ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Crossing the line

Updated on September 13, 2014
Source

When men cheat, whether it be a serious affair or a one night stand it can have devastating consequences. This is not only the consequences to the relationship but the damage done to the wife or partner who loved and trusted them. The relationship may be able to be saved and though the woman decides to stay, the destruction done to her as a person can last a lifetime. I can tell you from a personal point of view that the pain stays forever. I f she does decide to leave these feelings will carry over into other relationships and will often end up destroying them.

It may start out innocent enough, going out for a drink with his friends, flirting with a female he finds attractive. But if the behavior continues it will more than likely wind up in a situation that leads to infidelity. He may begin to stay out later and later at night, often not coming in until the next day. There is always an excuse, I was too drunk to drive home, time just got away from me or any other one that seems conveient. He will turn off his cell phone, tell you the battery was dead or he forgot it in the car. Worse case scenario he will leave it at home accidently on purpose. To the man the transgression may seem trivial and he doesn't give it a second thought. But to the woman it has a far different and far more reaching effect. Consider the following:

When you are a couple the relationship must have trust to survive. Women by nature are emotional creatures and take hurts very much to heart. When a man cheats he not only destroys the trust she has given to him but also her self-esteem, her sense of security and her ability to see herself as worthy of being loved. If she does not know the other woman she will look at every woman she sees and wonder if this could be the one, what does she look like, what does she have to offer that i don't. Even if she does know the other woman she will continue to replay the scene as she imagines it in her head, over and over. In her mind she can see them entwined together, making love, touching, and laughing. She will often compare herself to what she sees as real. She may try to change into what it is she imagines the other woman to be.... losing extreme amounts of weight, changing her hair color, having plastic surgery, obsessing with how she thinks she needs to look. It goes much deeper than her heart...it kills a part of her soul. If they stay together, every time they make love it is like there is someone else in the bed with them,,,her.  She wonders if he is thinking of her. Her touch will ultimately become distant, her lack of interest in having sex may wane. She may become obsessively jealous over minor incidents. depending on the number of times this has happened she may become cynical, even with a new partner, and even with counseling the pain, fear and loss of trust may stay with her through out her life. She may also sink into a deep depression, and be unable to rebuild a relationship again.

This is in no means meant to imply that women do not cheat and that men do not also feel it deeply, but other than a few rare occasions I have witnessed, men are able to rebound more quickly. When a man cheats the woman will often at first go into denial. When he does not show up all night she will sit up all night waiting to hear the sound of his car, the door opening, or him calling out to her. She will make her self believe the excuses he gives until there is no other course but to accept the truth. She will call up his friends and family to look for him, leave a million voice mails on his shut off phone, call the hospitals and the jails. She will look for any reason except the obvious. And to the many who choose to stay and work it out it is a difficult road to travel. Even though he may say it didn't mean a thing, it will never be that minimal to her because unless he truly cares for the other woman "he has hurt and caused unbearable pain to the one person who he promised to love and cherish".

To those who choose to move on it is also difficult to learn to trust in someone again. Just remember to not make your new love pay for the hurt caused you by the other. And to all a saying to the wise: " Forgiving does not mean forgetting, it only means letting go of the pain".

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • pmccray profile image

      pmccray 

      7 years ago from Utah

      What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I've felt this pain on more than one occasion and yes it opens a life time wound, but it also made me stronger.

      I stopped being so needy and heeded by grandmothers advice . . I can do bad all by myself.

      Once I developed this attitude and my self esteem I was able to go on with my life. I'm worth more than that and I will not be treated as if I'm disposable.

      I will forgive because I must, but won't forget. A cheating man can careless about you. I will not become a victim of some deadly disease because a knuckle dragging cheater can't control his urges and keep it zipped up.

      Self-worth comes from one thing -- thinking that you are worthy. - Wayne Dyer

    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR

      christalluna1124 

      7 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Harvey,

      So good to see you again on my hubs. I have been a little out of sorts lately for the past few months. Yes I agree the number of women having affairs is definately on the rise and it can be devastating for the men in their lives too. I just think from a personal view that women are more emotional and seem to take it more to the heart. I've noticed that the male counterpart seemed to move on a bit more rapidly than I did to someone else.

      Warmest regards,

      Christal

    • profile image

      Harvey Stelman 

      7 years ago

      Men rebound quicker at everything. The % of women having affairs is rising fast. Soon it will be equal to men. H

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)