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Domestic Violence Against Men

Updated on April 9, 2019

A Man Gets Beaten By His Wife Every 14 Seconds

Men Get Abused Too

Domestic Violence can be seen in many forms, such as emotional, sexual, mental, and physical abuse. It can happen in both straight and same-sex relationships. Domestic abuse is considered a "hidden" crime as men don't speak out or report it in fear of society's views of how men are supposed to behave and be capable of. The media and local authorities still see domestic violence as a crime against a woman but not a man. Violence against men is also difficult to identify and is also very serious.

Often co-dependency and abuse go hand in hand.

Men have been brainwashed in today's society to believe that its perfectly acceptable and normal for a women to be moody, irritable, and emotional. To some degree everyone has mood swings and emotions, but when it is to the degree that it is a normal part of your life to have a moody spouse that will snap at you and degrade you is not normal. Since its prevalent for an abusive women to have a mental disorder of a personality disorder where being abusive would be a common symptom, that is something that is not recognized. Not only is she beating on her husband but she has a mental condition that she doesn't know about. Not that it is an excuse nor that she will get better with therapy but at least there was some awareness.

A 2010 national survey conducted by the CDC found more men were victims of domestic violence and 40% of the women were the abuser and it resulted in severe physical injuries. There are studies out there that show that when a man calls 911 as the victim to report his partner for domestic violence, he is three times more likely to be the one arrested than the female who was the actual abuser. What is also interesting is that men are the one's that are more likely to the victim in dating violence. Women are more likely to be stalkers, to attack, and to abuse men verbally.

It is ingrained in society that men have to conduct themselves a certain way in order to be "manly" and domestic violence is viewed as a problem among males if they are homosexual, and this is just not the case. Growing up boys are told to not cry, "don't be a sissy", they care called a girl if they get hit by a ball and say "OW" in a feminine whine. They are the ones that are supposed to take care of a women and be her protector. They are expected to be the more dominant sex. So naturally, when someone hears that a man was the victim in an abusive relationship they think he must be a "wimp" or a "pansy". Truth be told it takes more of a man to be wailed on and demeaned over and over and NOT hit her back or defend himself. Instead he just blocks the blows. That takes courage, restraint, and a lot of control. If anything that makes him more of a man.

With men having a naturally bigger and stronger physique, it is common for people to assume that if he was abused by a woman than he must be the smaller and weaker person. This is also not an accurate assumption. There are many ways to be abusive and many tools at her disposal to attack him in the heat of an argument. How much strength does it take to grab a kitchen knife and chuck at her significant other. There is that frying pan she can bash over his head. She can take him by surprise with a heavy object or come up behind him and throw him down the stairs. Men have been shot, stabbed, had their arm broken, and had life threatening injuries from their smaller and more petite partners.

The most absurd I think for me is the notion that if the abuse were that bad that men would leave, because "after all its easy for a man to leave a relationship." This is incorrect. Men stay for the same reason that women stay. They could be in denial, they have children and are trying to work things out and keep the family together. They may be the stay at home father who lost his job in the recession and the wife works and he has no money to leave. There are a multitude of reasons why men stay. The fact is that abuse actually can and often does, escalate after the man tries or does leave.

How To Recognize If You Are Being Abused

  1. At first the incidents appear to be isolated, but they later progress and become more frequent and increase in intensity.
  2. You are being called names.
  3. You are being insulted.
  4. You are being put down.
  5. She stops you or forbids you from seeing your family and/or your friends.
  6. She tries to control how you spend the money. You have to ask her for money.
  7. She controls where you go and when you go.
  8. She controls what you wear, won't let you pick out or buy your own clothes, or dresses you everyday.
  9. She is jealous and/or possessive
  10. She accuses you of having an affair.
  11. She gets angry while under the influence.
  12. She threatens you with violence (with or without a weapon)
  13. She hits, kicks, bites, scratches, pulls your hair, chokes you, or hurts you physically in any fashion.
  14. She hurts the household pets.
  15. She assaults you while you are sleeping or intoxicated
  16. She forces you to have sex or perform sex acts you don't want to.
  17. She blames you for the problems in the marriage and for her becoming violent and abusive.

There is normally a pattern of violence:

  • abuser threatens the violence
  • abuser than hurts the victim
  • the abuser is apologetic
  • the abuser gives you gifts or pampers you
  • cycle starts all over

The Effects of Abuse On Men

  1. depression
  2. anxiety
  3. increased alcohol consumption
  4. triggers suicide attempts
  5. less likely to talk about it because of fear of ridicule
  6. afraid abuse would be minimized
  7. fear if they report it they will be the one accused of doing something wrong
  8. feels powerless
  9. in denial of the abuse
  10. emotional abuse will eat away at the psyche and is gradual they won't even notice it is happening
  11. feels lonely
  12. is heartbroken
  13. feels ugly
  14. feels unloved
  15. no longer has feelings of intimacy
  16. no longer has his hopes and dreams for the future
  17. doubts his own sanity
  18. begins to mistrust people
  19. is humiliated
  20. feels like an empty shell of a himself

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2012 Abigayle Rourk


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    • abbykorinnelee profile imageAUTHOR

      Abigayle Rourk 

      8 years ago from Ripon, Wisconsin

      I didn't either, until a really good friend since I was 13 came to me about it...he was a victim and it makes me want to let people know about it

    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 

      8 years ago

      I never realized the scope of the situation.Very interesting hub.A lot can happen behind closed doors.Thanx for sharing the facts.


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