- Gender and Relationships
When do you have a good relationship with your partner?
Giving each other attention
Ever since we are little children we need attention. We need this in a relationship too. Every human being wants positive attention, but in many relationships where there is no true attention for each other, often it ends up with asking attention in a negative way. At least you will get some attention then don't you? But this won't improve the relationship.
A busy job, the house hold, children, friends, family are all competing with the time partners have for each other. When all the other things take all the time, partners can get the feeling they are completely living separate lives. If the lack of attention is waved away by saying (what is often said)"sorry I would like to but I just haven't got the time" then the first important base of the relationship is tumbling. True attention means that you think your partner is as important to you as all the other things that need your attention. When you can't communicate and take the time and attention for one another, then it will hardly be possible to express feelings of love and intimacy.
Expressing love is the second important thing in a good relationship. It depends on the first step and if the first step is done right, there will be many ways to express love. Everyone will express love in his or her own way.
Just by saying sweet things to your loved one and by saying "I love you" you're expressing your love and you can give a compliment on the clothing or looks of the other. You might think that your partner has to know this even when you don't say it, but it is very nice to receive an confirmation once in a while. Like I said in the hub about intimacy. You can express your love by doing things together. And a little present can do the trick, especially when someone had to go through a lot of trouble for it. Touching, caressing, kissing; all signs of affection and love. Maybe you’ve got your own examples.
I’ve already said a lot about it . http://hubpages.com/hub/10-reasons-to-have-sex-toninght , http://hubpages.com/hub/The-quality-of-intimacy , http://hubpages.com/hub/Hormones-and-love
It’s giving each other the attention, expressing the love you feel and taking the time for each other. A ‘quickie’ is possible too off course, but it is not as satisfying as a long tender ‘love game’. And here they we’re again. Giving attention and expressing love. If one of these pillars of your relationship has fallen, there will be much more trouble to have a good sex life. So it’s important to look after all aspects of your relationship and keep them in score.
What to do
Try to focus on quality time together and give each other true attention. You could try to write down your needs or wishes considering the time you want to spend together.
When there are problems in a relationship, often they will be no big deal if there is enough time spend together in a positive way. When these positive things don’t happen trough a lack of time the problems will just get bigger and bigger. Too little time and attention evolve in distance between partners and an unhappy relationship. But how could you make the time next to your job, children, housekeeping and further social commitments?
One way to stay connected with each other for example is asking how the day was for the other or how the partner is feeling and truly listen to the answer. It’s almost like a gift if your partner shows his or her interest and at the same time it’s taking the time for each other. Your partner can talk about what is on his or her mind and you could even be learning something.
Instead of the quick kiss when you’re leaving home or coming home, you also could give each other a spontaneous long and intense kiss and look each other in the eyes. Just try it.
At the beginning of your relationship you were probably planning the times you wanted to spend together. Maybe it isn’t the most romantic you can do, but sometimes just putting your agenda’s on the table and plan to go out for a coffee, dinner or a movie might do the trick and it is an opportunity to talk or have fun together.
It’s not a good idea to be in each other’s company when you feel exhausted. There is a good chance that bad qualities will show. So try to sleep for a while, take a hot shower or bath or go for a walk or something else what is relaxing for you. When you are relaxed and feel comfortable, you’ll be more able to spend quality time together.
Don’t steel or waste each other’s time. There are different ways how people can do this. For example always showing up too late or make arrangements for each other without discussing this with your partner. Consult and give the other the chance to say no, otherwise it can get agitating.
And I’ve read somewhere: Don’t be a perfectionist when there is a lack of time. When you’re too busy, take a little step back in cleaning your home instead of your relationship. Invest in candles, because by candlelight you hardly see the dust.