- Gender and Relationships
When Love Comes Knocking Are You Ready To Answer?
Most of us dream of love—finding that person who is right for us—but when it happens we worry if we are really ready and worthy to receive...
The scariest thing about love IS love. It doesn't matter if you are actively looking for love or not—when love finds you—because it eventually does—there is a slight "oh shit" panic feeling that resonates inside. Now you have something to possibly lose—your heart being broken. No one ever wants that, it's a horrible feeling and a broken heart is emotionally very difficult to get over. Plus, depending on how long you have been waiting for love, there can be an unrealistic expectation that can end in disappointment. Stop. Let go of any expectations.
Don't get me wrong, love doesn't necessarily equate to having your heart broken, however when you start to develop feelings for someone there is always the chance that those feelings might not be reciprocated in the same manner. Some men just love to be "in love" and don't foresee anything further—long term commitment, engagement or marriage. Yikes! Unfortunately, love also doesn't come with a written guarantee (I wish)—people can sometimes fall "out of love". Couples stop making an effort, they grow apart, they think the "grass is greener" etc. This can all trigger the feeling of unworthiness to receive love.
Many times we can think we are not worthy of love because:
- We think we're not attractive enough
- We have kids—will a significant other love us both
- Our financial situation isn't where we want it to be
- We lack self-love
- We're divorced
- There are personal flaws about ourselves we think we need to fix first
- Our education level isn't the same
- We're self-conscious about our living arrangements
- Our career path is not up to "standard"
- We have an illness
- We have a family that comes with baggage
When you start to develop feelings for someone there is always the risk that things can change or that love might not work. In the beginning it's great—honeymoon stage—and then somewhere along the way, one or both of you stop making an effort to keep the romance and spark alive. Relationships take work and effort...like any job, career or passion you have. If you stop making the effort the relationship will eventually deteriorate. And, if you don't think that relationships take work then you are living in la-la land. Wake-up!
Every long term relationship I've had I wasn't looking for love. Actually, it was the complete opposite—I was more than content doing my own thing and being single. I love being single, but I also love being "in love." Each time love has found me, it's been a pleasant surprise mixed with the underlying worry of getting my emotions too involved and having them not be reciprocated. Like I said, love is scary and I wouldn't be human if thought otherwise. So when love has found me, regardless if I thought I was ready or not—I've opened my heart to the process.
Love is an amazing feeling! Love can expand your heart wider and fill your entire body from your head to your toes with tingles, rainbows and smiles. Love is exhilarating and exciting, but it can also be complicated—especially if there is lack of communication, effort and trust—making love hurtful, stressful and disappointing. Love can also be distracting and time consuming—therefore when love does come knocking many people won't open their hearts to answer—and that's unfortunate.
What we tend to forget is that love really does come into our lives for a reason—some reasons are very clear while others aren't. Regardless, love can be worth letting in even if it's something that wasn't on our immediate agendas or something that we're too scared to open our heart up too.
Most of us have a plan. There are some people (mostly women) who see themselves married with children by a certain age, while there are other people who don't put any time frame on love as long as it finds them one day. There are other people (mostly men) who envision their careers coming into fruition first and then they are open to love. Again, our plan isn't necessarily in-line with loves plan so many times when it does come into our lives and we choose to not let it in, we can be missing out on something great and in return have feeling of regret for not trying.
Although none of my past relationships have worked out—hence them being "past"—I haven't had any regrets. In the end all my experiences became learning lessons. And, the feeling of being in love was so amazing at the time that when I hadn't felt it in a while, I realize what I was missing out on when it found me again.
When I'm "in-love" and have love everything looks brighter and foods/drinks taste better. It's like my sensory system is in complete overload but it feels incredible. Plus, I radiate with happiness. Have you ever noticed how people who have love are happier to be around? Don't get me wrong, I can find lots of happiness within myself, however being "in-love" with someone is a completely different feeling that you can't fully explain...it's vivacious!
Ladies, love isn't always happy all the time (we covered that already) however, if you can keep yourself open to the possibilities, let go of any expectations or worries and just enjoy the experience, then you might be amazed at what you find waiting for you. Believe me, love opportunities are out there...however, are you ready to open the door and take the risk when love comes knocking?