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When do you have a good relationship with your partner?

Updated on January 18, 2009

Giving each other attention

Ever since we are little children we need attention. We need this in a relationship too.  Every human being wants positive attention, but in many relationships where there is no true attention for each other, often it ends up with asking attention in a negative way. At least you will get some attention then don't you? But this won't improve the relationship.

 

A busy job, the house hold, children, friends, family are all competing with the time partners have for each other. When all the other things take all the time, partners can get the feeling they are completely living separate lives. If the lack of attention is waved away by saying (what is often said)"sorry I would like to but I just haven't got the time" then the first important base of the relationship is tumbling. True attention means that you think your partner is as important to you as all the other things that need your attention. When you can't communicate and take the time and attention for one another, then it will hardly be possible to express feelings of love and intimacy.

 

Expressing love

Expressing love is the second important thing in a good relationship. It depends on the first step and if the first step is done right, there will be many ways to express love. Everyone will express love in his or her own way.

Just by saying sweet things to your loved one and by saying "I love you" you're expressing your love and you can give a compliment on the clothing or looks of the other. You might think that your partner has to know this even when you don't say it, but it is very nice to receive an confirmation once in a while. Like I said in the hub about intimacy. You can express your love by doing things together. And a little present can do the trick, especially when someone had to go through a lot of trouble for it. Touching, caressing, kissing; all signs of affection and love. Maybe you’ve got your own examples.

Sex

I’ve already said a lot about it . http://hubpages.com/hub/10-reasons-to-have-sex-toninght , http://hubpages.com/hub/The-quality-of-intimacy , http://hubpages.com/hub/Hormones-and-love

It’s giving each other the attention, expressing the love you feel and taking the time for each other. A ‘quickie’ is possible too off course, but it is not as satisfying as a long tender ‘love game’. And here they we’re again. Giving attention and expressing love. If one of these pillars of your relationship has fallen, there will be much more trouble to have a good sex life. So it’s important to look after all aspects of your relationship and keep them in score.

 

 

What to do

Try to focus on quality time together and give each other true attention. You could try to write down your needs or wishes considering the time you want to spend together.

When there are problems in a relationship, often they will be no big deal if there is enough time spend together in a positive way. When these positive things don’t happen trough a lack of time the problems will just get bigger and bigger. Too little time and attention evolve in distance between partners and an unhappy relationship. But how could you make the time next to your job, children, housekeeping and further social commitments?

One way to stay connected with each other for example is asking how the day was for the other or how the partner is feeling and truly listen to the answer. It’s almost like a gift if your partner shows his or her interest and at the same time it’s taking the time for each other. Your partner can talk about what is on his or her mind and you could even be learning something.

Instead of the quick kiss when you’re leaving home or coming home, you also could give each other a spontaneous long and intense kiss and look each other in the eyes. Just try it.

At the beginning of your relationship you were probably planning the times you wanted to spend together. Maybe it isn’t the most romantic you can do, but sometimes just putting your agenda’s on the table and plan to go out for a coffee, dinner or a movie might do the trick and it is an opportunity to talk or have fun together.

It’s not a good idea to be in each other’s company when you feel exhausted. There is a good chance that bad qualities will show. So try to sleep for a while, take a hot shower or bath or go for a walk or something else what is relaxing for you. When you are relaxed and feel comfortable, you’ll be more able to spend quality time together.

Don’t steel or waste each other’s time. There are different ways how people can do this. For example always showing up too late or make arrangements for each other without discussing this with your partner. Consult and give the other the chance to say no, otherwise it can get agitating.

And I’ve read somewhere: Don’t be a perfectionist when there is a lack of time. When you’re too busy, take a little step back in cleaning your home instead of your relationship. Invest in candles, because by candlelight you hardly see the dust.

 

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    • profile image

      Thena 3 years ago

      Holy Toodle, so glad I clicked on this site first!

    • Lazur profile image
      Author

      Lazur 8 years ago from Netherlands

      Indeed Chris, you need to try. But how many don't want to try?

    • profile image

      Chris 8 years ago

      This is a good and admonishing article one should use to live proper life in a relationship.it is all true but somehow difficult to fulfil...notwithstanding one needs to try

    • linjingjing profile image

      linjingjing 9 years ago

      When do you have a good relationship with your partner

      This is a good idea

    • Lazur profile image
      Author

      Lazur 9 years ago from Netherlands

      Thank you Dottie, I think that ‘s the most terrible thing you want to hear when you’ve got trouble on your mind and want to talk about it.

      *hug* G-Ma, if I could adopt you as my (cyber) G-Ma , I would do it right away:) * hug*

    • profile image

      mz.keeboo101 9 years ago

      The person i am with now i love him to death but me and him isn't having sex so i believe that cuts down our communication alot but i go to church and i am saving myself til marriage he is waiting patiently and whole heartedly(somewhat) but i still know we don't talk like we used to at the beginning of our relationship then now because at the beginning he thought we was goin to have sex eventually and now he thinks never but it has been 10 months and he is holding on and not complaining to me but i still believe he will go out and complain to his friends or do something of the stupid kind i know that much but he promise he won't and so far i haven't heard nothing about it do you think sex would better a relationships communication i don't believe so because sex isn't everything am i right?

      Nice blog it did give me some communication tips

      $%#&^$mz.keeboo {BLOGGER101} signin out%^#$*^$%&$

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image

      Merle Ann Johnson 9 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      oh wow I was just thinking...my first exciting new love affair on the internet...I can be a cyber G-ma and get all tearie eyed over a wedding...wish I lived closer...G-Ma :o) Hugs

    • Dottie1 profile image

      Dottie1 9 years ago from MA, USA

      Good article Lazur....and I couldn't agree more with what you said, "sorry I would like to but I just haven't got the time" then the first important base of the relationship is tumbling. Thanks for writing.

    • RGraf profile image

      Rebecca Graf 9 years ago from Wisconsin

      So true and so hard to follow, but it has to be intentional.

    • Lazur profile image
      Author

      Lazur 9 years ago from Netherlands

      Thank you Misty :) I hope when we live closer together we can put all in practice.

      We surely try G-Ma and it's like you've said, we're human and human sometimes make mistakes:)We can only hope we learn from these mistakes to do better next time:) And yes I think we are sweet too:D:D

      RamenEmperor, keep up the good work with your fiancee. There is nothing more beautiful than give love and feel loved:)

    • RamenEmperor profile image

      RamenEmperor 9 years ago from Texas

      I personally have a wonderful relationship with my fiancee. Your hub definetly says it all though, each part is very important for a good relationship. You have to give attention, and should want to too. Love is wonderful and always should be cherished.

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image

      Merle Ann Johnson 9 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      Well given advice sweetie...may be hard to follow all the time...being human and all...but we surely must try...and try we will...you two are so sweet..G-Ma :o) Hugs

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Wow, you must have a great love between you and Ananta if you follow all your advice. Great hub and excellent tips :)

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