to deal with after a while. Instead, we settle for what we have or just being a lone. That’s sad, because time isn’t on our side. The older women get, the smaller the pool since women refuse to be with men younger than them, whereas it’s everything goes for guys! (Financial Samurai 2016)

She Does it All


If He is Selling Drugs That is Not a Job

If you want to be with a drug dealer because he has cash every day there is something in your brain that is missing.

First of all if he gets caught, he is going to jail.

Secondly if they raid your house and find drugs, you and him are going to jail and your children will go in to protective custody.

Do not let him move in with you and get rid of him fast.

He might flash his big time money at you or might flash his jewelry but the thing is he is doing something illegal. The chips will fall eventually. He is already being watched probably by the police.

Women always go for the bad boys but come on now it's 2017. Men are supposed to be the providers not the other way around.

If he won't hold down a job then he can not be in your life plain and simple.

He Set's Up Shop in Your Home


Letting Him Move in Too Soon

This is a problem in society. We don't get to know someone before we tell them they can move in. You have to be a detective and its not hard to do because you can go to every state and they have public court records. You can search their data base to see if "your love" has been arrested and the reason why.

Get to know him before he moves in with you. If he is living with his mother, then he is probably a dead beat. He needs to have his own vehicle, have a job and his own place. If he has none of these, he is a dead beat. Why settle for someone like that.

Ladies you deserve the best. You don't have to settle for a loser and especially one that will sit there and watch you go to work, then fill your house up with his dead beat friends who eat all your food and mistreat your children.

You are better then that. You say you can't get rid of them. Oh yes you can. He has to leave sometime. Throw his stuff out the front door and change the locks.

I don't care how good the sex is because that is the problem that most of you have. Sex is not love. If a man loves you he will provide for you with a real job. He will pay for daycare for the children and no having his child is not going to solve the problem of him abusing your other child.

Ladies you are above being treated like this. Its not the 80's it is 2017. I don't care if he collects garbage or if he mows lawns, he needs to have a job. If he says he has a job and he is not getting up going to work everyday, then he is lying to you.

Love yourself and your children always. If he doesn't respect you enough to have a job then don't let him disrespect you by allowing him in your life.


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    • Linda BookLady profile image

      Linda Jo Martin 

      11 months ago from Post Falls, Idaho, USA

      I agree completely. I was in a situation like that a few years back. I thought, when I met him, that he would work as he always had before, but he never did bother to get that job because he was completely satisfied with me supporting him. He's no longer in my life. I also agree that single mothers need to be very careful about what man they allow to be around their children. Step-fathers are the worst, for kids. I read news articles frequently about children abused by a step-parent (both male and female but usually male).

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      14 months ago

      Cheryl, I hear what you're saying.

      Some people are beyond help because they simply do not feel responsible for being in their bad situation.

      Choosing the "wrong mate" can make an otherwise person look stupid as well as lower their standard of living.

      When (we) change our circumstances change.

    • Author Cheryl profile imageAUTHOR

      Cheryl A Whitsett 

      14 months ago from Jacksonville, Fl

      dashingscorpio I understand what your saying this was written about a woman that I knew who would beg all the staff for money religiously. Her kids went to a baby sitter and her husband sat home on his ass not willing to work but was able body. There comes a time when you have to learn between love and convience.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      14 months ago

      Very interesting!

      "This has been going on for ages. Women who get no good men that won't work and the women are out there working double shifts in order to pay bills and take care of the house hold expenses."

      If you substitute (men) for women and vice versa you would have what had been a tradition since the caveman days.

      One person (usually the man) worked outside of the home and the other (usually a woman) stayed home to watch the children.

      With all of our progressive advances towards equality when it comes to men who stay home there remains a "double standard" even today. From time to time there are examples of very successful women celebrities going through divorce whose soon to be ex husband is asking for "spousal support" and these men are frowned upon as being (lowlife snakes.)

      And yet when it's women seeking money from their rich and famous exes few people give it a second thought.

      "He needs to have his own vehicle, have a job and his own place. If he has none of these, he is a dead beat..."

      I have come to realize over the years that there are no universal "deal breakers". Whatever you or I could come up with there are people living under those conditions and they have no plans of ever leaving!

      Everyone has their own "must haves list"

      Everyone has their own "mate selection process"

      Everyone has their own "deal breakers" and "boundaries".

      Too often we tell people that they're "settling". However when you think about it settling is nothing more than someone believing this is the best option for them based upon the effort and time they're willing to invest.

      If I presented a brand new 2018 Audi A8 and a 1972 Ford Gremlin (rust bucket) to someone and told them they could have either car but in order to get the Audi A8 they'd have to run or walk a 26 mile marathon. A lot of people would take the Ford or simply jump back on the bus.

      There's a Cost VS Reward scenario that everyone plays in their mind before making a decision. These women are getting something out of being with "dead beat" men. Even if it's only enjoying having someone who is (dependent) upon them.

      In order for some people to feel valued they need to feel (needed). When person has money and the other doesn't there may be some ego satisfaction that comes with being a provider.

      "If a man loves you he will provide for you with a real job. He will pay for daycare for the children..."

      There also is no universal definition for love.

      Each of us has our own idea of what love is supposed to "feel like", "look like", and how people "in love" should "act like".

      Essentially everyone is looking for someone who will love them (the way) that (they) want to be loved. Until that happens they're not going to (feel loved) regardless of what is in their mate's heart. Perception is reality.

      This is why someone says: "If you loved me you would...etc"

      Their goal is to have their mate express love (the way) they want.

      In the modern era gender roles are becoming less defined in our society. While the older generation may feel a woman who takes care of a man is a fool the younger generation may believe whatever works for (that couple and their household is fine).

      Nevertheless it's an interesting topic!

    • Kathryn Stratford profile image


      5 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

      It must be frustrating to stand by and watch your friend working so hard while her man is lazy. You're right, when kids are involved (especially) he should do whatever it takes to get a job.


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