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When the person your dating doesn't want to 'label' things?

Updated on June 29, 2016

Labels... Do they Matter?

How many of us are left baffled when asked. 'So do you have a boyfriend?' Ermmm my reaction up until this point has been 'no I'm single', until I took the plunge and started seeing someone. However in my mind he is my boyfriend because we've had the talk about being exclusive, we are both not dating anyone else and yet he won't actually call me his girlfriend... Now my initial reaction was pretty calm. Yes I am happy to see where things go but it's still left me wondering is this guy just messing with me?

We all don't want to sound needy and desperate but there comes a point where we just want to know where we stand. When the fantastic sleep overs start to make you question the relationship and the reply to everyone's questions is ummmmmmm. Not only does this reply make you sound flaky it also doesn't bod well if the potential guy asking the question could have been your Mr Right all along? So how long do you give the relationship before throwing in the towel? Now this is a tricky question people have many limits. I've been researching this and many female writers have claimed that eight weeks is long enough to put the label on the relationship... Eight weeks and the guy should know how he feels about you... Now to me this seems pretty fast but on the other hand if your seeing this person three or four times a week and having sleep overs then I'm inclined to agree, he should know.

Now I'm a pretty open person and often speak my mind so of course I asked the guy I'm was seeing this very question. 'Are we in a relationship?' Now his come back has put a stop to my mouth with is saying a lot, his reply was ' When I call someone my girlfriend it implies my future wife. It's a massive step and also implies commitment and wanting to potentially spend the rest of my life with that person'. 'OK' was my reaction. I had never though of the girlfriend boyfriend label implying so much. Now for the people reading this you maybe thinking 'wow this sounds like a pretty intense guy, cut him some slack'. Well you maybe right however we are dealing with a man who is very confident and cocky and he certainly has the charm... So could this be just be something he says this in order to not call me his girlfriend and this could be a very rehearsed reply?!

So Labels or no labels? I'm still giving it a little more time but what would you do?

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 17 months ago

      "...in my mind he is my boyfriend because we've had the talk about being exclusive."

      If neither of you are (truthfully not seeing anyone else) and you have (confirmed) you are exclusive you can always say you're "seeing someone".

      The need for labels has always been a "psychological promotion" for many women who want society to view them as not being some guy's "plaything".

      First comes the title "girlfriend" and couple of years later the pressure comes to called "fiancé " and eventually "wife". There's a fear wasting their youth.

      I've heard of women living with men for years in a healthy loving monogamous relationship become frustrated because they haven't been proposed to. Some women give men ultimatums essentially proposing to the guy in reverse.

      In reality it's not as if these guys are going to love them anymore because the women's "title" changed from "girlfriend" to "fiancé or wife". Again its about being concerned what (others) think or how they view the nature of their relationship.

      I have noticed with age and maturity women stop being so insistent on being given a promotional title. A 60 year old divorced grandmother if should decide to introduce a man to her family (many don't); she would tell them: "This is my friend....". For all we know he may be a "booty call" or "friends with benefits" which she hooks up with a few times a year.

      Bottom line is too many people feel they are "right" and their mate is "wrong" about issues where there is no such thing as "right" or "wrong". There is only "agree" and "disagree".

      The goal is to find someone who (naturally agrees) with you and wants what you do. If that's not the case then it's best to move on.

      People don't change unless (they) are unhappy.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on. The choice is up to us!

      One man's opinion!:)