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When you have to say good-bye to the past.

Updated on January 15, 2012

Enjoy each chance!

We all deserve to leave the past in the past and move forward to a new beginning and the life of dreams we desire.
We all deserve to leave the past in the past and move forward to a new beginning and the life of dreams we desire.

Clearing out the baggage.

For each relationship that fails, a new set of disappointments can become lodged in your mind. It seems odd to believe that a new relationship can possibly come in without the old being truly gone and dissolved, yet many move on without this crucial cleansing.

Intimacy is a difficult thing to believe in after being hurt enough times. Some jump from one relationship to another without fully examining what damage they suffered and how to heal past it.

I am not of the mindset that a new relationship right after a failed relationship will in anyway allow the old one or the feelings to be resolved, rather I believe in taking years between relationships, if necessary. It is important to evaluate your role in the failed relationship and the facts that surround what the other person meant to you and why it wasn't the one to stand the tests of time.

However, even with years between intimate commitment, it has become clear that some of the old thoughts and experiences may find their way into conversations when they have no place. Not just the bad ones, but the innocent and fun ones can pop into mind at inopportune times.

An exercise to help insure this does not happen is simple, yet a little difficult to do, but can give you a chance at a new start. This is based on experiences and desires to have a successful outcome that will not set up failure based on past mistakes already successfully overcame and not wanted carried over into a new and inspiring situation.

I believe we all deserve to be loved, adored, respected, valued and given a new chance when entering into a new relationship whether it be intimate or not. Here is one way to clean out the proverbial "cobwebs" that linger from past encounters.

Write a good-bye letter to each situation that may have reared its ugly presence during a conversation.

It doesn't need to be long and drawn out unless it negates that depth. Make sure the letter is specific and filled with all the things it represented and promised. Then transition it through the failures that can be identified or, more importantly, address want needs to be removed from thinking and avoided in future conversations.

The most critical part of this letter that should not be overlooked is to FORGIVE!!! That doesn't mean forget or create a longing to reconcile. It simply means to forgive yourself for your part in the relationship and to absolutely forgive them for the hurt they caused you or resentments you still hold toward them. This is critical for you and your healing and has nothing to do with the one who hurt you. This is solely for your ability to achieve growth and security from within.

This is so critical because often there are children involved and broken vows that must be released and allowed to grow in other places. Children need you to heal and view it as gone and resolved so they don't mimic the wrong behavior when they encounter failed relationships in their lives as well. Sometimes a business venture was involved in a failed relationship, forgive, regroup from the letter and move forward or back toward your passion without the one you forgave. Vows are promises and it is easy to forgive someone for breaking a promise, just don't believe that all people aren't worthy of keeping their promises when you experience some who can't.

DO NOT share these forgiveness and cleansing letters with those who are referred that caused you pain or discomfort. Simply read through them and feel them slipping from your memory and then ceremoniously destroy them in a way that will represent a final end to the torment and desire to regurgitate any part of the situation in the future or give it life in any other conversation or context of the future.

I wish you good luck in forging your new path. Thank you for reading this hub and I hope it may help in some small way.

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    • celialy123 profile image

      celialy123 5 years ago from china

      thank you o much and i will try my best. have a nice day.

    • inspired2excel profile image
      Author

      Skye DeMaria 5 years ago from Midwest

      Celialy123,

      Your letter might need to be more pointed and direct as a goodbye or letter of farewell, not just a journal. Entail all the thoughts that are making it difficult to let go and state why. Make sure you are brutally honesty about why this person needed to exit your life and now why the need to be erradicated from your thoughts. If it applies, express what you learned from the involvement and how you have grown that ressures you will not experience the same forms of turbulence in the future.

    • celialy123 profile image

      celialy123 5 years ago from china

      i wrote diary several years ago and it is really useful to forget the past by burning them, but now, it is hard for me to forget a person...do you have any ideas? thanks very much of your sharing.

    • inspired2excel profile image
      Author

      Skye DeMaria 5 years ago from Midwest

      Thank you Sheila Lee for your comments. It really seems to help.

    • Sheila Lee profile image

      Sheila Lee 5 years ago from Canada

      Inspired... great hub! I like the writing the letter idea and then burning it. I have heard of it before but have never tried it. Thanks for reminding me about this useful tool! I voted up!

    • KrystalD profile image

      KrystalD 5 years ago from Los Angeles

      I have done something similiar using rocks along the beach. Throwing them in the ocean, though a symbol, helped me let some painful things go. It is amazing the power of deliberate actions like these!

    • inspired2excel profile image
      Author

      Skye DeMaria 5 years ago from Midwest

      KrystalD - It has proven to be a turning point in my life. I started doing this meaningful practice about 3 years ago. I hope it helps you too. I like to write the letters and then take them outside to the firepit and burn them. It is stunning how well it works when I make a conscious effort to pull those thoughts from my mind and burn them.

    • KrystalD profile image

      KrystalD 5 years ago from Los Angeles

      I really enjoyed the tool of writing a letter. Letting go is sometimes the best I can do to move forward. Simple but not easy. Great writing!