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When we love another more than ourselves can this be a recipe for disaster?

Updated on October 2, 2011

Are you addicted to bad relationships?

When we love another more than ourselves can it be the recipe for disaster?

When we love another more than ourselves can it be the recipe for disaster? Most definitely it can! We have seen this in others or perhaps our own self. That type of love, which accepts physical, mental and emotional abuse, is what I am suggesting here. We would never wish that type of love for our children, yet we believe it is okay for us. It is in this pattern that we have no concept of what it means to truly love. Love has been replaced with fears that are linked to lack of self. We take this type of abuse because we have lied to ourselves that we love them. There is no love here just pure self-loathing. This symptom can lead us to believing we must not be good enough, and no one would want us. We choose to exchange a life of possible happiness for a life of constant shame and agony.

The type of work that I am employed in reveals this ugly truth daily to me. There are women and men who are so needy to be loved by anyone that they will follow blindly their abuser. They will wait for months, years and sometimes decades for that special one to change or in some cases return to them. If they are not in a relationship, they seem to be attracted to those who cannot become emotionally involved. This again leads them into the downward spiral of waiting to be loved.

How does one help them get past this? It is a question I have asked myself relentlessly over the years. They are not ready to listen to you, which is evident in their responses. Oh, I haven’t been with anyone in a long time, or I just know we are soul-mates. Their excuses are entwined with their reluctance to see that they need to work on changing who they are inside. I cannot believe they are not aware of the fact that they have a problem. They just are not ready to admit they prefer to be out on the hunt, or waiting for change, than to change themselves.

Every day I await for someone to say to me, Renee, I have a problem. I do not know how to value myself, and I need help in how to get past this merry-go-round of looking outside me for love, happiness and joy. I know it is a hard cycle to break, but it is breakable. The end result is self-worth. This sadly most do not seek to work towards or even want. They still feel another is responsible to make them feel truly worthy. They cannot let this go, so they search desperately for their savior –knight, with a continuance of disappointment. They seek a psychic to tell them when the knight is coming, and a psychic might wish to give them information on how they need to stop the cycle, but is also prepared for the client to make their cause through excuses.

Self is to love more than another. If we learn this, we can love easier. The hunting/changing someone merry-go-round is finally stopped for good. There though is no way to entice a person to jump off this ride, and this I know. It has to become more of a craving than their addiction of being loved more than they love themselves. This is a powerful addiction, worst then drugs, alcohol and cigarettes in my opinion. We just refuse to love us more than them. There are ways to break this cycle. There are people who can point the way. The reality is that these people cannot do a thing, when a person is living their addiction. The only method I do know is to put a seed of knowledge out there for others to find. The gathering of the seed will be that person’s responsibility. If they wish to plant it and help it grow, they will bare great fruits.


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    • Renee Abbott profile image

      Renee Abbott 6 years ago from Arizona

      glad i could help...grin

    • profile image

      mikeq107 6 years ago


      Never thought of it as a merry go round before...great visual....funny thing is never could get on it in our neighborhood as the bully was always on it... LOL...Now you have given me some writing fodder :0)

      Great to meet you!!

      Mike :0)

    • Renee Abbott profile image

      Renee Abbott 6 years ago from Arizona

      Hi Mike

      Thank you and congradulations. Doesn't it feel good to get off the merry-go-round:)

    • profile image

      mikeq107 6 years ago

      Hi Renee :0)

      Loved it...took me years to forgive and truly learn to love and like myself..but I dared to go down that road and now I love for wonderful healthy agape love reasons LOL

      Great hub!!!

      mike :0)